Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

On a regular basis, I have interaction with an individual who is so negative. I have listened to complaints, offered suggestions, and tried to smooth things over. At first I thought I was helping, but have come to realize that I’m not changing perceptions at all. This individual is going to have a “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day” – no matter what I say or do. I’ll spare you the details.

I do think we are pretty much hard-wired to always want something more. I recall someone saying that being dissatisfied is actually a good thing, as otherwise, after we achieved our first big goal, we would sit back and say, “I got what I wanted. I don’t need to do anything more.” We would be in a self-satisfied plateau where we never looked for any improvement.

I guess we need to find a middle ground – everything isn’t perfect nor horrible. Yet, it takes no talent to find the negative. Finding the good – now that takes talent, and one that needs practice.

Welcome to my practice session.

I am grateful for Primary Sacrament Meeting programs. Look in the dictionary and you’ll find ours listed under perfection. It was amazing. Song leaders don’t come any better than Wendy Worley. Those kids just belted out every song. There was lots of variety – a mother and five year old son cello accompaniment. At other times, the singing was accompanied by wood blocks (for “I am a builder”), a flute, and the bells. It was so sweet.

I am grateful for members of the church. They are just wonderful people. They are fun to be with, uplifting, educated, loving, and good workers.

I love credit cards. I listen to people who say, “Rip them up. Pay for everything with cash.” BUT, I still love credit cards. You can check charges online, pay them off every week (which is what I choose to do), pay for online purchases, get cash advances while you are in Holland (and didn’t realize they don’t accept credit cards), let them go to bat for you if the computer you paid for by credit card never arrived, and get $500 a year in rewards (while not paying one cent in interest). I realize credit card companies are increasing their interest rate to ridiculous amounts, but since I never pay any interest, my love affair with credit cards is not affected.

I love sales. Smiths Marketplace is really making the game fun to play. They usually have 60% off clearance, regularly have megadeals (where you get five dollars off for every ten items you buy in special categories), give you a turkey for as little as $12 (regularly $25), and have $10 off if you spend $50. They make shopping fun. I went in Saturday knowing I wanted to buy a turkey, but needed as many other non-food items as I could find (to get my extra discount). I found nightlights (about time, don’t you think), slippers, little sacks for Christmas favors (we’re in charge of empty nesters), and even some of our favorite moisturizers. There is little joy in shopping, but they’ve found a way to make it enjoyable.

I love my bed. I’m not a great sleeper, but my bed is awesome. It is warm and comfortable. I just read the book The Glass Castle. (I need to make a disclaimer. There is more swearing than necessary and even an F-bomb, so be warned.) However, the book was such a wake up call. It is a story of a woman whose family was dysfunctional – living on the street, harvesting dinner from dumpsters. Yet, she loves her family. For a while they live in a tumble down house where their mattresses are cardboard. It makes you realize how great you have it – and especially makes you appreciate your bed.

I love my cell phone. AT&T needs to take some clues from Smiths Marketplace, as paying my AT&T bill is not fun at all, but I do love my cell phone. You can call anyone you want without paying a cent extra (as we have more minutes that I could possible use) and can summon help from a snow bank. What confidence as cell phone gives you! I forgot my cellphone when I took Grandma back home today and felt naked without it. (But, I didn’t get stopped, so no one knew.)

I love family – kids, grandkids, husband, parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, in-laws.

I love email. I love email. I LOVE EMAIL!!!!

Don't incite predatory instincts

At the university, I serve as an ombudsperson for tenure meetings. What is an ombudsperson, you ask?

Ombudspersons support effective communication, cooperation, equity, and civility in academic and work environments through coaching individuals, facilitating communication between persons and departments, mediation, providing information on university policy, and where needed, recommending appropriate institutional action or change.

But what I really do is listen to tenure meetings to insure policy is followed and the candidate is treated properly.

It is actually a great job, if you are a people watcher. You have no responsibility other than the obvious (and are supposed to say as little as possible), so you can just sit and observe - who speaks, how they make their points, the phraseology they use.

This week I heard a phrase that was so clever. A committee member was commenting on an opening paragraph to the self-assessment letter which read something like, "I have done such a great job that no one could think to deny me tenure." The candidate was advised to take a more modest approach so as not to "incite predatory instincts" of the higher ups. I thought it was a great line!

Are you smarter than a seventh grader...

As part of one of my grants, we had four area teachers come to campus for the summer to design instructional materials for their technology classes. We had a great time with them. One of the perks has been keeping in contact with them.

This week Megan (one of our RET teachers, who actually is Greg's age) asked me to come to her technology class and present an ILM to her seventh graders. We talked about graph coloring - a computer science abstraction for conflict resolution. (See csilm.usu.edu/Browse Resources/CSILM Activities/Graph Coloring). What darling kids! I had so much fun with them. Megan is an amazing teacher. It is great to watch her in action.

The challenge is this. Draw any kind of map that requires five colors to color such that areas which share a border (of more than one point) can't be the same color. After they had struggled a while, I told them that it was impossible. They would never be able to do it. Well, that didn't stop them. The whole hour I had kids handing me a map saying, "This one takes five colors. I know it does." Find a minimal coloring isn't always easy, so I would tell them, "I'm going to take home your map. If I can't color it in four colors, I'll come be a seventh grader and you can take my place teaching classes at the university - as you are obviously smarter than I am."

Wouldn't that be fun? I would love going back to the seventh grade for a week or so. Those were the good old days! I've often wished I could let someone take my place for a while.

