The Bystander Effect

Patrica Deyton gave an interesting workshop on the bystander effect. It was thought provoking. A bystander is someone who observes something negative. They may or may not do anything about it. The following contains some of an email I sent to the presenter.

She started with the quote: "In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." Martin Luther King Jr.

Typical bystander reactions are: (1) diffusion of responsibility (2) Fear (loss of respect, silent disapproval, vulnerability, considered to be over-reacting) (3) uncertainty.

Bystander strategies: (1) inclusion (2) discovery (get more information) (3) cool things down (take a break, use humor) (4) heating things up (I don't feel good about this. That is unacceptable.) (5) body language/signaling (shake head. don't laugh. Say, "When you do X, I feel Y." Get up and leave. Turn away.)

She had us work through various scenarios in small groups. One scenario had to do with a woman and her team of men presenting their plan. After the meeting, one of the clients said, "What now? Normally we go to a strip club." I was at a table where two of the people had actually had the "strip bar" scenario played out and they went. A third said it wouldn't bother her. [One of our earlier speakers talked about poor behavior in the online community and said that they defend themselves with the thinking, "It isn't a problem for me, so it shouldn't be a problem for you." I saw that thinking here.] One followed up with, "But if I was with a younger woman whom it bothered, I hope I would say something." I thought, "But how will you know whether it bothers them or not? If you have gone to strip clubs with the same group the last three times, will you be able to say something on the fourth time." Those that went said it was "huge" for them - as they were seen as one of the guys and got other business sent their way because of going with the flow.

In thinking about it more, I think they are wrong in going just to "not miss out on networking possibilities". It might be better for them, but it is not better. Their going only makes it worse for the next person put in that situation. Based on their participation, the men involved have got to think, "Women don't mind. This is acceptable". I would definitely not have gone - absolutely no question and I would have told them why.

I do think a huge part of the problem is what we call "two player games" in computer science. If you google "prisoner's dilemma", you will find a good discussion on wikipedia. For each combination of events, each player gets a utility. In the strip bar example, the players are two bystanders to a bad situation Here are the cases to consider. We assume speaking up has great risk - or otherwise there is no dilemma. Case 1: the other player speaks out. In this case, there is no reason for me to speak out, because the problem is taken care of. Case 2: the other player will not speak out. Now, I can think, the problem must not be too serious as the other person is doing nothing. Or, the risks are greater than I thought. Or, gee, I don't even have the support of this other person I thought saw it my way. Or, no one can blame me because they didn't do anything either. Or, someone of higher rank should be the one to correct this. All those reactions, make it easier for the person NOT to speak up. The utility for speaking up is seen to be lower than the utility for remaining quiet. We have what is called a dominant strategy. If person A speaks up, person B is "better off" not speaking up. If person A does NOT speak up, person B is still "better off" not speaking up. Not speaking up is "better" in both cases. The message we MUST deliver is this, "If you aren't part of the solution, you are part of the problem."

I am in a department of mainly men. Over the past 26 years, the women in faculty meeting have usually either been instructors or untenured, so they aren't really in a position to make waves. I can't tell you the number of times I have been talked over or ignored, getting no credit until someone else in the room makes the same comment. I can count a few times when someone has come to my defense, but usually, the poor behavior goes without comment. How much it would have meant for others to speak up. Either they don't see the problem or they figure, "Vicki is strong. She can take care of it." I can, but I shouldn't have to be my own bystander. It is sometimes hard to think clearly about the issues because you are so involved. You ask, "Did I do something to warrant this behavior?" You really need someone else to validate your feelings.

The bad behavior isn't just directed at me. Many inappropriate comments are made, and because of the lack taking a stand, have really gotten worse over the years. We just had an untenured woman leave because the department is "toxic for women". Last year, in trying to support a suggestion she made, I was drug into a very negative series of public email interchanges. No one, not even the defended, seemed to realize what had occurred.

While passively protecting the victim is good, saying something to the perpetrator seems important too. In my discussion group, someone condoned their gutless actions (about the strip bar) by saying, "Do you really think you are going to change that person by saying anything? Remember the presentation earlier in the conference about habits and the difficulty of changing them. That person isn't going to change." ARGGG!

Years ago, I was sitting at my son's baseball game. I was just behind the other team's coach and could hear his interaction with his team. When they hit poorly, he would criticize them by saying, "That is a sister swing." After hearing him use that phrase multiple times, I stood up and said, "I find that terminology unacceptable. My daughter plays baseball and her "sister swing" is amazing." I was MAD. I was surprised at the depth of my own anger. The coach was a teacher at my daughter's school, and I called to complain about his sexist comments. The next time we played that team, he apologized. However, the most interesting part for me was the comments of the woman I was sitting by. She said, "You hear that all the time. I don't think he was even aware of what he said. I guess it really isn't a compliment." I'm convinced that when we speak up, we often have more effect on others who see our example, are sensitized to the issues, and become braver because of what we did.

1-9-90

Another thing I learned from the conference is the 1-9-90 rule. It works like this, if you post something to facebook/blog/twitter, 1% of the people do the posting. 9% comment. and the other 90% are lurkers. In some environments, it is more like .01, .09, 99.9. His point was that a small percent of the people affect everyone else.

Another fact, pictures are 8.5 times more engaging than just text.

Changing behaviors

Another interesting talk at NCWIT was by David Neal, a behavioral psychologist. He said that space and memory are tightly bound. This explains why when you go to the garage to get something, you may forget what you went for.

He said that in European countries there is a big difference between various countries and organ donation. Some were near 100% while others were around 12%. In studying it, they learned that all countries had organ donation as an option on the drivers license. The difference was that in the 100% countries, people had to opt out of organ donation where in the 12% countries, people had to opt in. While we would expect people care about organ donation, most just took the default.

