Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Picasso really could paint

I learned that Picasso really can paint! We tend to think of him as being so odd. And indeed his later paintings were so strange. Even with the name, it was hard to tell what they were. Below is "girl in the mirror"! It actually does look like a girl in the mirror.

Some of his others are totally unrecognizable. However, I really liked his early work - before he got so creative.

When he wanted to change colors, he would "clean his brush" on the canvas, leaving the paint in an obvious spot.

He painted his sister, Lola, many times. I'm feeling bad that none of my siblings chose to paint me!

During his "blue" period, everything had a blue cast. Sometimes the colors didn't even stay in the lines.

The museum showed various versions of the picture, as he painted over sections.

Lots of his paintings had windows - to show transition.

I thought this "still life" was interesting. He made lots of them as they were easy to sell. (No clue why??) They made a big deal of this early still life, saying he had copied from various other painters. The black outline from one painter. The flatness of the flowers from Matisse. The flowers on the left, his own trademark. Who knew? It looks liked a boring still life to me, but now I see more (I think).

For a time, he was interested in the socially marginalized. I like the "Madman" below. His enlarged feet and raggedly clothes were symptomatic of mental disorder and poverty. His hands pointing oddly to his head connoted unrest.

He was also interested in other forms of illness.

It was a very interesting experience!

Parc Guell

Such a delightful place. Commissioned by a friend, Gaudi is at his best with this park. It was originally a private residence, but they must have gotten tired of the hike to get there. Now it is just a city park. So much fun!

Monday, February 18, 2013

So not an artist

We visited the Barcelona Museum of Contemporary Art today. I don't know how many times I heard, "Why is this art? I'm so not an artist? I don't like contemporary art. Couldn't kindergarteners have done the same thing?"

I actually kind of enjoyed it. There were exhibitions on women's rights, oppression, loss due to war, Palestian issues. I found myself doing a lot of introspection.

I could have so used a tour - but one in English didn't start until much later.

One of the interesting things was a display of three bottles of coke. One empty, one half full, one full. At first, you thought there was something about the bottle being half-full (and that view of optimism). What they were really showing you is that people took the bottles and inscribed a message on them ("Yankees go home", for example) and then returned the bottle to the manufacturer. You couldn't see the message until it was filled again.

Another interesting exhibit was a film of a fellow who had been commissioned to draw a mural - and THEN paint over it. It was to demonstrate revisionism. Weird.

Another weird thing was a room where you had to take off your shoes. Inside was a floor of sand (covered with plastic), balls on the floor, and images being displayed on the wall. It connoted drug use. The kids who were at the museum loved kicking the balls around. At that exhibit, we met a couple from New Jersey who were as disgusted with the whole museum as Steve was. The fellow had such an accent, I couldn't tell it was English for a while. So funny!

Life's Work

We visited the Sagrada Familia today - the life's work of Antoni Gaudi. The Basilica was started in 1882. Gaudi got involved the next year. He devoted his life to creating this "bible in stone". He died in 1926, yet the work on the Basilica continues. They think it will be done in 2026 (100 years after his death).

How impressive! It would be exciting if all of our life's work could be displayed in such a visual form.

He patterned his creations after what is found in nature. It is interesting how much geometric exists in nature.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Even inspiration sometimes needs help...

For years now, I've been trying out for nursery.

When I was in the primary presidency, we would have so much trouble getting people to accept the nursery calling. I would often visit the nursery so they could see how great I would be there.

When I knew I was going to be released from YW in the near future, I spent every Sunday School time in the nursery so they could see my talents. It didn't work.

When I was in the home ward RS presidency (but attending Steve's YSA ward), I would leave his three hour block but be too lazy to sit through another Sunday School lesson. I looked for a place to hang out. I tried going to singing time, but after a few weeks the primary president finally asked me if she was being released and I was her replacement. I decided nursery was a safer place. I hung out in the nursery for the hour before RS for a year. I thought it was great fun.

For the past six months, I've been teaching CTR-4, and have loved it. My partner was released today (to become a compassionate service leader). We got a new Primary presidency as well, displacing teachers and nursery workers. They said they were moving people around and wondered how I would like scouts or Valiant-9. I told them I would do anything they wanted. I paused, "I could even do nursery."

The fourth time is the charm! They took me up on it. Sitting on the floor, eating teddy grahams, playing with kids. It doesn't get any better than that!

There's no place like home

Grandma Allan has been fighting any attempts to move her into a safer and more convenient location. With the incredible storms we have been having and her loss of mobility, getting out of her home is tough!

On Thursdays, Grandma has a regular hair appointment. I can almost never take her. This semester is an absolute nightmare. I have meetings virtually every Thursday. Kathy has been spending a lot of time in Boise, as Lauren has had some health issues. Steve has stopped driving. Knowing last week's hair appointment posed a problem, Kathy and I suggested that home health care wash her hair on Wednesday and her cleaning gal put a few curls in it with the curling iron. Evidently, that was unacceptable as Grandma asked her visiting teachers to take her to her hair appointment.

This week we had the added issue of a dentist appointment.

A great granddaughter, Taylor, and her boyfriend were to be chauffeurs. Taylor doesn't have a car. She and her boyfriend took the bus to Grandmas, getting there an hour early (as with buses, you don't have much choice). They took her to her dentist appointment (driving Grandma's car) and waited for her to be done. Then, they drove her home. After that, they had to take the bus back to their apartment.

I said to Grandma, "WOW. That took hours. You should pay them." Her response was, "Oh, they weren't doing anything." I was in shock. She wants to remain in her home so desperately that she won't allow herself to see all the effort that it takes to keep her there. Someone comes by every morning to bring in her newspaper (as it is too dangerous for her to go out to get it). Someone shovels her walks multiple times a week. Someone comes everyday to help her get dressed. Someone brings in meals virtually every day. Home health care comes five days a week. A cleaning gal comes each week. She gets multiple calls a day.

I think we may have reached a turning point this week, however. She fell again on Friday. With two artificial knees, if she falls, she must have help to get up. She was sick with gastrointestinal issues, requiring multiple cleanups of the carpeting. Luckily, Bob and Kathy were available and willing (as much as anyone is willing for such cleanup) to come to her aid. There reaches a point where an almost 96 year old woman just needs full time access to care. Too bad we don't have any magic slippers to return to a happier time.

An ounce of prevention is.... evidently impossible

We fly through JFK this week on our way to Barcelona (for a conference). Looking at the chaos in NYC after a foot of snow, I decided it seems crazy to deliberately fly into such a mess.

According to USA today: Delta was among the airlines to relax its rules, saying travelers scheduled to fly to nearly two dozen cities from Maine to Pennsylvania would be permitted to make a one-time change to their travel schedules without the standard fee.

More than 6,600 flights have been canceled since Thursday in the United States, with most of those coming at airports affected by the storm.

So, I decided to take Delta up on their offer.

After spending a half hour on their phone system (which always stated the response was invalid and to try again), I learned that they could indeed route me through Paris on the departing trip (which is the exact route my return trip takes). HOWEVER, they would charge me $750. I said, "I thought it was free?" They said, "Well, the flight to JFK hasn't been canceled yet. But even if I waive that fee, I still have to charge you $500 for a difference in fare. You got a good rate when you scheduled two months ago." I said, "But I'm going to the same place via a standard route."

Unbelievable. They'll charge me $750 to reroute me to avoid a storm, but if they choose to cancel my flight (forcing rerouting), do they ever pay me $750 for MY inconvenience? ARGGGG!