My new favorite restaurant

We went out with friends for dinner tonight at the Texas Roadhouse. The mall parking lot has been crazy with cars ever since they opened. I could never figure out where all the people were as they surely couldn't all fit inside. All the tables were taken tonight, but arriving just before six, we had no wait at all. The food was great and reasonably priced. Yum!

Being special isn't all its cracked up to be...

They say tooth implants are successful 95 percent of the time. I'm so "special" that I fall into the 5% that doesn't work out. Infection takes over and contaminates the threads of the implant - making it impossible to get rid of.

I've had an implant for about five years (you can see I'm not good with dates). The last year or so I've noticed it was a bit sunken. Today was the day they went in to try to save it - cleaning it out and doing a bone graft. I would tell you the details, but Steve just turns green and walks away when I merely set the stage.

They tell you to stop them if it gets too painful. About half way through you realize they were just kidding. It is just going to hurt no matter how much anesthetic they give you.

I did get a great nap out of it once I got home. If its like the last oral surgery I had (a tissue graft to build up the gums), it is going to be a painful few weeks.

I always marvel that when things are going well, you don't even notice, but when something goes awry you can't believe how much pain it can cause. I guess you have to have bad health to appreciate how good you had it before.

Ten Thousand Step Challenge

Through work, we've been challenged to increase the steps we take each day to 10,000. I really need to drag out my pedometer, but without even measuring, I'm sure I'm WAY short of that goal. I counted my steps across campus - about a 15 minute walk, and only got to 1000. I'm figuring 10,000 is a lot of time exercising. I'm guessing there are days I don't walk more than a thousand steps.

Below are some easy ways to increase the number of steps you take each day.

1. Walk in place or pace when on the phone.
2. Get up during each commercial and walk around until the television program begins again. Even better, walk in place during the television program.
3. Use a restroom that's farther from your office or on a different floor.
4. Take the stairs.
5. Park farther away than you normally do.
6. Go to people's offices instead of using the phone or e-mail.
7. Take a walk at lunch and then eat at your desk.

I figure today has been a good day. I shopped all morning, took a walk this afternoon, and have been up and down the stairs a dozen times to answer the door for trick or treaters. I'm going to need to work a little harder the rest of the week.

How about it? Will you take the challenge?

What a difference a few days make

I love Fall. We have had a gorgeous Fall. With our first snow this week, I thought our Indian Summer had ended. But today was absolutely gorgeous!

The top two pictures are taken from my office earlier this week.

The next two are from the top of the hill today.

It's a perfect evening for trick or treating!

I'm a Fan

One of my darling Young Women (who is married with a family of her own) has a blog I just love. Her topic for the day was "Fan Friday" - where she talks about things she is a fan of. I'd like to add my own entry.

I'm a fan of Goodreads! I only started using it a few months ago, but I'm a fan. I have such a hard time finding books I like. With Goodreads, I can get ideas from other friends. There is one friend who is a kindred spirit. If she likes the book, I'll like the book too. I must have six books I've already checked out and can't wait to read. This is definitely something I've never experienced before.

One of the books I just finished is "Mary, Martha, and Me" by Camille Fronk Olson. The whole book is great, but I was particularly interested in this passage:

From either side of the comparison, condemnation stings. Regardless of which path is chosen, someone will certainly criticize that choice. I considered declining further invitations to speak when a woman commented at a “Know Your Religion” lecture, “After hearing you, I felt discouraged because I will never know the scriptures as well. But then I thought, instead of going to school, I chose to follow the prophet – I married and had a family.” Without knowing my choices, she had judged me as disobedient and seemed doubly irked that I was happy about it. I was reminded that I had not embarked on a career path as my first choice but was led to it by a power greater than I.

I'm guessing all of us have had interactions that resemble this one. So WHY do we do that to each other? I'm definitely not a fan of people who judge me or seem self-righteous.

Rainbow Closet

Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?

In visiting my daughters a month ago, I noticed they had their closets organized by colors. After looking for ten minutes for a black shell I knew I had, I decided to try it. I usurped one of my daughter's closets for my dresses - as my closet just wasn't big enough to incorporate the new arrangement and I only wear them on Sunday anyway so they hardly need prime space. In the process of reorganizing, I learned a few things.

a. I am boring. Over half of my wardrobe is black or beige.

b. Very few things are multiple colors - (which is a good thing, I guess - as it made sorting them easier)

c. I have tons of duplication. I didn't take a picture of the pant rack - but I must have ten pairs of black pants. I tossed out a large bag of clothes I would never wear again, as I had a better version of the same thing.

I think I need to go shopping! I have nothing in orange.

Smile...

I have been in charge of getting photos of the women in our ward for a video on Visiting Teaching. Kelly's idea was to video-tape the older sister talking about Visiting Teaching. She wanted still shots of the rest of the women in the ward. There are 120+.

I didn't even know how to use our camera, but decided I could try to help. We tried to get people to email us their pictures, but that didn't work too well. I think we got two. I'm a pathetic photographer, but I tried. I tried to catch people at church. I tried to catch them at the High Priest Dinner, Personal History class, Empty Nestors, and Board meeting. I wandered the streets with camera in tow.

It was quite a learning experience. People were so different. I would offer to show them the picture I had taken, so we could vote on whether they were blurry or had their eyes closed. (They would look great on my small view, but be unusable once they were on the "big screen".) One said, "Oh, I don't care what it looks like." All the others would run for their lipstick, tell me "You are SO NOT taking my picture - I just woke up," or say, "You really can't take my picture because it is Friday, and I don't wear makeup on Friday." I heard the same thing about Thursday. One woman said, "Oh, I'll send you one. PLEASE delete the ones you took. I look horrible." Another woman said, "I am NOT participating. I just don't do pictures."

