Gratitude

Have you ever noticed that you don't realize how good something is until it's gone?

A few weeks we played toilet paper dodge ball for FHE. We wanted to play regular dodge ball, but didn't have any balls that wouldn't maim. We taped the toilet paper so it wouldn't get everywhere. It was a fun time and the youth seemed to appreciate the novelty. The only bad thing was that we were left with a dozen double rolls of smashed toilet paper. I tried to give it to the young single adults, but they weren't tempted. I realize a normal person would have tossed them, but I am very much my father's daughter. I spent my growing up years hearing about the virtues of frugality. I couldn't risk the condemnation of just tossing "mostly" good toilet paper. Using what you have been given is a part of appreciation. When I throw something away, I think, "Isn't there somebody who could use this?" or "Why did you buy this if you didn't intent to use it? How spoiled are you." I considered donating it to Brandon and Kram for their camping trips with the Scouts, but figured they might consider me less stable than they do already.

After hoping the toilet paper would disappear on its own, I finally decided we should just use it in the privacy of our master bath where no one else has to see it. I have to tell you it has taught me something. I had never thought to appreciate how slick a normal roll of toilet paper is. You pull on it and the toilet paper rolls off with ease. In a mashed roll, that doesn't happen. Just thought I'd pass that on.

If anybody wants to experience gratitude for the little things, I have eleven more rolls to contribute.

A new research project

Facebook is a mystery to me. Every day, I think of interesting things to study about Facebook and its patrons. If I were starting over in my career, I think I would study the social dynamics of Facebook. Being as I work with data as a profession, the data gathering and association is so very interesting to me.

There are some things I love about Facebook. I can see cute videos and pictures of extended family, that I would never see otherwise. It allows me to have something to say to someone I haven't seen in ages. It allows me to have "conversations" I never could have otherwise. It encourages people to take more pictures so they can share them. It is easy to find people you've lost touch with and keep current with changing email addresses. I have learned a ton from facebook including what mop to buy and what movies to go see. I can get in touch with people who don't answer email, pick up their phone, or respond to texts, but DO respond to being messaged.

However, I have some probing research questions:

1. Are people who have more facebook friends more popular in real life?
2. Who knows 1061 people to be facebook friends with? Would they recognize them if they saw them?
3. Why does a 14 year old want to be friends with their 60 year old neighbor? Is it just to raise their friend count? Does it matter WHO your friends are or just that you have a lot?
4. What can you possibly say to 1061 friends that they will all be interested in?
5. When you post pictures of your scantily clad self going out on Friday night, are you envisioning that among your 1061 friends seeing your post is the bishopric member's wife who so wants to believe your Sunday self is the real you?
6. Why do people who are engaged tell each other how much they love the other by posting on each others walls? Do their 1060 other friends want to read that? Would that be considered newsworthy?
7. Are some people feeling like the biggest losers of all because of facebook, as everybody else seems to be doing fun things and exchanging chatty messages with all of their friends? Why do people carry out private conversations in public? Don't they worry about privacy issues at all? What kinds of information about people can be put together from the information in their posts, comments on their posts, and tagging from other people's posts?
8. Why do people use language that should be confined to X-rated movies in their posts? Don't they realize their friend's mother reads the posts?
9. Why do people post a thought without any context, so you have no idea what they are talking about? For example, one of my "Facebook friends" changed her status from "married" to "single". She lives in another state, and I haven't seen her in years. She used to be one of my Laurels. The only comment was that somebody "liked" it. I'm going, "So why doesn't someone like that change? Is it just that she is keeping profile information confidential? Is she divorced? I so don't get it." Now, a day later, when the other comments are logged, it is clear she is getting divorced. This is the third time I've found out someone was getting divorced because of their facebook status change.
It appears to be part of the culture to give a hint as to what is happening and hope others will ask for more information.

Other examples where I am left asking for 'the rest of the story':
It feels like a Monday.
I can get down the stairs. Life will return to normal.
I am in a relationship.
Things are changing

10. Does a person get a thrill out of having 17 people "like" their pictures or comment on their status?
11. What kinds of personality data can be pulled from Facebook use? Are people who are shy in real life totally different on Facebook? Is it considered a socially acceptable way to say, "Hey, I'm here. Notice me."?
12. Are there any secrets anymore? Is there any news? I can't tell you how many times someone has already heard something on Facebook that I thought was "news".
13. How many hours a day are people spending on Facebook? What could be accomplished if it were silenced?