Monday, February 4, 2013

Larger than Life

There has been a great deal of stress trying to get of grandma's needs taken care of. Today she had a dentist appointment. Since Steve is no longer driving and Kathy had to work, her chauffeur options are pretty limited. I told her I could take her if she could move it to my lunch hour, but I had other obligations the rest of the day. I've got so much to do, that I'm barely staying afloat putting in twelve hour days.

Anyway, Norm arranged for his grand daughter, Taylor, to drive her. Alda was less than thrilled. She said to me, "I'd rather have you do it, because you are larger."

If that isn't motivation to get on that treadmill, I don't know what is. So funny!

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Another Gift

I thought of another great memory for the week that came via FHE.

We were playing human foosball. We had been planning it for a while. During Sardines, we found the PVC pipe (from the last time someone played human foosball). People that had played said it can be pretty dangerous. We brought an exercise ball and a volleyball (not knowing which would be better). After one kick, the exercise ball was selected. I think it was a good choice, as I saw several people get nailed and not be disabled. Everyime it was kicked, I swore it was going to be the end of the exercise ball - but it survived the abuse without mishap.

The activity was on Martin Luther King day, but I decided not to cancel FHE because it was our turn for the gym. Who can give up gym access? We had about 16 youth come - three girls and 13 guys. Is this even the true church when more guys come than gals? It was so fun.

After a half hour, we abandoned human foosball in favor of volleyball. Our ward is big on volleyball. One of the volleyball standards is stripped, so Steve served as the anchor. Since we had too many players, two on each team would cycle out. That gave me a chance to visit with them one on one.

One of the gals who came is an engineer for Logan City. She thinks it is cool that we are both "engineers". We always have some good laughs when we are together. We chit chatted back and forth.

I had made cream cheese apple dip - which is always a hit. People tried to guess what was in it. They slicked up every apple slice I brought.

One of the benched players, Jeff, was new to the ward. I had learned that during the weekends he serves as security for the general authorities. He hinted at amazing stories, that were too personal to share. We talked of his issues on gun control and how he learned to shoot so well. Impressive guy!

One of the young men in our ward is from our home ward. He has been un or under-employed since he graduated in economics seven years ago. Several weeks ago, he had created a YouTube video explaining the Laffer Curve. It was so creative. I told him he was a natural and should consider becoming a teacher.

During his bench time, he told me he had decided to get his PhD and was asking about admittance and letters of recommendation. It was a good feeling to know that I had helped him to find direction. I told him I would be happy to write a letter of recommendation telling people what a great guy he was, but obviously could not comment on his academic abilities. He said, "I may need that. I'll keep you in mind."

I saw Jeff give me a double take, wondering why the 1st counselors wife is giving advice on PhDs. I loved it! I will really miss this calling when Steve is released, but I am reminded that callings are divided into minutes. If the minutes are successful, the calling has been successful - even if we don't serve the full length.

Every Day is a Gift

In the spirit of 'Everyday is a gift", I feel the need to reflect upon a favorite moment of the week. I am teaching CTR-4s. I pull their names from a can when I need a volunteer. I like the way it works, but I never know if the child really wanted to volunteer (though I've never had one turn me down.) The class is new to me, so I don't know what to expect when I call on them to pray.

Last week, Brock gave the closing prayer. He started out in a manner typical of four year olds, but then he became much more specific, using language not typical for a four year old. "Thank you for the gospel." "Thank you for our teacher." "Thank you for my family who loves me". The prayer showed no signs of coming to an end. I opened my eyes to see how the class was dealing with it. They were all folding their arms, with their eyes tightly closed. Being as I had no witness, I kept my eyes opened as I was totally taken it by the beauty and sincerity of such a special little boy. He continued, "Thanks for the temple." "Thanks for the tabernacle."

I found myself examining my own prayers. When is the last time I gave thanks for the tabernacle? Have I ever given thanks for the tabernacle?

I was filled with such love for one little boy. I don't think callings get better than CTR-4.

Closed door policy

As some of you know, we have been facing stress because of Grandma's decline and inability to perform "daily acts of living". This has created a host of interesting family dynamics. Everyone who has gone through it, or counseled people through it, tells me this is typical of how families react.

My analytical mind tries to make sense of it all.

One thing that is intensely interesting is the expectations of whose time is demanded.

When I was a young assistant professor, I would leave my door open a lot, to be accessible to students. I found students would interrupt my work to ask, "Can I borrow a stapler?" "Where is the restroom?" It occurred to me that because of my gender, they were confusing me with the secretary, who (in their minds) is infinitely interruptable.

As I got to be better known, the interruptions would still occur. Students from other classes would ask, "Can you help me with my assignment?" I would say, "I know how, but if I answer questions for everyone who wanders by, I will not complete the work I am expected to do. You need to see your instructor." They would say, "I don't want to bother him." or "It isn't his office hours." Other times, they would ask, "Is Dr. X (with an office next door) available?" I would say, "I'm not sure. Try his door." Then, they would respond, "Oh, I don't want to waste his time if it's not convenient." MY time wasn't valued, but his time was. Obviously, this did not go over well. I now keep my door shut, like everybody else does.

I see the same thing happening with care for Grandma. Kathy's time is demanded while others' time is not. Kathy needs to be gone for the week. For months now, Grandma expects Kathy to bring dinner over every night, even though she has leftovers (and plan aheads) in the fridge. Grandma refuses to warm them up. Grandma keeps asking, "How am I supposed to eat this week while Kathy is gone?" Kathy has said, "Well, you will have food in the fridge you can warm up. Plus, Bob is a pretty good cook. If he cooks something, he may bring you some. If he goes out for take-out, he'll call to see if you want something." Her response was, "Oh, I couldn't do that to Bob." She has been 'doing it' to Kathy for years, but she can't do it to Bob? My experience indicates that people think women are here to serve. Evidently it is ten times worse if you are a nurse.

The other thing that is so interesting (in the expectations of who does what)is Grandma's desire to stay in her home. Staying in her home is no picnic. She stresses about yardcare, cleaning, getting to appointments, food. Her mobility is getting bad. She can't get to bridge or other social events without someone to take her and pick her up. She has to rely on others for multiple things throughout the day, from having her paper brought in to delivering her meals. Her ability to get out is severely limited. She never even looks at her yard anymore. I'm convinced that the primary reason she wants to stay in her home is that it is convenient for JaNae and Lynda when they come. She has said repeatedly that they need a place to stay and that they won't visit her if they don't have the benefits of their own space. They need a home away from home and a car. I find it interesting that she doesn't care what heroic efforts it takes from the Cache Valley siblings/spouses, as long as it is more convenient for her daughters.

For months now, Grandma will call Kathy and say, "I'm hungry. I haven't eaten since breakfast. Can you bring me dinner?" She doesn't do that to me. She evidently senses what I would say: "We are having leftovers from Sunday. We sent some home with you. Can you warm them up?"

No wonder Kathy is forced to 'close her door'. It is self preservation.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Did I miss the memo?

We have been having some terrible weather. The poor air quality ranks us the worst in the nation. Sub-zero temperatures are rampant. On Thursday, the freezing rain turned my car into an instant ice ball as I left for work. Walking from the car to the building was horrible. I drug myself up the steps to Old Main by clinging to the ice covered railing.

On Friday morning, I left for work at 7:30. The frozen rain made the roads slick. The fog was incredible. I couldn't see twenty feet. I was going twenty miles at hour tops, and saw absolutely no one. I left my subdivision. I got to the field road. I traveled past the school crossing. I saw no cars, no people, nothing. All of a sudden, I had the thought, "Travel is so dangerous. We have been told not to leave our homes. Everybody knows it but me. I didn't get the memo."