This is a picture of the daughter of one woman in the ward. She was dressed in a fairy costume when I dropped by her house. You can see a glimpse of her wings behind her back. She was so thrilled to have her picture taken. She didn't run for her makeup, fix her hair, or make excuses. She was delighted. I have several pictures. In some, she is even airborne.

So, what happens to us as we age? How does it happen that we lose that self-confidence?

You have got to be kidding...

I have flies in my office. LOTS of flies. I kill a half dozen a day. I must make work look fun, because I have flies on the outside crashing into the window. It must look fun in here.

So, I have the secretaries call physical plant. I tell them I want a fly catcher. I was thinking of something like a roach trap. No, three people came to my office and brought be this brown sticky thing to hang in my window. Can you say, U G L Y??? I have (had) a beautiful view, but now it has this ugly fly catcher in it. It was ugly when they first brought it, but it is worse now as it has dead flies stuck to it. Since they left it a week ago, the three of them have been back to check on it.

When the flies get stuck, they make the most horrible sound for hours before they decide to conserve their energy and die slowly. Sometimes they squirm for over a day.

I'm keeping score. Everyday I kill more than does the fly trap, and I only work 8 hours a day, not 24. And my flies die immediately, without a prolonged, pathetic death chant.

Come on, there has GOT to be something better than this.

The best job...

Last night we went to an event in Salt Lake where alumni of our program gathered to visit. There were finger foods and a "bingo" game where the cells were signed by people having a specific characteristic "more computers than kids", etc. I wasn't really excited to go, but felt I needed to support the department.

There were over fifty people who came. We had such a great time visiting, remembering old times, seeing pictures of their children, learning about their jobs. I visited non-stop for two hours. I barely ate, didn't play the game, and didn't even notice prizes being given out. I had forgotten far more people than I remembered, but it was so fun to reconnect. Some lingered around just waiting for a private moment to tell me thanks for getting them through or saying they were actually using that 'game theory' we discussed in multi-agents.

On the way home, I asked myself, "Would I have traveled to such an event to reconnect with my old college professors?" I loved school. I enjoyed my teachers. I was very vocal in class and had good relationships with my teachers, but I doubt I would have traveled for an hour or more to spend an evening with them. As I thought about that, I felt even more blessed to have the best job in the world - (except for being a mom, of course).

The Winter Games...

Sunday night is always "Nine Card" night. Steve was the loser - he is only smiling because I took the pictures before he lost. He is so competitive :-) Grandma Allan is a tough player for her ninety two years. She was the grand winner tonight.

I hope I enjoy a good meal and a rip roaring game of cards when I am 92!

The Personal History Challenge

A dear friend is offering a Personal History class - once a month - as part of Relief Society enrichment (or whatever we are calling those meetings these days).

Our first assignment is this: Write an introduction to your history - why you are writing it. Give the history a title. And write about birth to age five.

I have so few memories of birth to age five, it should be easy. You have a month. I'll post mine if you'll post yours.

Here is my first cut at a title and introduction:

IF THIS IS THE ANSWER, WHAT IS THE QUESTION?
A teacher’s attempt to make the most of life’s experiences.

I am an analyzer. I problem solve. I reason about how things can be improved.

I am a teacher by profession, and as a Mother, I view myself primarily as a teacher.

I hate to waste things – money, time, opportunity, food.

Joseph Smith (while prisoner in the Liberty Jail) was told, “all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.” D&C 122:7. I think about that a lot. When going through difficult times, I often tell the Lord (only partially in jest), “I think I’ve learned what I needed to from this challenge. You can take it away now.” I don’t want to be a slow learner and have to go through it again!

This book is my attempt to use my experiences – to help others and spur me to greater heights.

And conference was enjoyed by all

Well, another conference weekend has come and gone. Trisha, Brandon came for the weekend with Halle and Zach. Ben and Chelle came. Greg surprised us by showing up late Friday night. It was great to have them here.

Halle practiced her sitting (to keep up with her second cousin). Actually she didn't stay balanced for longer than 30 seconds, but it's a start. Yes, those are Easter eggs she is playing with. Zach loves to go into the storage room saying "we need to get something". When he found the Easter eggs, they were an instant hit.

During the opening prayer, Zach started jabbering into the end of the floor lamp. He talks well, but he wasn't talking - just making nonsensical sounds. It was evidently his microphone, because when the choir started singing, so did he. Pretty cute.

We didn't get to see the Idaho folks. Kimberly was tending Brooke and Drew/Lori were still in the hospital. They got to come home tonight. YEAH!

So Glad to Wake Up

Have you ever had one of those dreams where your world falls apart and are so thrilled when you wake up and learn it wasn't real?

I love this thought by Kobi Yamada:
Just think how happy you'd be if you lost everything and everyone you have right now, and then,
somehow got everything back again.

It is a message of gratitude. We are going through tough times with Drew's medical problems - it's like one of those nightmares you can't seem to wake up from - but there is much to be grateful for.

I need a break...

I am with my daughter and her family. Drew had a splenic embolization to try to kill part of his spleen. It has been a rough week for them. Poor Drew has felt so bad. They said a full splenetomy would have been easier on him. When I was in the hospital on Wednesday, he wouldn't talk at all, except to express displeasure. By Thursday, he was doing some better. He would at least listen to a story. By evening, he would laugh at Toy Story and talk a bit.

