End of an Era

For years, Sunday dinner meant the Allan's. Early on, it was the two of them. Expectations were high. No casseroles or shortcuts were allowed. Sunday dinner meant meat and potatoes, rolls, dessert, fresh vegetables. I remember the time when I didn't fix rolls. I apologized but explained the weekend had been too hectic to get them made. During the meal, I asked Glen if I could get him anything. He announced, with disgust, "YOU COULD GET ME ROLLS." Too funny. Sunday dinner was an event.

After Glen died, Grandma Allan would drive herself to our house. When that became unsafe, Steve or one of the kids would go to her house fifteen minutes away; she would be waiting in the glider outside. As she got slower and less stable on her feet, we would go inside and walk along side her as she slowly made her way to the front door. For the last eight months, Steve has been unable to drive safely so I was typically the one to make the trek. Forty five minutes to pick her up. Forty five minutes to return her to her home. It has taken real strategy to figure out meals which need minimal effort the last 45 minutes before serving. When I couldn't figure out how to get the meal on the table and pick up grandma, Greg was always willing to make the trip.

This last Sunday, when I went to pick her up, the round trip stretched to well over an hour. She absolutely couldn't take a step without help. She was trying to use the facilities when I arrived and was so unsteady that she had to sit after I slid down each layer. We repeated the process getting her dressed again - her resting after each layer while I pulled and smoothed. I have no idea how she accomplishes the necessary when someone isn't there to deal with the clothing and pads. Getting out of her house and to the car was a MAJOR ordeal, I kept thinking, "Why would she even want to leave her home when it takes this much effort? Certainly food cannot be this important. This is absolutely crazy, as well as unsafe."

As tough as that was, getting up and down our five front porch steps was even worse. With Greg on one side and Steve on the other, they practically lifted her up the stairs. At no time during the hour long saga did she take one step on her own. She couldn't even walk with the walker - but sat on it and was pushed.

Perhaps Sunday dinner will now mean we eat with her at the assisted living. The days of eating at our house are history.

This past week has taken incredible effort. While we were enjoying education week, Bob and Kathy had so much to do. Grandma fell twice (causing them to leave their bed or their work to come to her aid). She had a dentist appointment, a hair appointment (which senior care took care of), an appointment with her doctor, and an extra trip to instacare. All that on top of taking her to dinner, bring in the paper each day, taking out the garbage can, bringing in food, helping her get into bed. Whew! I felt badly that I couldn't help. What is worse is that now that the semester has begun, I am still unavailable to help. I am begging that they put her in assisted living. This is asking too much of the caregivers and is unsafe.

Doubt your doubts rather than doubt your faith

We are here at education week and loving it. Probably my favorite speaker of the day was David Marsh on dealing with doubts in the church. He said that many young single adults are losing their testimonies because of anti-mormon literature posted on the web.

He listed a variety of things that cause doubts to arise:

1. trials that we have diminish us

2. Encounters with new information

3. Educational Pursuits

4. Unsettling interactions with other members or leaders in the church.

He suggested several responses

a. It is ok to experience doubts, but don't let them linger.

b. Fortify your faith in Jesus Christ

c. Seek to resolve doubt through sincere prayer.

d. Clear the ground of rocks so faith is not limited by stumbling blocks

President Uchtdorf: The missionary effort of the Church is founded upon honest investigators asking heartfelt questions. Inquiry is the birthplace of testimony. Some might feel embarrassed or unworthy because they have searching questions regarding the gospel, but they needn’t feel that way. Asking questions isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a precursor of growth.

Elder Holland: Brothers and sisters, this is a divine work in process, with the manifestations and blessings of it abounding in every direction, so please don’t hyperventilate if from time to time issues arise that need to be examined, understood, and resolved. They do and they will. In this Church, what we know will always trump what we do not know. And remember, in this world, everyone is to walk by faith.

Neal A. Maxwell: Do not underestimate the importance of what you do as articulators. In praising C. S. Lewis, Austin Farrer wrote, "Though argument does not create conviction, lack of it destroys belief. What seems to be proved may not be embraced; but what no one shows that ability to defend is quickly abandoned. Rational argument does not create belief, but it maintains a climate in which belief may flourish."1 I am thankful to those who help to provide the needed "climate."

There are a group of the faithful who are working at giving thoughtful answers to troubling questions. The website fairlds.org is the result.

e. Don't be afraid to believe too much.

f. Express your gratitude. Come to know God.

g. Center your life on Jesus Christ.

h. Increase your knowledge of the truth. Don't be satisfied with superficial knowledge - which is all you have time for in Sunday School.

Boyd K Packer: Put difficult questions in the back of your minds and go about your lives. Ponder and pray quietly and persistently about them.

The church is not trying to hide information, but our understanding of history changes. Remember the Sweetwater rescue? We didn't have the sequence of events quite right.

i. One truth does not contradict another. Living by faith does not relieve us of the obligation of learning for ourselves. You will always find a reasonable answer to anti-mormon literature. Here is the test to apply:

1. Is it a pattern in the scripture

2. Do living prophets teach it?

3. Is it in harmony with current practices and policies?

4. Does the spirit testify of truthfulness?

When people are struggling, one of the worst things you can say is, "Just go pray about it." While praying will help, unless you supply other information, the person feels abandoned.

Opinions that cannot stand up under discussion are not worth holding.

Perseverance

I think we could all take a lesson from Abby. The other night she was begging for me to throw the stick to her. She is very athletic, and often catches it mid-air. When the stick ended up in the neighbor's tree, I thought it was a good time to take a break. I went down to the hammock and started reading my book. Abby kept searching for the stick. She would look up in the tree, circling it. The tree was too tall, but she noticed a low branch on my peach tree. She jumped and landed with a branch of the peach tree. I was not about to reward a peach tree attack, so I wouldn't throw it (or any other stick) to her. As I lay there, she kept bringing me tiny sticks from the yard until I had a small pile.

Later that night, we took her on a walk, using stick fetching as a reason for her to return to us. Near the end of the walk she was running for the stick, grabbing it in her mouth just before she hit the curb. She bled a bit, but was still eager to play fetch. We didn't realized until later that she had punctured the bottom of her mouth. Poor girl.

Since then, I won't throw a stick to her - but have switched to a ball. The other day on our walk, I couldn't find a ball, so we went with nothing to fetch. She found a stick, but I wouldn't throw it to her. She kept dropping it at my feet, but I would walk by saying, "No stick, Abby." On our walk, she found three groups of kids who would throw the stick to her. She was tempted to stay with them, but she did consent to continue the walk with me even though there was no stick throwing.

Ari

We watched Ari while her family went to the lake for the weekend. What a delightful girl. She folded her arms during the prayer, loved stories, and loved the dog. Look at Abby's eyes. She is waiting patiently for us to throw the stick.