By the time I got to Cliffside, I finally saw a few cars, crawling along. If they got further than a few car lengths away, they completely disappeared. I had to concentrate to figure out where I was, so I didn't turn early or end up in the river. My co-worker said he turned too soon and ended up in a business parking lot downtown.

I was so relieved to get to work. Next time, I'm so looking for the memo.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Journal Keeping

A friend loaned me a book about a woman with Early Onset Alzheimers. The book had far too many F-bombs for my liking, so I won't even tell you the name. I found this interchange touching:

"You're so beautiful," said Alice. "I'm so afraid of looking at you and not knowing who you are."

"I think that even if you don't know who I am someday, you'll still know that I love you."

"What if I see you, and I don't know that you're my daughter, and I don't know that you love me?"

"Then, I"ll tell you that I do, and you'll believe me."

Alice liked that. But will I always love her? Does my love for her reside in my head or in my heart?

******* While the book isn't true, it is written from the vantage point of the Alzheimer victim. I wish more people going through tough times would record what its like.

I picked up a book on CD on my last trip to the library. I grabbed, "Here if you need me." - a true story about about a warden chaplain. Since I only listen to it going to and from work, I'm only a few CD's into it, but am touched with her story. Her husband dies early in the book, and she talks about coping with the grief. Like I say, I like books that deal with real issues.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Sardines

I have played sardines (also known as "hide with me") with children, but would never have thought of doing it for an FHE. It was a blast. We had about 30 come, which is really good for us. One person hides in the church. Then everybody searches for them. Whoever finds them, hides with them. When the last person has found the (then) crowd of hiders, the game begins again.

Abby was the first person to hide. Our build is old. There are multiple odd rooms, two entrances to the basement, nooks I had never explored. You are wandering around peeking into closets, under tables. Eventually, you notice that you aren't seeing the other players and realize you must be one of the last to discover the hider. Abby had hidden behind the organ she plays every Sunday. There is a little room to hold music stands and the like. When I found her, there were about ten others already there. After three seconds, I made my exit knowing my claustrophobia was not going to tolerate actually hiding with a bunch of other people in a tiny room.

Kevin was the next one to hide. I never did find him. Evidently there was an attic above Abby's hiding place. Who knew?

Jake hid off the stage, and uncovered a stash of pvc pipe that had been used for human foosball. What a find!

My favorite hiding place was Kathryn and Cassidy, who hid together. We couldn't find them anywhere. It was getting near the end of the activity so most of us sat in the RS room eating treats instead of actively searching. We wondered if they had gone home. Finally, we rallied the troops and set off again. I had been in the high counsel room each time someone had hidden. I was sure crouching under the long table would be a great hiding place. This time as I entered, Nick suggested I look behind the chair in the mothers nursing room (Like I say, this is an OLD building.) What I didn't know was that he was just trying to get me out of the high counsel room. Kathryn and Cassidy were standing in the window sill, behind the curtain. Nick had actually found them, but was unwilling to get into the window sill with them. We all had a good laugh.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

The Kitchen Frozen in Time

We built our home in 1986. In recent years, we have remodeled the kitchen – knocking out a wall, updating all the appliances to stainless steel, replacing all the cabinets, adding a double oven, a gas range, wood floors and granite countertops. I love my kitchen. My bathrooms have been updated with new toilets, showers, floors, countertops, sinks, and lighting. Last summer, we had the two, small decks dismantled and replaced them with one large trex-variety deck. I loved my home before, but I have embraced the changes. Not everybody embraces change.

The first time I saw the Allan’s home was January 1971. Steve and I were dating. I was impressed with the huge living room with needle-point chairs, a host of plants, and white carpet. Steve would laugh that the kids were not allowed to go in the biggest room of the whole house. The family room was in the half-basement. TVs were prominently utilized in the family room, kitchen, and parent’s bedroom. The parent’s bedroom was most impressive. A huge king-sized bed with large windows filled the room. While master-bathrooms are common now, at that time, the custom bathroom (with maroon sink and toilet) was an eye-catcher.

The entire house was the picture of cleanliness and organization. Junk did not accumulate anywhere. It was dusted every day and even the base molding was cleaned once a week.

While there was love and magic in each room of the house (to say nothing of the amazing yard that was filled with roses and blooming flowers the whole summer), the kitchen was fascinating. Shaped in an S, though the storage space was minimal, it included a double oven and range. While the adage, “A place for everything and everything in its place” was the motto of the entire house, it was never more true than in the kitchen. The pans (which hung in the corner cabinet) had to be carefully nested and placed in a specific location or they just wouldn’t fit. Every item in the kitchen had a precise location. The hallway laundry area doubled as a pantry (as there was absolutely no room for foodstuffs in the kitchen). The sink was always perfectly empty, dirty dishes having been thoroughly rinsed and placed in the dishwasher, ALWAYS.

I remember my first meal there. The living room table had been extended with multiple leaves and was covered with padded segments which exactly fit each underlying panel. The table was set formally, with two forks and a salad plate, even for Bob (who was only 12 at the time). The plates were warmed in the bottom oven and delivered to the table minutes before the prayer. From that tiny kitchen came incredible food. Homemade rolls with jelly, roast with chili sauce, broccoli with hollandaise sauce, potatoes with rich gravy. That divine production known as Sunday dinner has been repeated many times during my tenure as an Allan. While there was rarely a salad, there was always absolutely amazing desserts – angel pie, raspberry pie, layered angel food cake, chocolate cake (made from scratch).

Steve’s folks are ten years older than mine, but they always seemed much, much older – receding hairlines, gray hair, formal attire. How I wish I could turn back time and enjoy them in their relative youth. I didn’t know what old was.

At 95 and a half, Alda is still in her home. In physical appearance, the house layout is still the same. The last remodel took place 54 years ago (when the home was six years old). Yet, not everything is the same. The converted bedroom, turned TV room, has a lift chair to facilitate standing. The toilets have raised seats with attached grab bars. The shower has a chair to facilitate the showers Kathy lovingly provides each week. The walker and four-pronged cane betray the age of the only inhabitant – Glen having died eleven years ago.

Yet, the kitchen is exactly as I remember it forty years ago. The heavy stoneware is too difficult for her to lift, but she likes it. Her Christmas Corelleware, purchased to replace the unmanageable dishes, has been sandwiched in amongst the existing plates. The cups, hardly two alike, are a motley collection; including cheese spread glasses, misshapen insulated mugs, and glasses proclaiming a hole-in-one. One would think the bent measuring cups would warrant replacement (as measurements are certainly not accurate), but they still work and purchased replacements will not be used. The only meal she cooks each day is breakfast – and it is quite a production. How she finds the energy to prepare waffles, sausage, toast, and grapefruit every morning is as much of a miracle as the kitchen itself.

The other morning when I stopped by, her toast was precariously placed on a clam-shell like plastic bowl. I had never seen it before, so I asked what it was. She laughed and said she had placed her toast on a disposable plastic plate in the bottom oven to keep warm. It had melted, and formed to her fingers as she took it out. Rather than dirty another plate, she just used it.

Everything in the kitchen is still stored in exactly the same place as it was forty years ago. The bread drawer is virtually empty. The drawer below it has a single open bowl of sugar. The bowls she needs to make waffles are above the range, where she cannot reach them without standing on a stool. After falling multiple times in the last year, she knows to keep her feet on the ground. I asked if I could rearrange the bowls to utilize space within her reach, but she would not permit it. She started to say, “I just won’t be here that long,” but stopped herself mid-sentence. She explained, “People are in and out enough. They can get them down for me.”