Poor Lori. Drew wants him by her side at all times. He doesn't even want her to leave to put on her contacts or take a shower. She has barely left his side for an entire week. They sleep in the same twin bed, cheek to cheek. She must be exhausted.

It appears the procedure is not going to be the magic bullet we hoped for. His counts are still not good. His platelets are so low they are transfusing him. His hemaglobin is also dropping. While they expected low platelets for a while, at this point in time they thought his body would have recovered - as the effects on blood counts of a dying spleen should be immediate. The hematologist figures the spleen that remains is eating everything it gets. Drew seems to be recovering from the procedure - it just didn't accomplish what they hoped it would.

Tough news.

They thought they would be coming home today, but now it looks like it could be a while. They are considering a full splenectomy - but maybe the liver is getting involved in the destruction as well.


Since Drew was feeling better, Lori allowed Kram to replace her at the hospital for the day yesterday. As she explained to Drew that she was going home for a while because she needed a break, Drew said, "I NEED a break. I NEED to go home."

Poor little guy. He does need a break!

Asking the wrong question?

In talking about a personal decision, a member of our ward said, "As I prayed to receive an answer, the spirit whispered to me, 'You are asking the wrong question. You really need to be praying for vitality' - the ability to deal with the challenges you have been given.

Another friend, in talking about her elderly father said, "I don't really even know what to pray for. He's had a good life. Do I pray that he will have five more years?"

When I was a child, I remember praying for a magic wand. I figured that if I got my magic wand, I would never have to ask God for anything again. I could just get it for myself.

As hard as it is to get answers to prayers - at least the answers we want, I am grateful I don't have my magic wand. I'm afraid I would be found asking the wrong question far too often...

The Labor Day Family Reunion

Aren't these the cutest relatives you've ever seen? These are such special people. Notice how in each picture they add another person. Like they couldn't figure out who to include.

In the first, Mont has his arm around his sister-in-law, Doreen. In the second, Clayton is holding his sister's hand. In the last picture, they are finally sitting next to their spouses.

These are such loving people. As you see how close they are to each other, you know why you love to be with them!

The Hurst Cousins

McKenzie and Nicole loved Trisha's little ones (Zach and Halle). Ben and Michelle are hanging out in the background.

Drew

Here's a few pictures from our last trip to Boise.

Virtual Cookoff

I've been updating the family recipe book as my niece is getting married. We've been doing this for years. We're on to our second volume! All her Aunts, sisters, and in-laws (to be) have sent me their recipes. I feel like I am conducting a virtual cookoff. I'll bet they've sent me five different recipes for caramel corn, a few for snickerdoodles, and several for maple syrup. It is entertaining. I see a recipe from the mother (given for an earlier edition of the book) followed by new versions from her married daughters. The differences are minimal, but maybe the daughters have found the small changes enough to be the "best ever", "exceptional", or "killer".

Two of her aunts submitted the exact same recipe. Who should be given credit? (I made the diplomatic choice.)

I'm just the cookbook editor. You folks will have to have your own cookoff! I'm including all of the recipesl. The new version of the recipe book will be posted soon to my home page. Look for it there.

The roller coaster

We're on a roller coaster ride that just won't end. We're hanging on, just waiting for it to come to a safe stop. Little Drew (Lori and Kram's son) is having such a time with his blood. Today is his eighth transfusion this summer (his last being just five days ago). It is a balancing act of red blood cells, neutrophils, and platelets. Nothing is stable. When one goes up, the others go down. Today, they are all down. It looks like he is headed for a splenectomy - they just haven't decided whether it should be partial or full. We've done splenectomies before - but before we had more confidence the surgery would correct the problem. Now, we just don't know. Such a worry...

Having New Eyes...

Marcel Proust said: The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes. I like that.

Being with your grandson is a lot like having new eyes. Zach is an amazing kid. When you are with him, he gives you a constant commentary on everything around him - flowers, rocks, fences, ants. It is truly like seeing through three year old eyes.

While the adults played Bang, Zach and I played hide and seek. I was carrying Halle (who suffered the running and hiding without complaint). Zach didn't care if we hid in the same place every time. Often, it was a necessity. He would start out counting slowly, but 4-10 went in a flash - and I have a feeling he had his eyes open after 2. If we found a particularly good place (like behind the shower curtain), he would use it the next time. The joy was not in finding a place the other person couldn't find, but in playing the game - even if you knew exactly where the other person was going to hide. Each time you were found it was like the first - only better as you didn't have to search so long.

After a while we went outside to throw the frisbee. Throw after throw received his commentary: That was a tricky one. Whoa. Go get it. Don't throw in the garden anymore. I can't find it. That was a good one. Oh, it went down the window. Daddy, can you get my frisbee?

At one point, the inevitable happened, the frisbee went over the fence. The three of us went through the house and out to the side yard. As we retrieved the frisbee and headed to the backyard, some little neighbor friends called to him. Without hesitation, he responded, "I'm playing with Grandma." It was cute. Content in the moment.

Perhaps that is the secret of happiness - to see everything with new eyes and be content in the moment.

Use it up, wear it out...

Dad used to always say, "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without." He lived it too. If you needed a nail, a piece of plywood, a section of garden hose, a smidgen of paint (Dad used to say smidgen a lot) - he had it. It's that growing up during the depression.

Mom caught the vision too. Sometimes I would drop in and she would be making rolls, or pie, or whatever. I would ask her what motivated the baking. She would often say, "Oh, I had some sour cream that was getting old so I decided to use it up."