I'm sure you're thinking I better keep my day job, as I seriously have no clue about Facebook. I guess you're right!

Social Welfare Functions

A few weeks ago there was an odd situation that I became aware of in the Ward. The Relief Society was asked to take in meals and provide transportation, while the ward helped with financial support to a non-member family in our neighborhood. Such areas of welfare are outside of my responsibility, but it just seemed odd to me. I found myself asking our Relief Society President, "Are you okay with this? I have my concerns, but I want to support you." She assured me that, while trying to make sure we weren't creating an expectation we couldn't satisfy, she was okay with the current level of support. I have been completely satisfied with her response and have not considered the matter further.

Just recently, something happened at work that brought this welfare example to mind.

I have been on a committee to make a decision. There is not possibility of satisfying everybody, but we were careful in our decisions, took input from the entire faculty, and even tried to explain to dissenters why the compromise was necessary. I took the responsibility of talking to person A, as I thought I had a good relationship with them. I was not able to persuade person A to the committee decision. Person A said, "Well, I thought we usually agreed on everything, but I guess this is a case where we'll have to agree to disagree." I was fine with that. The decision is a difficult one. It is impossible to make everybody happy. HOWEVER, then person A went to person B to air the complaints. Person B then went ballistic – saying all kinds of inflammatory things through email. The upshot is that person B went to the higher ups to proclaim that the decision was inappropriate – making our department look even more dysfunctional than it is already perceived.

How I wish they would have come to the committee and said, "Are you okay with this? I have my concerns, but I want to support you."

It makes me think that maybe I have gotten a little smarter over the years. Part of humility is to value the opinion of others. Getting the result you want absolutely isn't worth destroying relationships. While decisions come and decisions go, when you destroy relationships, you destroy your world.

We just finished talking about making joint decisions in my multi-agent systems course. The first part of the course is in making competitive decisions, but recently we are talking about cooperative decision-making. There are many methods for taking preferences of individual members and coming up with a group ranking. We term them social welfare functions. The methods need to protect against manipulation, but the idea is that the method genuinely tries to combine the wisdom of all participants. My take away is that we need to value the opinion of others enough that WE genuinely want the group decision to prevail.

Octopus

One of the sisters in our ward makes Octopuses from yarn. For our RS birthday party, she made a hundred of them in various colors to give to the sisters. The idea is that every day you are to touch each of the legs while you think of eight different blessings.

When I heard she was doing that (at her own suggestion), I had a hard time figuring out why someone would make one, let alone 100. (I know. I am so not-crafty.)

However, when I opened my purse this morning and saw that octopus, tears sprang to my eyes. I so needed to be reminded of my many blessings. I'm thinking that octopus may become one of my prized possessions.

Black Day

Trisha and the kids came for the weekend while Brandon had a basketball weekend in Arizona. On Saturday morning, Halle came into my room and said, "You are wearing blue. It is black day."

I invited her to find something appropriate in my closet. She dug through my closet and returned with several options.

I miss the days when my kids would coach me on what to wear, "Mom, you aren't leaving the house in THAT are you?" Without proper coaching, I tend to leave the house on black day wearing blue!

So cute

Before I was called to the Relief Society Presidency nearly four years ago, I had been teaching CTR 5's. It was a change of class for me as of the first of the year, so I had only had the calling for three months. I LOVED that calling and those kids, but that was four years ago. I hardly expect a five year old to remember me for four years.

Last night, I got a facebook friend request from one of my former CTR 5's. How cute is that?

Getting Old

I'm reading the book The Distant Hours. I haven't decided if I like it or not, but I found one section pretty funny. The main characters agreed that "there was nothing so unseemly as an old person who refused to acknowledge his or her limitations, and they'd made a pact never to let it happen to them. When they were old, they swore they would jolly well act the part." They decided to make a list of habits of old people so they would know when they had become old. Here is their list:
1. professing a strong and repeated preference for England when Queen Victoria was on the throne
2. mentioning one's health in any company other than that which included a medical professional
3. failure to put on one's undergarments whilst standing.