She has that right. Of course, the dropping by is not out of convenience, but out of necessity. Kathy and Bob are saints, “dropping by” to bring in her newspaper, clean up from breakfast, take her to weekly hair appointments, give her showers, bring her dinner nightly, clean up from sickness, and help her to bed. If that isn’t enough, this year they have added to the “to do” list - hauling over their snow-blower to clear the driveway.

With Grandma’s abilities declining each month, friends passing away, and beloved activities abandoned, perhaps there is comfort in having a kitchen where nothing changes.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Managing Failure

The Computer Science Department has been going through tough times. Of the last 15 people we have hired, 12 left before getting tenure. Some were denied tenure. Some left for greener pastures. Some could see the writing on the wall. Of the three that did get tenure, two required fighting it at the university level (rather than having it be a solid vote for tenure at the central committee level).

Two of our assistant professors would have gone up for tenure next year. They were married to each other. One left in August for another position in Texas. She said, "I don't think I ever would have gotten tenure at USU". I think she would have as she was terrific, but still her perception was that she wouldn't. She got a $27K increase in salary at her new university. She left behind her husband and two year old son.

Her husband informed us he was also jumping ship four days before classes started this Spring semester. He was scheduled to teach. We had just had his tenure evaluation meetings and written the letters. By the time he informed anyone he was leaving, he had cleared out his office. He left without explanation and without a forwarding address. Evidently he took an industrial position closer to his family.

Another one of our assistant professors goes up for tenure this year. I just learned that the dean turned him down for tenure because of insufficient funding. This guy is AMAZING. He has an incredible publication record, he is a beloved teacher, he is great on committees. He is the perfect colleague. His funding isn't abysmal - it just isn't at the level the dean requires. (As you may recall, we were forced to change colleges, so this is a new dean for us.)

It is so discouraging. This dean expects MIT grant acquisition, without providing MIT salaries, MIT caliber students, MIT connections, or MIT resources.

I got the following note from this colleague:

Just wanted to say thanks for all your support. I always think about writing a book about our jobs in academia, the title would be "Managing Failure". It would be all about how the constant barrage of negativity from grant reviewers, paper reviewers, admin, students, and colleagues can be turned into something positive. So I very much appreciate hearing some kind thoughts, though you are ruining my book :-)

This makes me so sad. I feel badly for my colleague, but it is terrible for the department.

Monday, December 31, 2012

Keeping up appearances

When Zach was asked to guess the ages of his grandparents, he came up with:
Grandma Cheryl: 99
Grandpa Dick: 86
Grandpa Allan: 99
Grandma Allan: 26
I would elaborate on my secrets of youth, but I need to go dye my hair. :-)

Sunday, December 9, 2012

I know what you are doing...

I took Ari to Primary with me today, as I had to teach. As I saw my little neighborhood gal in the hallway, she said, "I know what you are doing! You are having a live nativity scene." I told her that would have been a great idea. So cute.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Ari


There is nothing like tending a baby to make you see life through new eyes.

She is a mover! She can find any electrical cord in the room.

In the tub, laying on her back she will twist to the side so she can drink the bathwater. I've explained that this is not a good thing to do, but she just ignores me.

The cutest trick, however, happened yesterday. Steve had been gone for the morning taking his Mom to her hair appointment and grocery shopping. When he got home, I gave Ari to him. I reached for her, and she leaned to come to me - like she wanted me to take her. To see if this is really what she was saying, we had Steve offer to take her. She turned from him and snuggled into me. So cute! I guess that will teach Steve to leave for a whole morning.


I loved Steve's face as he is feeding Ari.





She is fast. Nothing escapes her. She was to that remote like a pro.




When she found herself in the mirror, she was so excited.



Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Made my day...

When we got home from our walk, we were greeted with such a creative gift from one of my primary children (and his amazing family). So thoughtful. It just made my day!

OCD

I must admit, I'm a little OCD when it comes to wasting food. I think it is a familial disorder which I attribute to parents impacted by the great depression.

When people deliver food to my house, I feel compelled to eat every bit - both to honor the gift and to avoid waste. I make cookies to use eggs that are getting old, scour my cookbook for a way to use dated sour cream, make banana bread when the bananas are fit for nothing else, and am thrilled that I found a way to use ice cream that is past its prime.

For the last several years, I've found a new way to avoid waste without it going to my waist. I leave it in the student break room in the department. Of course, I have made scotcheroos or taken chocolate milk mix for the express purpose of sharing, but usually I take food I just can't consume. Garden produce is loved, but they will eat anything. I've left ramen noodles that were nearing expiration, excess cereal that had been opened, cookies that were leftover from FHE, and even half-bottles of pop. While you can hardly take a half bottle of pop to your neighbors, when you leave it in the break room, everybody just assumes that someone else had the first glass - which of course, they did. It just wasn't the same day. Yesterday, I took a half bottle of coke, added a full bottle of Sunkist, threw it in a bowl of ice, and graced it with a stash of plastic cups. That afternoon, there was a party as a bunch of students sat around drinking pop and visiting.

My "treats" are left before students arrive - both because I get there early and because I don't want to advertise the fact that they are just getting left-overs. Thus, it isn't clear who is bringing stuff.

A few weeks ago a fellow knocked on my door asking if I was the one who brought the hot chocolate mix. He wanted to let me know how much he appreciated it. Another day, someone posted a note in the break room "Thanks Dr. Allan".

Pretty nice when you can be thanked just for being OCD.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Grandma must be smiling

This weekend, we made the trek to Boise for chocolate dipping. For Kimberly's new family, it was a first. Lori has never dipped for herself (being as she is allergic to chocolate), so it was a first for her too. From the evidence of missing chocolates, Kim's kids appreciated the tradition.

Michelle, Trisha, and Greg are planning to dip this weekend.

Grandma would be so proud. It was always so important for her to pass down the skills. Since chocolate dipping always hit at the cross section of the term winding down and holiday events picking up, it was hard to find the time to make it happen. I would start to get phone calls. "Smiths is having a sale on peanuts." "There is a coupon in the paper for the good kind of sweetened condensed milk." "Do you want me to order your chocolate with mine?" I was slow, but I got the hint. How proud she must be that so many of her offspring keep the tradition alive.

As we got home from Boise, Greg cooked a gourmet dinner for us: grilled pork chops with blackberry sauce, baked asparagus, baked sweet potatoes fries. Yum! He must have inherited some of Grandma's love of recipes and cooking.

Smile away, Mom.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

It takes a village...

When Kim’s hematocrit dropped after 12 years of being stable, the National Institute of Health wanted to see her again. She had been to see them as part of the ALPS study in September of 2010, but because she was basically symptomless, the visit was routine. Kim has been having a lot of muscle pain (in back and shooting "fireworks" kinds of migratory burning) for the past two years, but nothing that the NIH thought was ALPS. With the drop in hematocrit, everything changed.

On Monday, August 8th, Kim sent a text saying that because I was her Mom she thought I would want to know that she was headed to the NIH. After a quick phone call, I started making my reservations to go with her. I had never been, and I hated to see her make the trip alone – especially since she was in so much pain and had absolutely no energy. Her appointment was on Thursday/Friday, but the schedule was loose. They wanted to do blood work , have an echo exam, and a bone marrow biopsy. The wrap up meeting was scheduled for 12:30 on Friday. Because flying to the East coast takes most of the day, I planned for an early flight on Wednesday. My only constraint was that I needed to be back in town by Saturday so I could tend Ari, while Trisha and family went to the lake. I scheduled the last flight out of Washington Dulles – leaving at 5:55pm. There was only a forty minute layover in Chicago, but I figured Southwest would make sure I wasn’t left behind. Besides, I had few choices, if I wanted to be there for all of her appointments. It seemed silly to go that far and miss the summary.