I know I definitely caught the vision as well. I will often start cooking with the sole aim of using up my eggs before they get old. Steve always says I am nuts - just throw them out. I point out that the starving people in China wouldn't be throwing out food, so I won't either. (As kids, when we didn't eat our dinner, we were always made to feel guilty because of the starving people in China.)

I do think I am taking a bit too far now, however. I was visiting one of my extractors (Clarice) and we started talking about quilts. She showed me a neat book she had on quilts. I asked, "Were you a dedicated quilter?" She responded, "Oh yes. I was homemaking leader for a hundred years. We used to have three quilts on every month - one to tie, one to quilt, and a baby quilt. We used to sell them at the Relief Society Bazaar." Then she continued, "I don't do that any more. Several years ago I went through my closet and gave away SEVEN BOXES of material. Just recently, I found another box of fabric - called whipped cream. They don't make that any more. I decided I'd make it all up in baby quilts for my grand children (to come). They're all ready now and I'm done quilting."

Well, that got me to thinking. I have at least seven boxes of fabric that I have bought for quilts. (My motto is, when something is on sale, buy a LOT of it. But I don't even quilt - I just tie and have no real sewing talent.) I decided I should make up all the quilts I have so I can use up the fabric and the batting I have stashed away. I can't believe how many quilts I have fabric for. I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do with them. The baby quilts will be great for future grandchildren - but the queen and kingsized quilts? Who is going to want all of them. And they are not gorgeous fabrics. I have a lot of red/white/blue and some wild prints that would make anyone want to keep their bed made. So, when I die and you find this hoard of oddly colored quilts that look like new - you'll know, I was just using it up, wearing it out, making it do, or doing with lots...

Don't you love computers?

We met Josh Miller (an old neighbor) in the grocery store. Such a cute guy. Steve and Josh got talking about four wheeling. Josh says that after he goes mountain biking, he pulls an image of the mountain from google earth and (with the help of a trail book) charts the course he took! So he knows where on the mountain he has already been.

Recently a former student (Karren Perry) wrote me (and lots of others) to see if we would put a link to her blog. She and her husband are trying to adopt. They have learned that adopting takes a lot of networking, so they have created a blog showing them. The more people that put a link to the blog, the higher up it goes on google's page ranking - and the more likely someone will find their page and pick them. Neat idea!

In ward welfare meeting, we were talking about ideas for a "provident living" newsletter. Someone said, "How about sharing the website for GrocerySmarts?" It is a very cool website. I don't know if they have it in all states, but I can click on the stores in my area. It shows me what they have on special, marks the really good buys with five red stars, and even gives me a link to printable coupons for the item (so I get a sale price AND a coupon). Grandma Hurst would have loved it! (She used to call me to tell me about good prices at the grocery store. "Nuts are on sale at Smiths. You need to get them for dipping.") While I know good prices on things I buy all the time, it points out special deals on vitamins, laundry soap, and makeup. No more reading through the ads.


Recently I was buying nylons from my favorite mail order catalog - One Hanes Place. I always hate trying to find my size, my color, and reinforced toes. And do I really want the saleslady knowing when I move to "QueenSize"? Being able to just order what I want is great. I always buy a ton - as shipping is high. Well, recently, I googled "One Hanes Place coupons" and found a coupon code that gave me free shipping - just like that.

Well, I know I'm boring you to tears - but it was news to me!

Pay the Price

My mother was on a diet every Monday of my years in her home. She tried everything. At times, she was quite successful, but in the last years of her life her body resisted dieting. She was a large lady. She had to eat almost nothing in order to lose. Her body seemed to say, “Hey, we know we are headed for starvation, so latch on to those pounds.”

I seemed to have my Father’s metabolism and could eat anything without gaining. However, that has ended. In that last 20 years, I’ve gained 40 pounds. If that continues over the next twenty years, I’ll be a blimp by the time I die. I'll be one of those people on the news that they have to remove from their beds with a crane.

The doctors were always telling mom to lose weight as it would be better for her lungs. I went with her to Dr Abdullah (in Odgen). He was telling her she needed to lose weight. I said, "Yes, but it is pretty hard to exercise when you don't feel good. It is a vicious cycle." He jumped on that saying, “Exercise is good. I’m a proponent. I ride my bike to work every day. But you will not lose weight by exercising. It is all in diet. If your metabolism is slow, you'll have to really cut back, but it is all in what you eat.” I had never heard that before.

I have tried eating sensibly (not having junk food around). I’ve tried exercising daily. Nothing made any difference. I’m not sure I’ve ever lost a pound in my entire life. :-) I still have the original baby fat I was born with.

I admire people who have lost weight. Normally they credit exercise and diet. I am not a good dieter. I want something easy. I looked into the acai berry diet (you just don’t get hungry) and the colon cleanse. There is something wonderful about the idea of a colon cleanse. It is not that I am fat. It is just that my colon is filled with sludge. Of course, I haven’t figured out how that colon sludge got to my thighs, but I STILL like the idea. And you don't have to do anything - but eat the berry juice and take the medication.

My hair dresser said she tried the acai diet. I asked, "Did it work?" She said with a smile, "If it did, would I look like this?" We both laughed.

In talking to my petite daughter, she mentioned her calorie limit – 1700 calories if she doesn’t want to gain. Some breathing test they took at work measured her metabolism. She is good to exercise, is almost 30 years younger than me, and still 1700 calories for a MAINTENANCE diet! She said, “I figured anything I can chart I can conquer. You just need to start counting your calories to see what you eat. I omit butter from most foods, eat low fat mayo (or none at all), and limit my portion size.”

