Bad Dilbert Cartoon

Since we canceled our home phone, I have been the victim of Century Link. My bill is coming electronically so I don't see it. I can see the amount as it is debited from my checking account, but I can't see the bill.

I try to log on, but it doesn't recognize my password.
I ask to reset it.
It asks me for my account number, which is no longer my home phone (as I don't have a home phone). I don't know the account number. They tell me it is on my bill. I don't have my bill.
I call the "contact us" number and they give me the account number - a made up phone number, but they can't reset my password.
They have me log on again, this time with their made up phone number for me.
When I ask to reset my password, they tell me I need a security code WHICH IS ON MY BILL.
I tell them, I don't have my bill. That is why I called.
There is supposed to be a way of sending my password reset info via my email address, but that is broken and the technician can't make it work either.

He says he could call me with my security code information, but I don't have a phone number (that he has recorded). I told him my phone number. He records it, but says he can't use it to call me - because I just called him and told him to change it, so the request could be fraudulent. He could mail it via surface mail, but that would take several days.

His solution, call back and talk to someone else who will have no idea I just changed the contact phone number three second ago. Are you kidding me? So he thinks my request is fraudulent, so he tells me how to circumvent the checks?

I tried to click on the "online chat" link - but the whole webpage went dark - a decidedly bad situation.

So if you can't get your bill, use your bill to find out how to get your bill.

I think the system was designed by a pathetic computer science student who never could program recursively.