My flight on Wednesday left at 6 a.m. I drove to Chelle’s the night before so I wouldn’t have to get up so early. Getting to Bethesda went smoothly, including finding the NIH shuttle to take me to campus.

It was so great to be there with Kim for two days. We talked non-stop, and literally ran from appointment to appointment. During our time at NIH, Kim met with physical therapists, rheumatologists, and the ALPS doctors/researchers. She had an MRI of her pelvis and lower back, a bone marrow biopsy, and lots of blood work. The research nurse talked to us about ALPS and risks associated with it. Kim met with teams of doctors who explained exercises, medications, and types of doctors to consult in Boise. It was indeed ALPS. T-cells were in her bone marrow. A new medication was proposed.

The final wrap up meeting slid until 3:15, but I needed to catch my shuttle (provided by NIH) back to the airport to make my 5:55 flight. About 3, I got a text from Southwest saying my flight was delayed a half hour. My first reaction was, “Oh, that will be nice as I won’t have to rush so much to get to the airport.” Then it hit me. I only had a 40 minute layover in Chicago. Leaving thirty minutes late meant there was no chance of making the flight.

While I was waiting for the 3:30 shuttle, I called Kim to tell her my flight woes. She said, “I should call Southwest.” I said I would see if I could get a number at the shuttle desk, but there was nobody there who knew a thing. I woman who was also waiting for the shuttle said, “The number is 1-800- I FLY SWA”. Then she added, do you know what numbers those are? On a cell phone, there is no number associated with a letter, so I was clueless. She looked it up for me on her computer and told me the translation. I called and the agent told me there was no other flight that night, so if I missed my connection, I would be in Chicago for the night. He hesitated and then said, “Can you get to BWI?” I said, “BWI, I don’t know. What is BWI?” He replied, “Baltimore Washington International.” I said, “I’m waiting for a shuttle to Dulles that should come any minute. I don’t know how to get to BWI.” A woman in the room interrupted me with, “There is a shuttle coming for BWI to this very spot. It should be here any minute.” I told the guy I could get to BWI. He said, “Great, I’ll put you on a 5:15 flight that IS on time.” I said, “I’ve already printed boarding passes. What do I do?” He said, “When you get to BWI, you’ll have to get a new boarding pass.”

Whew! However, by now it was 3:40 and I had no idea how far away BWI was. The shuttle driver was cowering in the corner saying traffic was HORRIBLE. He had left BWI at 1:30 and was just now getting to the NIH two hours later! It was normally a one hour drive, but on Friday, rush hour had begun. I said, “Rush hour at 1:30, how is that?” He said, “It happens every Friday. It’s just crazy.” I called southwest back who told me I had no other options, and wished me luck.

All the way to the airport, I kept thinking, “I so am not going to make it. My flight leaves in an hour and a half and I don’t even have a boarding pass.” I got to the airport just before 5. The first thing I heard was an announcement saying, flight 709 was boarding. ARGGG. I figured I’d talk to the ticket agent and see if they would put me on a flight with another carrier. I had promised Trisha weeks ago that I could take Ari, and spending the night in Baltimore hardly seemed appealing. The southwest agent greeted me and said I needed to print a boarding pass at the kiosk. As I got it printed, she watched me. As I finished, she approached and told me I needed to go thru security in the basement as it was faster. I ran down the stairs, only to find the line moving like molasses. I waited my turn. When I got to the agent at the front of the line, I said, “I realize I’m not going to make my flight”. He said, “Okay, well, this is how the gates are laid out. You have to go up some stairs then back down. Gate 1 is on the left.” I flew down the corridors dragging my laptop, carryon luggage, and a backpack. I got to the gate before the plane left, but the door was shut. The lines for the ticket agent were forty people long. I saw one woman at the front of the line say something to the agent and run for my gate. I followed her. Another fellow followed me. The door to the gate was still closed and no one was around, but miraculously, as we got there someone did come through the door.

The woman said, “ I love you guys. I’ll always flight Southwest because you take care of me.” He said, “Don’t get ahead of yourself. We are all ready to leave. I may be able to help. “ She handed him her boarding pass. He said, “Sorry, this isn’t an official boarding pass. This is just a travel document. You’ll have to go upstairs and get a boarding pass. You’ll never make it. We are leaving NOW.” I handed him my boarding pass, and he sent me running down the jetway. The fellow behind me didn’t have a real boarding pass either. I was the only one of the three who made the flight.

I could not believe it. I made it. I looked back on all the helpful people who had made it possible. It truly takes a village sometimes. Thanks to you all!

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Five new grandkids in one week!

It was quite an eventful week. Ari was born on May 26th.

Kim was married June 2nd.

Thanks for all the family support. It was great to see so many of you.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Wacky Wednesday

I brought a few new books for the kids when Steve and I went to spend time helping out after Ari's birth. The Berenstein's Bear book was pretty lame, but Halle and Zach both really liked "Wacky Wednesday" and "Have You Seen My Dinosaur?"

We planned to take pictures and make them wacky, but this is as far as we got. Given my photoshop skills, we may get no further.

Playing Princesses

One of Halle's favorite things to do is to play princesses.

As you can see, she has Barbie-sized and miniature versions of the same dolls. Here is a bit of our play time:

Halle: I'm on a motor cycle. Do you want to ride it?

Ariel's up here. Come on. Eric get down.

Me: How do you jump up there? Halle: Be careful

Me: How do I get down now?

Halle: I'm falling. Ariels' waiting for Eric. Let's walk to the ocean.

Here's a glass. It doesn't break. Do you want more? That one's dirty. You need a new one. This is Kool-Aid. Let me poor. You want another cup? We both have Kool-Aid. I spilled it on you. You like water better. Hand me the cup. I need to put in back on. You haven't drinked it up.

Me and Eric are going to go here. Look out the window. Be these dolls.

Me: Let's go on a lovely walk to the garden.

Halle: Not without us. Hold my hand. Open the doors, Rapunzel. Tiana and Belle are here. I want to come in. I've been waiting. Open the doors, Rapunzel. Now! Is everyone in?

These are fancy shoes. Woo. I like them. They play Ring around the Rosies. We need another doll (to play Ring Around the Rosies).

Sit down. I'm the teacher. [She gathers all the dolls and lines them up for her class.] We need all the princesses. Come on. Ok. Ok. Ok. Everyone clap your hands like this. Fly like me. Belle, come here. Everyone listen. We have a dance. Dance with me.

I can't find the beast. Where is Grandpa?

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Old People in Church

Ali spoke in church today. It was senior day - for high school seniors to visit the ward for the first time. She gave her top ten reasons for coming to a YSA ward:

10: Church always starts 5-10 minutes late

9: Sacrament meeting is so quiet you can hear the cups drop - and an occasional cell phone.

8: Any activity you go to has lots of treats.

7: You don't have to sit by old people who snore in church, unless you are sitting by Brother Allan.

It was pretty cute. Since it is Steve's 63rd birthday today, it is particularly appropriate.