I tried it. My goal is 1300-1500 calories (if I want to lose a pound a week). I lost my first three pounds last month! The trick is - plan what you will eat! I used to always count calories and then when they were all gone, go grazing through the house looking for anything to eat. The planning way puts it in a spreadsheet and makes you decide what you are going to eat to stay within limits. I can't eat just one cookie. It is easier not to have any than to stop after one. I can eat lots of fruits and vegetables, but even good things have to be counted. 1300 calories is so few. I can hardly believe it. Potatoes are awful! Almost anyway you have them, they are 300 calories. Butter puts you off the charts immediately. One half cup servings are tiny. Even frosted mini-wheats are 30 calories each - and they don't even taste good. As you can see, this has been a reality check for me.

Anyway, I decided the trick is you have to be willing to pay the price. You can't just want to lose weight - you have to pay the price that the goal takes.

I remember going visiting teaching to a woman who did wonderful handwork. She had made an embroidered wall hanging that was beautiful. My partner (trying to praise) said, "That is so beautiful. I would pay $100 for it." The woman said, "Well, that is about what the kit cost for the supplies and framing. Then, I still had to do all the work."

Another time I heard someone say, "I would love to play the piano like that. I would pay $10000 for that talent." I thought, but what did acquiring the talent really cost - in terms of hours, the piano, the books, the lessons?

In all things, we have to be willing to pay the price. We reap what we sow.

Happiness is...

I remember a talk someone gave a long time ago. It went something like:
If you have lost a pound, you will be happy for an hour.
If you get a raise a work, you will be happy for a day.
If your team wins the game, you will be happy for a week.
If you win the lottery, you will be happy for a month.

I don't remember the details, but I remember thinking, "Yeah, happiness is like that. You keep waiting to be happy and then you get what you thought would make you happy - and it doesn't last."

I had my braces on for FOUR YEARS. I couldn't wait to get them off, but when I got them off it was no big moment. I was "happy for an hour".

David Meyers said:

Realize that enduring happiness doesn't, come from "making it." What do you long for? Fame? Fortune? Unlimited leisure? Imagine that I could snap my fingers and give it to you. Would you now be happy? Indeed, you'd be euphoric, in the short run. But gradually you would adapt to your new circumstance and life would return to its normal mix of emotions. To recover the joy, you would now need an even higher high.

The consistent finding from dozens of studies is that objective life circumstances, once we've adapted to them, bear little relation to people's happiness. At one extreme, people with disabilities—even those paralyzed after car accidents—typically recover normal levels of day-to-day happiness. At the other extreme, people who've won a state lottery also settle back to their characteristic level of happiness.

Consider, too, how we have "made it." In 1957, per-person income, expressed in today's dollars, was less than $8,000. Today it is $16,000. With doubled incomes, we (at least those not left behind by the growing gap between rich and poor) now have double the material goods that money can buy—including twice as many cars per person. We also have microwave ovens, color TVs, VCRs, answering machines, and $12 billion a year worth of brand-name athletic shoes.

So are we indeed happier? We are not. In 1957, 35 percent of Americans told the National Opinion Research Center they were "very happy." In 1991, only 31 percent said the same. Meanwhile, depression rates have soared.

Ergo, wealth is like health: Although its utter absence breeds misery, having it is no guarantee of happiness. There is no need to envy the rich. Happiness is less a matter of getting what we want than wanting what we have.

So, I've rediscovered it yet again. I always thought if I got a big NSF grant I would be so happy. The picture shows not one, but three big grants and three supplements that were all funded. I should be ecstatic! I'm busy and overwhelmed - but not one bit happier that I was when I had no NSF grants. Of course, there are lots of perks - but lots of responsibility to use the money well and be a good manager of all the people we've hired.

Grandma Hurst used to always say something like, "Don't wish your life away saying, I'll be happy when I'm through school. I'll be happy when I'm married. I'll be happy when I have kids. I'll be happy when the little ones can get their own drink of milk. I'll be happy when I have some time to myself. I'll be happy when the kids are launched. I'll be happy when someone comes to visit. I'm lonely. If you aren't happy now, you won't be happy WHEN..."

The Wedding

The wedding is finally over. I can't believe the amount of time that Vicki and Chelle spent on it including the reception. Every time I would turn around, there would be something new that had been purchases for the reception. A few times I would ask, "How much is this costing us?" and Vicki would tell me not to worry. I really don't know why I asked because Vicki is in charge of the money, and if she spends it, we have it. Looking back, the money spent was well worth it. I still don't know how much it cost!

I have a few reflection about the wedding and the reception

All the kids came home when Chelle took our her endowments. Even though this was only two weeks before the wedding, they came home. It was such a sweet experience to be in the temple with the entire family for the first time. It touched me heart to have everyone there. There were many others there also and I appreciated that.

Then two weeks later everyone returned again for the marriage. This included my immediate family as well as my and Vicki's siblings. I can't tell you how important family is during these times. In the temple, I looked around and saw all the family there, my eyes teared up. What an effort those folks made to come and share the day with us; it meant so much to me. I'm sure Gary traveled the greatest distance from Austrialia. But no matter how close or far, we appreciated the effort made to come.