In context cued behavior, we do something because of the place, time, or activity. We need to disrupt the sequence.

They did studies with giving people popcorn before a movie. They either gave them fresh, warm popcorn or stale popcorn. They found that people that are habitual popcorn eaters ate it no matter whether it was good or bad popcorn, while non-habitual eaters were selective. They also found that giving people popcorn during a music video decreased the amount of popcorn consumed as popcorn assumption isn't tied mentally to music videos.

For things you don't do often, you can control behavior by simple vigilance or using "if then plans". An if-then plan ties an intention to environmental cues. It could take the form, "When I go to the restaurant, I am only going to look at the salad section."

Things to consciously target: (1)Cues, people, places, times, decisions points. (2) mistaking familiar for preferred (3) Shutting down the information search.

Often, if you are stuck, imagine what someone else would do to solve the problem. Often, getting out of your familiar thought process if helpful.

Growth mindset

I am at NCWIT - a conference for women in computer science. I attended an interesting presentation by Carol Dweck about mindsets. It was so compelling!

She said that people fall into two categories. Those with a fixed mindset believe that intelligence is fixed, an inherent trait. Those with a growth mindset believe that intelligence is something that grows with practice. Alfred Binet was the inventor of the IQ test. He believed that intelligence increases with practice (a plastic brain) and was enraged to see the way the IQ test has been used - to measure a "fixed" trait.

Research has shown that the more someone exercises their brain, the more connections are formed, and the higher the intellect. You must exercise it like a muscle. People who adapt the growth mindset have a huge advantage. Growth mindset people believe that learning is the most important thing. In contrast, those with the fixed mindset believe you should look talented at all costs. They put faith in their ability, not in hard work Those with the growth mindset study more deeply as they are studying to learn, rather than just getting the right answer.

Those in the fixed mindset believe it should come naturally. Effort makes them feel dumb. Those in the growth mindset believe in hard work and effort. We have heard of the 10,000 hours of effort to become good at something. However, this is 10,000 hours of pushing our comfort zone.

Homer Simpson: trying is the first step towards failure.

Those in the fixed mindset view setbacks as something to be hidden. Those in the growth mindset confront difficulties.

As teachers/parents, we should praise EFFORT not intelligence. Praising intelligence puts children in a fixed mindset. It backfires. We give the wrong message about what is valued. Those of the fixed mindset want to do something they are good at. Those of the growth mindset want to be challenged.

When praised for the process, kids want a hard task - as they have nothing to lose. Those in the fixed mindset were upset if they struggled and made mistakes. In fact, those of the fixed mindset were likely (38%) to lie about their score, if they hadn't done well. The more the process of learning was praised, the greater the desire for challenge.

Don't say: You did that so quickly and easily you must be smart.

Do say: You did that so quickly and easily. I'm sorry I wasted your time. Let's do something we can learn from.

Impact of encouragement: you grow your math brain. The more practice the more you learn. You look for a new kind of math problem.

Instead of saying someone failed, say, "You haven't learned that YET." Yet is a powerful word, as it assumes the skill will be mastered.

Examples. I'm not good at ________ YET.

I tried but it didn't work YET.

Don't comfort students who are doing poorly - as that reinforces the fixed mindset. It is writing them off.

It is important to train people to acquire the growth mindset. Her website has some resources for doing so. This is particularly important for people that are part of an underrepresented group. Those in the fixed mindset say, "The talents for this major are fixed and your group doesn't have the skill." Thus, they are more likely to give up at the first hint of problems.

If the message a major puts out is that "This major is about raw talent and genius", they are less likely to attract women and minorities. If they are told the major requires hard work, dedication and learning, it is more appealing to those who are in the minority. Instead of saying minorities under-perform in an area, talk about the reasons - they weren't mentored, had no opportunity, etc.

Fixed mindset managers are less likely to mentor and don't notice improvements.

Growth mindset managers know that effort and learning are a cause of talent.

Look at: http://www.mindsetworks.com/brainology/ It teaches students the growth mindset.

Say things like, "Everyone can improve greatly in this course." The brain changes with learning. Think of someone you thought had low ability and now are at the pinnacle of their profession. It happens all the time.

Those with the fixed mindset "hit a wall" when things get hard. Praise effort not achievement.

The Future is Not a Tote Bag

Now that I drive to and from work by myself, I've taken to listening to audiobooks I get from the library.

My latest is Lots of Candles Plenty of Cake

There are several quotes I really like:

"I was never one of those women who tell you that their spouse is their best friend, that they're always on the same page. I feel like you're ahead of the game if you're even in the same book."

"Control is an illusion; best intentions are the best we can do. I remember imagining that I could chart a course that would take me from one place to another. I thought I had a handle on my future. But the future, it turns out, is not a tote bag."

Happy Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day to the best mom ever!

Delusional

Lately I've been noticing that a lot of women my age look OLD and FAT. When I told one of our recent hires that I was the same age as the dean, he was incredulous saying I didn't dress like I was that old. I wonder how people my age are supposed to dress?

Anyway, I've decided I really need to lose some weight. I have been walking every day for a few weeks now and have lost ZERO pounds. I have been telling myself this weight just must be my "set point." I just found a great online calorie counter (calorielookup.com) which keeps track of your calories, your weight, and your exercise. I was thinking I'd had a pretty good day - so I decided to enter my foods and exercise. I was doing great until I had to confess to the Aggie ice cream on a sugar cone. It was an ah ha moment.

I wonder how many other things I "think" I'm doing pretty well at.