Come Back

Shandy spoke today as part of the RS presidency in the YSA ward. When she was called to the presidency, one of the major focuses was to rescue the less active. She said, "When I first came to school, I left the church for a year and a half. Visiting teachers and ward members never gave up on me. Finally, I came back because I knew they cared about me." Then she told the following story:

When I lived in Provo, I taught kindergarten. Derrek was a repeat kindergarten student. He didn't have many friends and didn't feel comfortable in class. One day he was trying to cut out the sun for a picture. He kept cutting off the rays, so I told him I would cut it out for him. I had him get a cup of water to clean up the paint brushes between colors. As he got back to the desk, he spilled the water all over. As I was cleaning it up, I had him get a cup of paint. Instead of a small cup of paint, he brought over the gallon container. He tripped and spilled yellow paint all over himself and the carpet. He was devastated and ran from the classroom. I didn't know what to do. My classroom is a mess and one of my students has left. I felt I should call the office, but something told me just to find Derrek. I thought, "No, I cannot leave the class unattended, I need to get help." Again, I felt I should just go find Derrek. I lined the kids up against the window and said, "Watch for me, I'll be coming back. I'm going to find Derrek. He is missing."

I left and started looking for him. It really wasn't so hard, as he left a trail of yellow paint. I found him sitting behind the dumpster crying. He thought I would be mad at him because he kept messing up. I told him that I was not mad and wanted him to come back. He stood up and gave me a big hug - so now both of us are covered in yellow paint. As we walked back to the classroom, the kids saw us and started screaming, "You found him. You found him." They ran from the classroom and surrounded Derrek. When they saw he was crying, they all started crying. It was so tender.

I kept hoping no one would drive by and wonder why we were all outside in tears covered with paint.

She continues, "That touched my heart so much. There are always those who are waiting for us to come back. There are those who will share in our joys and our sorrows."

It was a sweet message.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

What a difference time makes

We had a birthday party at Miskins yesterday for the twins. After dinner, we were playing outside. Chelle and Halle were playing "hide the duck". Chelle was counting and Halle hid the duck in the middle of the front yard, in full view. I decided it needed to be hidden better, so I sat on it. Halle was so distressed and insisted that I move off of the duck. Chelle informed me that they always hid the duck in plain view. The next time it was Halle's turn to hide, she put the duck over in the neighbor's yard and sat on it, proud as can be. What a character.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

What are the chances

There is a gal in our YSA ward who was formerly a member of our home ward. Jade would always come sit by me, until she got engaged to a member of the ward in November. For the past few months, neither she nor her fiance have been coming to church. Her parents are completely opposed to the marriage. The wedding was scheduled and cancelled twice, once after invitations were addressed. Her mother comes to RS (in the home ward) and cries through most lessons. It has been a very difficult time for both of them.

On Tuesday, Steve was supposed to go to the church to interview Ali for a temple recommend for baptisms for the dead. Since he shouldn't be in the church with a member of the opposite sex without someone else there, he asked me to tag along. Little did we know that the bishop would be there for an interview with Jade's boyfriend. Jade was with him, but the interview was not with her. What are the chances that Jade and I would both end up at the church with nothing to do but visit with each other? I somehow think that was supposed to happen.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Brooke

First thing in the morning Brooke crawls in our bed to read Wacky Wednesday. Minutes later Drew joins us. After a while, preparations for school begin.

Brooke:  Why are you still in your nightgown?

Me:  I'm drying my hair.

Brooke: Give me that.  I'll dry your hair. [She dries my hair for a while.  She leaves and comes back with toothpaste.]

Me:  Why do you have toothpaste in my bedroom?

Brooke: Grandpa's in the bathroom.  I had to sneak in and get it.  Grandpa's harrier that you are.

Me: Really? Where?

Brooke: Everywhere.  When you finish drying your hair, you need to do it. [I start reading my email on my ipad.  Brooke decides to help by clicking on the next email for me.  I've never read email so fast!]

Me: Brooke, you need to leave so I can get dressed.

Brooke: Just give me that (the ipad) and i won't even look up to see you.

Me: you can take it in the other room while I get dressed.  (She almost fell getting off the bed.). Oh, don't hurt yourself.

Brooke: I meant to do that.

[I could hear her in the hallway laughing and saying,   "I took a picture." Actually she took lots of them. Don't be alarmed. The deformed one is just "mirror" mode.]

Drew

Today was the day for the bubble machine. The adults were supposed to be weeding while Drew played, but I never seemed to make it weeding. Drew and I played. I took notes on our conversation. When he asked what I was writing, I told him I was doing my homework.

Drew: Grandma, come on. Pop them fast, not slow - like this. Look, look, look. How many bubbles are there? There are 2000 bubbles. Let's take a break. Oh, no. More bubbles in the grass. Off the grass, you bubbles. Two thousand bubbles are coming out. Pop them. [Running, dancing, flailing his arms, and jumping.]

Now I'm going to stop the bubbles. [Singing as he runs around.] More bubbles.

I'll do my pose [reminiscent of dancing with stars].

Me: Oh, my camera needs to be plugged in. It says low battery.

Drew: Go plug it in. Then you can come and just watch me. Grandma, come over here. I'm going to do the pose at the very beginning. Hurry, Grandma. Come watch.

Me: Do you think maybe I should help weed a bit?

Drew: No. Can we go somewhere else? Up here [in the jungle gym]. We have to go. Bubbles will be up here. This is the bubble castle. You will be the queen. I will be the princess. I will sleep up high. You will sleep below. Come on - in the bubble kingdom. Come on. Hurry. This is the bubble kingdom.

Moms and Dads watch movies before they go to sleep. You should watch a movie. When you weren't looking, the princess slides down the slide.

Grandma move. Look behind you. Actually, I sleep in the twisty slide. I won't go all the way down. Now, I'm awake. I already ate breakfast. When you were doing your homework, I slipped down. My shoes are too slippery. Ouch, that hurts.

Me: I'm watching a movie.

Drew: So its bedtime? I sleep in the twisty slide remember?

Drew: Let's play something else. Grandma, can we play hide and seek? I take all the turns of hiding and you take all the turns of counting. Go find me. Search everywhere.

Me: [after counting to ten, but not moving from my spot] Is he in the apple trees? Is he in the garden?

Drew: Are you up in the castle? You have to come down. You have to search everywhere, not just in the castle.

Drew: Here I am. I was hiding in there. Now I hide, you count. You'll get a turn after I hide.

Me: Found you.

Drew: My turn. You count.

Me: [after counting to ten] I bet he's under the slide.

Drew: I'm not.

Me: I bet he's in the castle.

Drew: I'm not. I'm here. Over here. Still my turn. You count again.

Me: [I keep counting past ten.]

Drew: Say "Ready or not, here I come."

Me: Ready or not, you will be caught.

Drew: No, ready or not, here I come.

Me: Ready or not, you will be caught.

Drew: Okay, Catch me.

Me: I can't find you.

Drew: I'm in the twisty slide.

Me: No, I don't think you are.

Drew: [Squeals] I am.

Drew: Put down your homework. Let's play tag. You are first. [We play tag until we are breathless.]

Drew: Let's play monkey. We have to climb. Put down your homework. You have to help me cross the monkey bars. [I do]

Me: Who is going to help me?

Drew: No one.

Such a darling boy. So full of life and energy.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Remembering Mom

This was a gift from my Mom to Steve. “Old teachers never die. They just lose their class.” The handmade gift hung in his office until he retired from USU in 2012. It represents her thoughtfulness and her gift giving talent. No one loved to give gifts more than Mom. Christmas was her favorite holiday. She never tired of it. She bought gifts months ahead and continued the shopping until the night before. In her old age when lung disease and lack of stamina made navigating the aisles challenging, she acquired unique gifts from QVC and catalogs which came to the home by the armful. Growing up in Birdseye Utah, she was accustomed to getting treasures via mail order and she used that eye for quality (and ever willing credit card) to select gifts from her recliner. She charged so much, she had her Visa number memorized.