I had to laugh as we had just been out with older friends where topics they brought up included
1. medical issues
2. staying in pajamas all day, because it was easier
3. playing solitaire repeatedly all day long.
4. the follies of the younger generation

As I wrap my mind around Steve retiring next month, getting old is definitely on my mind.

Perspective

The last week has been consumed with department head interviews. I've been on DH search committees before, but his assignment has been so demanding. We had two candidates come this week. For each candidate, we met with them as a committee for breakfast, interviewed them as a committee for an hour, took them to dinner, attended their seminar, and took them on a tour of the valley. That is TOO MUCH TIME! I can't figure out why we need to spend so much time with them. I suggested alternatives, but I guess that is what they do in Engineering. The head of the search committee is spending even more time. In addition to what the rest of us are doing, he is also walking him between meetings. He brings his laptop and waits outside of one meeting to take him to the next.

The thing that I find most interesting is the various reactions to the candidates. One talks too much. Another uses too many filler words. One takes too long to form an answer. Someone takes offense at a comment that is made. Someone hates a candidate one day, but likes them the next. Someone hears something in a seminar that I totally took a different way. I guess it is all in your perspective. I'm beginning to think that it is impossible to please this many people. When you are hiring a peer, it is difficult, but hiring your boss is proving to be an overly constrained problem.

Faith

In our YSA ward, there are six children of one family. The family has 13 children, 6 of which are between 19 and 26. They are very bright and extremely musically talented. The youngest Fronk in our ward just got his mission call to Taiwan. He is a tall, good looking, amazing fellow. He has a singing voice that makes the congregation stop breathing. His testimony so touched me.

I wish I could have recorded his testimony, but I'll relay what I remember:

In his words:
As I got this mission call, it occurs to me that I have been preparing for this moment for my whole life. Everything I have done has led up to this moment. Satan has been preparing for this moment too. He so does not want me to go on a mission. Never have I had so much going for me, and never have I felt so much that I have nothing going for me. The thoughts of me learning Mandarin Chinese petrify me. My doubts are huge, but I do not doubt my Heavenly Father. I can count on one hand the times I have slept away from home, without at least one member of my family close. I am my Mother's child. I still hold my Father's hand. I am a home boy. I have faith in my Heavenly Father. I can do this. I will do this.

Nobody is perfect

Kayla's (Greg's girlfriend) dog has been staying with us the past few weeks. She is such a good dog. She comes when you call. Greets you with a kiss. Goes right in her kennel when told do. Never has an accident. I was thinking she is just about the perfect dog until tonight.

I cooked some bacon for dinner and was letting it cool on the counter, when I heard the sound of dog hitting counter. She slurped up half a pound of bacon faster than you can say, ABBBBBYYYY. I guess nobody (or dog) is perfect.

Picture Telephone

Greg told me about a game called "Picture Telephone" which we tried last week at FHE. The first person starts with a sentence. The next person sees the sentence, and draws a picture of the sentence on the next page. Each person in the group alternates between sentence and picture, but only seeing the very last contribution. Here is mine. I started with "Even with the liahona, I get lost in your eyes." [I had been reading Mormon pickup lines and thought it was funny.]

Here is what the rest of the group contributed.

Alda at almost 95

Grandma will be 95 next month. We got her to pose for a few pictures. I told her we wanted to put an article in the newspaper. She said it wasn't necessary, but she let us take the pictures - so I'm guessing she'll be fine with something in the paper. These are the best of two dozen shots.

I'm thinking her hearing is worse than we thought, as this is what she does when we say, "Say cheese". :-)

Bad Dilbert Cartoon

Since we canceled our home phone, I have been the victim of Century Link. My bill is coming electronically so I don't see it. I can see the amount as it is debited from my checking account, but I can't see the bill.

I try to log on, but it doesn't recognize my password.
I ask to reset it.
It asks me for my account number, which is no longer my home phone (as I don't have a home phone). I don't know the account number. They tell me it is on my bill. I don't have my bill.
I call the "contact us" number and they give me the account number - a made up phone number, but they can't reset my password.
They have me log on again, this time with their made up phone number for me.
When I ask to reset my password, they tell me I need a security code WHICH IS ON MY BILL.
I tell them, I don't have my bill. That is why I called.
There is supposed to be a way of sending my password reset info via my email address, but that is broken and the technician can't make it work either.