We didn't know the man that sealed Chelle and Ben. He was an old man (92 years old). I was a little concerned because I'd heard a story about an older sealer in the Salt Lake temple that took over 45 minutes for the sealing and didn't do a very good job. So I didn't have high expectations for this sealer. I was SO wrong. When he introduced himself, he had the same last name and from the same city, Grace, ID, as a friend of mine. I later found out that my friend is his nephew. He did a wonderful job. He told appropriate stories and experiences he had with the Brethern. It was great. I guess I shouldn't make assumptions about things before they happen.

During the sealing, the sealer mentioned that he didn't think Heavenly Father would keep those that had already passed on from attending the sealing. Right then, tears came to eyes because I knew that my father and Vicki's parents were there witnessing the wedding. What a blessing the teachings of the Church are to us. After the sealing, Jill came up and said, "I saw you tear up when the sealer said that there were those from the other side that were there. I knew they were there too."

We had a great time at the reception. I was in my element. I enjoyed so much talking to everyone that came. Once again, I was overwhelmed by the turn out of friends and family. It meant so much to me that everyone would spend so much time and effort to get there and make the occasion better.

When the reception was over, it didn't take us much time to clean up everything because many people stayed and help. My home teacher took the presents home and put them in my garage. Steve and Cherri stayed and took many decorations that they can use with Ashley's upcoming wedding.

By the time I got home, I was tired but pleased with the day. Once again I'm so pleased for the efforts people made to be her and help us celebrate Chelle's wedding day.

What I learned, family is so important. Vicki and I a have great family and both of us come from great families. Vicki and I are truly blessed.

It's been a stressful last few months. We've had interesting things going on in the family. I think that everyone of the kids has had some issues that I never thought I would have to deal with or had any idea what to do about them.

During this same time, we've also redone our kitchen; this forced me to eat many meals in the garage. I'm sure it was good for me. It reminds me of the talk that called "The Current Bush" when the Lord decides the time has come for an extreme makeover.

Some months ago I was thinking about the family and thought to myself, "Wow, what lucky person I am. Our family is doing well, everything in my life is going well; what more could I as for?" I think the Lord thought, "Steve, there are some thinks that you need to learn and now is a good teaching moment." I was satisfied with the way things were, but the Lord had a different idea. It was sort of like the kitchen. Everything was fine with it before we started, but someone else thought differently.

From that point, the Lord started the demolition job. Thing after thing just kept happening. I couldn't believe so may problems could arise in such a short time. You all know about them so I don't need to go into them.

I felt that the Lord was tearing me down. Boy did the demolition hurt. It seemed that when I thought nothing else could happen, something else did.

It reminded me of playing racquetball. There is a fellow that, if he gets a little mad because of something I've done, he keeps hitting shot after shot to me. Boy those shots come at you fast. When he does this, I keep asking him, "Have I learned the lesson yet I was supposed to learn?" After a while he will let me know that I've learned it. It is nice to have over.

I got to this point with the Lord, asking him, "Have I learned what I am suppose to learn? I'm a fast learner and I think I should be done" The last time I asked, He responded, "No, there is more to learn."

The final thing, I hope, happened this last week. I got an e-mail from a member of the group that I work with. He told me that he was having problems because I wasn't keep confidences spoken in the group. The rule in the group states that what is said in group is kept in the group. I couldn't believe he would say I had broken confidences. I wrote him back and told him that I had kept the confidences, but that if he didn't believe it, I felt I would have to step down from the group. If he thought I couldn't be trusted, what good was I in the group. He wouldn't be able to say what they wanted to in the group meetings because he might think that I would pass it on to someone else. I really had a lousy couple of days. I worried a lot about this. I talked with the man over the group and told him what happened and wondered if I needed to step down. There wasn't much he could say other than telling me to let him know if things didn't work out. This was one of the low points for me during this time.

A couple of days later I received another e-mail from this person telling me that he had discovered that I wasn't the problem and he was sorry for accusing me. That makes me feel a lot better.

Well, I think the Lord has decided that I am done with this particular learning experience. The reconstruction has begun. I'm excited to see the new me, the me with these experiences incorporated into my life. I'm sure I'll be a better person, but dang, the demolition and reconstruction hurt. It has humbled me and taught me so much. I hope I can learn from what has happened and be able to a better better father and a better instrument in Heavenly Father's hands.

I love you all and pray that the Lord will be with you.

Games

On our wall in the nook off the kitchen hangs a Christmans present. It was given to Vic and me by the kids. This wall tells a lot about our family and what we like to do in our spare time. We love playing games. When the kids were growing up, we, the family, were always playing games, especially on Sunday afternoons. Since that kids didn't want to (or couldn't) go outside and play with friends, we played games. This had many advantages for us as a family. The kids grew closer together and they learned to interact with one another in a positive way. It was a time for the entire family to do something that included everyone and everyone seemed to enjoy the time together. Maybe the enjoyment was forced, but so what.

It is interesting to watch other people play games. There are some that think the world will end if they don't win. Sometimes this type of player isn't very fun to play against because the game is all about them and their winning rather than the seeing the group have a good time. There are others that enjoy the game but don't care about the outcome; they are happy to be with the family. There are still others that are interested in making sure everyone is having a good time playing the game and could care less about winning.

Mom and I are in different universes when it comes to dealing with games. I am very competitive and I want to win. I have seen others that are more competitive, but that is a story for another day. Mom only cares that everyone has a good time. She helps others with answers to questions even if they aren't on her team. It really annoys me when she does this. But Mom only wants everyone to enjoy themselves and she doesn't care about herself. That is a great trait.