When the neighborhood kids came to play, she would send them home with an unusual container, a new pencil, or a plate of cookies. It was hard for anyone to leave her home without having something placed in their arms. In the summer, it was garden produce. After Sunday dinner, it was a plate of leftovers. At Christmas it was her homemade chocolates. If she found a unique kitchen gadget, she would buy it for you. Often, she’d call to have us drop by after work to pick up a pie (or caramel corn or cinnamon rolls) she had made for us.

After she and Dad became empty nesters, their basement apartment became a gift to grandkids or married children while students at USU - a scholarship in kind. For years running, that apartment was home to some lucky relative who enjoyed her ready laugh, her enthusiasm for life, and her love of cooking for others.

Her generosity extended to faceless others as attested by the stack of donation requests she still gets in the mail, though she has been dead four years. Her selfless legacy continues as a gift to all of us.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Answers to prayers...

I remember when we were in Iowa, the whole stake presidency came from our little Ames Ward. The whole stake Relief Society came from our ward too. I guess it saved on travel as the wards were spread out - but we had a VERY strong ward as well. One day a member of the stake presidency was talking about getting answers to prayers. He said, "It's funny. When I want answers to prayers for personal things, I may have to wait for months or even years, but when I need answers for the stake, the answers come almost immediately."

I was reminded of his message this week. On Tuesday, we went to the YSA RS/Elders quorum activity - Texas Two-Step. I am so not a dancer, but it was fun anyway. As we were visiting afterwards, one of the members seemed particularly excited with the doughnuts and milk. He mentioned to Steve that he had been eating Ramen Noodles and Macaroni and Cheese for the past two weeks. Between needing extra money for gasoline and needing to pay deposits for a new apartment, he was completely out of money. Steve said, "We have got so much food. Come on over after the activity and shop in our basement." He did come over and took a large box of food storage items and another large box of frozen food. I can't help but think that even when we can't always get the answers we seek, we can still be an answer to someone else's prayer.

I had a similar experience on Thursday night. By the time Steve left for his YSA meeting at the bishop's house, I was in my jammies happily reading my book in bed. I had been reading for a few minutes when the thought hit me, "Your cell phone is in the other room and you have no landline. If someone wanted to get hold of you, they couldn't." I obediently went into the other room to grab my cell phone. Not five minutes later, Steve called. He couldn't find Tony's house. He had looked in the phone directory, but he picked the wrong Tony Smith and was led astray. Part of his cognitive issues manifest themselves with navigation. I talked him to his destination.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Anne with an E

Our stake put on the musical version of Anne of Green Gables. SO DARLING!!!! They did such an amazing job. Several from our YSA ward were in it, so that made it doubly fun.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Two roads...

Steve's retirement reception is tomorrow afternoon. We cleaned out his office this afternoon. [UGGG! The dust was the stuff nightmares are made of!] He still has a defense on Wednesday and grades to post, but it is definitely feeling like the end. In all rational aspects, the decision is a good one, but it still feels bitter sweet.

Twenty six years ago we made the decision to come to USU, rather than Arizona State or University of Nebraska at Lincoln. That single choice has affected so many other facets of our lives. It is interesting in that famous poem, it only says that "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." It doesn't really say that the difference was a good difference. Hopefully, we each have the ability to make a positive difference in all our choices.

I love this thought. Robert Fulghum – "The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be."

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Faith

In church today, Mack Earley spoke and used an object lesson I really liked. He said on his mission, his companion would always hold a Book of Mormon in one hand and say to the investigators, "I want you to move the Book of Mormon to my other hand using just your faith." They would look at him like he was crazy, saying, "I can't do that." Then he would turn to his companion and say, "Elder Earley, would you move the Book of Mormon from one hand to the other using just your faith." Elder Earley would grab the book and lift it to the other hand. The message? Faith isn't just hoping; it is a principle of action. I loved it!

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Retirement

After 26 years at USU, Steve is retiring. Steve taught students to become the best than was in them. He taught them

· to work hard. He often gets notes from alums saying that Compilers was the best class they ever took. When one student complained, "I am working so much on my compiler, my wife hasn't seen me in days", Steve quipped, "Yes, I know. She called to thank me."

· to think before you speak. He would challenge student assumptions by asking them to "bet a malt" on the answer. Steve almost always won.

· social etiquette. If a cell phone went off in class, the owner was expected to bring doughnuts for the class.

· humility. His cell phone was usually the first one to go off in a semester.

· stay alert. If anyone fell asleep in class, Steve led the group in making fun of them.

· relationships are the most important thing. Steve always had time for people, be it students, janitors, peers, or office staff.

· the joy of laughter. Steve loved a good joke – from his office filled with crunched up paper, to the screen saver than looked like Windows but wouldn't respond. While still in Colorado, he went to the department head to admit he had gotten one of his students pregnant. After several uncomfortable minutes, Steve said the student was his wife.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

If I could do that...

For the last week, my back has been killing me. I have no idea what I did to it. I move like an old lady. Walking up stairs is a killer. Even rolling over in bed is a MAJOR accomplishment. After a week, the secretaries convinced me to see a doctor. Dr Stones said it was likely just a strain. If something was seriously wrong, it would still be wrong in a week, and we could detect it then. In the interim, he gave me muscle relaxor, over the counter pain medication (Aleve), and (if desperate) a prescription for Lortab. He also gave me back exercises.

The diagram below shows two of the three exercises I am to do. The first actually feels good, but if I could do the second one, I wouldn't have gone to see him in the first place. Absolutely impossible.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Gratitude

Have you ever noticed that you don't realize how good something is until it's gone?

A few weeks we played toilet paper dodge ball for FHE. We wanted to play regular dodge ball, but didn't have any balls that wouldn't maim. We taped the toilet paper so it wouldn't get everywhere. It was a fun time and the youth seemed to appreciate the novelty. The only bad thing was that we were left with a dozen double rolls of smashed toilet paper. I tried to give it to the young single adults, but they weren't tempted. I realize a normal person would have tossed them, but I am very much my father's daughter. I spent my growing up years hearing about the virtues of frugality. I couldn't risk the condemnation of just tossing "mostly" good toilet paper. Using what you have been given is a part of appreciation. When I throw something away, I think, "Isn't there somebody who could use this?" or "Why did you buy this if you didn't intent to use it? How spoiled are you." I considered donating it to Brandon and Kram for their camping trips with the Scouts, but figured they might consider me less stable than they do already.

After hoping the toilet paper would disappear on its own, I finally decided we should just use it in the privacy of our master bath where no one else has to see it. I have to tell you it has taught me something. I had never thought to appreciate how slick a normal roll of toilet paper is. You pull on it and the toilet paper rolls off with ease. In a mashed roll, that doesn't happen. Just thought I'd pass that on.

If anybody wants to experience gratitude for the little things, I have eleven more rolls to contribute.

A new research project

Facebook is a mystery to me. Every day, I think of interesting things to study about Facebook and its patrons. If I were starting over in my career, I think I would study the social dynamics of Facebook. Being as I work with data as a profession, the data gathering and association is so very interesting to me.

There are some things I love about Facebook. I can see cute videos and pictures of extended family, that I would never see otherwise. It allows me to have something to say to someone I haven't seen in ages. It allows me to have "conversations" I never could have otherwise. It encourages people to take more pictures so they can share them. It is easy to find people you've lost touch with and keep current with changing email addresses. I have learned a ton from facebook including what mop to buy and what movies to go see. I can get in touch with people who don't answer email, pick up their phone, or respond to texts, but DO respond to being messaged.