He says he could call me with my security code information, but I don't have a phone number (that he has recorded). I told him my phone number. He records it, but says he can't use it to call me - because I just called him and told him to change it, so the request could be fraudulent. He could mail it via surface mail, but that would take several days.

His solution, call back and talk to someone else who will have no idea I just changed the contact phone number three second ago. Are you kidding me? So he thinks my request is fraudulent, so he tells me how to circumvent the checks?

I tried to click on the "online chat" link - but the whole webpage went dark - a decidedly bad situation.

So if you can't get your bill, use your bill to find out how to get your bill.

I think the system was designed by a pathetic computer science student who never could program recursively.

Some days are like that...

My programming languages class is at the other end of campus. I don't think I'm sauntering, but people seem to pass me like I'm standing still. Today, I had left my office late as I had students I was talking with until well past the time to leave. I needed to get to class on time. It has been snowing all day, so the walks were icy. My shoes are heavy duty, but have no traction. As I made my way, I tried to pick less icy spots so I could make better time. Still people kept passing me. I tried to match my pace to those who were passing me, but at best, I could keep up. Of the hundred of students on their way to class, I passed no one.

Up ahead, I noticed a woman who didn't seem to be getting any further ahead of me. Since she didn't know we were racing, I thought I had a chance. I noticed that she was in dress boots, but they were low enough that I figured it was still a "fair" competition. The sidewalks got less icy, and I passed her. Ahhh, finally someone I could pass. However, when I got to the engineering building, instead of staying on the sidewalk, she took a diagonal path through the bike racks, sneaking up behind me, and entered the building before me.

Some days are like that.

And in the name of the Lullaby League, We wish to welcome you to Munchkinland.

As visiting teaching percentages go, our ward is near the city of Enoch. It is amazing! Last month, for instance, we had 123 visits made, 3 sisters missed, and 2 sisters for whom the report was “not available”. People are incredibly responsible and giving. I continue to be impressed by the caring I see. However, we are not quite ready to be translated. As a presidency, we inherited a few odd situations. One sister only accepts a specific sister as her visiting teacher. The assignment can never be changed. It has been that way for years. The previous president tried to fix the situation, but quickly learned that the choice was only one of maintaining the status quo or having no visiting teachers accepted at all.

There are other issues. One or two will only visit their best friends. There are those who don’t want to visit, but will drop off treats/gifts. There are those who don’t want a visit, but love treats/gifts. There are a few that don’t want a partner. There are those that have been known to count honking as a visit. Others call to say they can’t go with a specific person or don’t want the visiting teachers assigned to them.

You’ve got to wonder if we bring the problems on ourselves by being so accommodating. I think if everyone understood the cushy routes that count as visiting teaching, there would be even more requests for “treat dropping visiting teachers” or “going to lunch with friends routes”. Yet, you can only take people as you find them. There are still plenty of opportunities for growth. Maybe the growth is mine. I must admit, my first reaction was, “You have GOT to be kidding me. This is ‘love one another’? This is your idea of sacrifice? With all the trials many of us are facing, you have the time to stress about your visiting teaching route?” It was really distressing at first. I just couldn’t get my mind around it. Now, little surprises me. I find the whole thing intensely interesting. Instead of being judgmental, I find myself curious – like I’ve entered Munchkinland and am studying the route to the Emerald City.

I think visiting teaching is one of those requirements that is much deeper than it appears at first glance. We think we are visiting teaching so that everyone has someone to care for them. We have an organization which facilitates bringing in meals, caring for the sick, and looking after the welfare needs of the members. It is far from efficient. A person is both a visiting teacher and a visiting teachee. One completed visit takes the time of three people, not counting those who call to check up and those who tally the report. When you use the visiting teachers as a calling tree, it is cyclic. Some (in their own way) seek to counsel the Lord in this matter. I rather think the Lord is trying to teach us: This is NOT about efficiency. This is not about what is convenient for you. This is not about your schedule, your friends, or your comfort. This is about loving EVERYONE. Love is not convenient. Love doesn’t expect gratitude. Anybody can love the Dorothy’s of the world. How hard is that? The challenge comes in serving the winged monkeys.