Just to give you an idea of my competitiveness, look at the score card on the right. Mom and I were up at the condo on Thursday and played Upwords. As you probably know, Mom is really good at Upwords and I'm okay. Mom loves the game but I don't like playing it too much because I tend to lose. Mom kept asking me if we could play and finally I gave in. I have to play Upwords once in a while or she won't play other games I like. As you can see from the score card, I beat Mom by 77 points. That was a record for me and I was proud of myself. I got almost all of the s's and a lot of other good tiles. Mom didn't seem to get anything good. I beat her and I was so happy!

Mom took the loss with grace. We played another game, SkipBo, and she won the first game. I forced her to play the game again because I was sure I could beat her in a rematch. I did, but Mom laughed at me throughout the entire game because I was doing dumb things like forgetting to use my cards off the stock pile.

Both of us enjoy games, but Mom gets other enjoyment out of them, besides winning a lot of them, by watching others in the family having fun with each other. This will come as a shock, but I'm trying and emulate Mom more often than I have in the past. The games aren't for winning and losing, they are for bringing the family closer together and everyone having a good time with the others in the family.

These ideas also apply to life. If you're just in it for yourself, you won't be happy, and those around you will be miserable, even though you're having a good time. Life is about including others, allowing them to have good times, letting them win once in a while. With that attitude, every one wins once in a while and every one enjoys the time and the companionship of others.

Isn't that what Heavenly Father would want us to do. Life isn't about us, it is about others and helping them out.

Dad

A Lonely Week

It's been a different week. It has been rather lonely since Mom was in Boise for the entire week. She returns this morning and I will be glad to see her.

This week has given me a lot of empathy for Grandma Allan and Grandma Hurst, both of which lost their spouses. Grandma Allan has been a widow for seven years. Great grandmother Rees was a widow for over 20 years. It get pretty lonely sitting in the house by yourself. I think I need to be better about visiting Grandmother Allan during the week.

Tuesday evening I was "on call" to participate in a disciplinary action with the stake. They didn't know if there would be enough men from the high council there. I didn't need to go because enough men showed up.

On Wednesday, I went to my regular group meeting; it was really nice. My partner was in Peru doing an engineering service project, so I was there alone. There were four others there. I enjoy meeting with the group, and since I was out of town the previous week, it was nice to be back.

On Thursday, the high priest group had John Fowles give a presentation on the temple. I really enjoyed his presentation, but there weren't too many there. After the little meeting, we all went to the temple. I enjoyed the session very much and got home about 9:30pm. It was good that I didn't have to sit home another evening by myself.

During the week I went into school four times. Some of those days weren't very productive since I was dealing with things in the department. On Friday, I "let" the department buy me a new laptop. Apparently there is a little money left in the budget that needed to be spent, so I helped them with their problem. I bought an IMAC pro. It is going to take me some time to get used to this laptop, but it is a new toy. I like the possibility of having three different operating systems on it. You have the one the comes with it, then I'll add Vista and some flavor of Linux.

Yesterday I went over to Grandma Hurst's and did something around the house. The painter had finished so I put the face plates back on to cover the outlets and light switches. I did some cleaning up around the house and packed up more stuff that needed to go. The house is supposed to close on June 27. While I was there the house inspector for the family that is buying the house dropped by to make sure everything was okay with the home. He found a couple of things that need to be taken care of, but they shouldn't be much of a problem. He was from Providence so I spent at least a half an hour just talking with him. He really was a nice guy.

Our garage is filling up with things from Grandma Hurst's home. I don't know what we are going to do with it all. I'm sure Mom will find some use for it.

Well, Mom called a little while ago saying she had landed in SLC. I really missed her and am glad she is home. I know she had a great time in Boise because I would receive 3 or 4 calls a day telling me what was going on. I hope that meant that she was missing me too.

Stanley's Adventure With the Idaho Spuds!

Stanley’s adventure with the Idaho Spuds!

(Vicki - adapted from the poem by CJ Heck)

I came to Boise

It’s the state of spuds.

No shirt and tie for me, boys.

I traded for new duds.

Priscilla is my favorite friend

She took me for a ride

We visited the park

Kim ran along beside

We had a frightening accident

And now I’m a bit flatter

Prissie rolled and lay down on me

At least, I didn’t splatter

There's lots to do in Boise

Though Kim often had to work

We made the book at HP

We’ll admit it’s quite a perk.

Where she lives is the Treasure Valley

Here they mined valuable gems
Prospectors kept them buried

That’s where the legend stems

The potatoes are as big as me.

I find them a bit scary

I visited workers in the field

But potatoes are too big to carry.

My favorites were potato flakes

I bet you can’t guess why?

Instead of being round and fat

They are as thin as I.

Kim showed me a new game

It’s called Mr Potato Head

They love it here in Idaho

At least that’s what she said

I am really quite angry
And I am really mad.
I can’t find the happy face,
It’s gone and now I’m sad.

I was playing that Idaho game
Called Mr. ‘Tater Head,
And Prissie barked at me.
As she was being fed.

I was sticking in two eyes,
Then I found a ‘just right’ nose,
But when I stuck his mouth in
It wasn’t where it goes,

So I pulled the mouth back out
And I stuck it back in … there,
But when I tried to give him ears,
His mouth fell on my chair!

I pushed his mouth in one more time,
Then I poked in both his shoes.
(I couldn’t find the purple hat,
That’s what I always lose).

Then the whole thing fell apart!

Everything came all unhooked!

That’s when the dog barked at me …
“Arfff, ya don’t use a ‘tato that’s cooked!”