However, I have some probing research questions:

1. Are people who have more facebook friends more popular in real life?
2. Who knows 1061 people to be facebook friends with? Would they recognize them if they saw them?
3. Why does a 14 year old want to be friends with their 60 year old neighbor? Is it just to raise their friend count? Does it matter WHO your friends are or just that you have a lot?
4. What can you possibly say to 1061 friends that they will all be interested in?
5. When you post pictures of your scantily clad self going out on Friday night, are you envisioning that among your 1061 friends seeing your post is the bishopric member's wife who so wants to believe your Sunday self is the real you?
6. Why do people who are engaged tell each other how much they love the other by posting on each others walls? Do their 1060 other friends want to read that? Would that be considered newsworthy?
7. Are some people feeling like the biggest losers of all because of facebook, as everybody else seems to be doing fun things and exchanging chatty messages with all of their friends? Why do people carry out private conversations in public? Don't they worry about privacy issues at all? What kinds of information about people can be put together from the information in their posts, comments on their posts, and tagging from other people's posts?
8. Why do people use language that should be confined to X-rated movies in their posts? Don't they realize their friend's mother reads the posts?
9. Why do people post a thought without any context, so you have no idea what they are talking about? For example, one of my "Facebook friends" changed her status from "married" to "single". She lives in another state, and I haven't seen her in years. She used to be one of my Laurels. The only comment was that somebody "liked" it. I'm going, "So why doesn't someone like that change? Is it just that she is keeping profile information confidential? Is she divorced? I so don't get it." Now, a day later, when the other comments are logged, it is clear she is getting divorced. This is the third time I've found out someone was getting divorced because of their facebook status change.
It appears to be part of the culture to give a hint as to what is happening and hope others will ask for more information.

Other examples where I am left asking for 'the rest of the story':
It feels like a Monday.
I can get down the stairs. Life will return to normal.
I am in a relationship.
Things are changing

10. Does a person get a thrill out of having 17 people "like" their pictures or comment on their status?
11. What kinds of personality data can be pulled from Facebook use? Are people who are shy in real life totally different on Facebook? Is it considered a socially acceptable way to say, "Hey, I'm here. Notice me."?
12. Are there any secrets anymore? Is there any news? I can't tell you how many times someone has already heard something on Facebook that I thought was "news".
13. How many hours a day are people spending on Facebook? What could be accomplished if it were silenced?


I'm sure you're thinking I better keep my day job, as I seriously have no clue about Facebook. I guess you're right!

Friday, March 30, 2012

Social Welfare Functions

A few weeks ago there was an odd situation that I became aware of in the Ward. The Relief Society was asked to take in meals and provide transportation, while the ward helped with financial support to a non-member family in our neighborhood. Such areas of welfare are outside of my responsibility, but it just seemed odd to me. I found myself asking our Relief Society President, "Are you okay with this? I have my concerns, but I want to support you." She assured me that, while trying to make sure we weren't creating an expectation we couldn't satisfy, she was okay with the current level of support. I have been completely satisfied with her response and have not considered the matter further.

Just recently, something happened at work that brought this welfare example to mind.

I have been on a committee to make a decision. There is not possibility of satisfying everybody, but we were careful in our decisions, took input from the entire faculty, and even tried to explain to dissenters why the compromise was necessary. I took the responsibility of talking to person A, as I thought I had a good relationship with them. I was not able to persuade person A to the committee decision. Person A said, "Well, I thought we usually agreed on everything, but I guess this is a case where we'll have to agree to disagree." I was fine with that. The decision is a difficult one. It is impossible to make everybody happy. HOWEVER, then person A went to person B to air the complaints. Person B then went ballistic – saying all kinds of inflammatory things through email. The upshot is that person B went to the higher ups to proclaim that the decision was inappropriate – making our department look even more dysfunctional than it is already perceived.

How I wish they would have come to the committee and said, "Are you okay with this? I have my concerns, but I want to support you."

It makes me think that maybe I have gotten a little smarter over the years. Part of humility is to value the opinion of others. Getting the result you want absolutely isn't worth destroying relationships. While decisions come and decisions go, when you destroy relationships, you destroy your world.

We just finished talking about making joint decisions in my multi-agent systems course. The first part of the course is in making competitive decisions, but recently we are talking about cooperative decision-making. There are many methods for taking preferences of individual members and coming up with a group ranking. We term them social welfare functions. The methods need to protect against manipulation, but the idea is that the method genuinely tries to combine the wisdom of all participants. My take away is that we need to value the opinion of others enough that WE genuinely want the group decision to prevail.

Octopus

One of the sisters in our ward makes Octopuses from yarn. For our RS birthday party, she made a hundred of them in various colors to give to the sisters. The idea is that every day you are to touch each of the legs while you think of eight different blessings.

When I heard she was doing that (at her own suggestion), I had a hard time figuring out why someone would make one, let alone 100. (I know. I am so not-crafty.)

However, when I opened my purse this morning and saw that octopus, tears sprang to my eyes. I so needed to be reminded of my many blessings. I'm thinking that octopus may become one of my prized possessions.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Black Day

Trisha and the kids came for the weekend while Brandon had a basketball weekend in Arizona. On Saturday morning, Halle came into my room and said, "You are wearing blue. It is black day."

I invited her to find something appropriate in my closet. She dug through my closet and returned with several options.

I miss the days when my kids would coach me on what to wear, "Mom, you aren't leaving the house in THAT are you?" Without proper coaching, I tend to leave the house on black day wearing blue!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

So cute

Before I was called to the Relief Society Presidency nearly four years ago, I had been teaching CTR 5's. It was a change of class for me as of the first of the year, so I had only had the calling for three months. I LOVED that calling and those kids, but that was four years ago. I hardly expect a five year old to remember me for four years.

Last night, I got a facebook friend request from one of my former CTR 5's. How cute is that?

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Getting Old

I'm reading the book The Distant Hours. I haven't decided if I like it or not, but I found one section pretty funny. The main characters agreed that "there was nothing so unseemly as an old person who refused to acknowledge his or her limitations, and they'd made a pact never to let it happen to them. When they were old, they swore they would jolly well act the part." They decided to make a list of habits of old people so they would know when they had become old. Here is their list:
1. professing a strong and repeated preference for England when Queen Victoria was on the throne
2. mentioning one's health in any company other than that which included a medical professional
3. failure to put on one's undergarments whilst standing.

I had to laugh as we had just been out with older friends where topics they brought up included
1. medical issues
2. staying in pajamas all day, because it was easier
3. playing solitaire repeatedly all day long.
4. the follies of the younger generation

As I wrap my mind around Steve retiring next month, getting old is definitely on my mind.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Perspective

The last week has been consumed with department head interviews. I've been on DH search committees before, but his assignment has been so demanding. We had two candidates come this week. For each candidate, we met with them as a committee for breakfast, interviewed them as a committee for an hour, took them to dinner, attended their seminar, and took them on a tour of the valley. That is TOO MUCH TIME! I can't figure out why we need to spend so much time with them. I suggested alternatives, but I guess that is what they do in Engineering. The head of the search committee is spending even more time. In addition to what the rest of us are doing, he is also walking him between meetings. He brings his laptop and waits outside of one meeting to take him to the next.

The thing that I find most interesting is the various reactions to the candidates. One talks too much. Another uses too many filler words. One takes too long to form an answer. Someone takes offense at a comment that is made. Someone hates a candidate one day, but likes them the next. Someone hears something in a seminar that I totally took a different way. I guess it is all in your perspective. I'm beginning to think that it is impossible to please this many people. When you are hiring a peer, it is difficult, but hiring your boss is proving to be an overly constrained problem.