On Thursdays, Grandma has a regular hair appointment. I can almost never take her. This semester is an absolute nightmare. I have meetings virtually every Thursday. Kathy has been spending a lot of time in Boise, as Lauren has had some health issues. Steve has stopped driving. Knowing last week's hair appointment posed a problem, Kathy and I suggested that home health care wash her hair on Wednesday and her cleaning gal put a few curls in it with the curling iron. Evidently, that was unacceptable as Grandma asked her visiting teachers to take her to her hair appointment.
This week we had the added issue of a dentist appointment.
A great granddaughter, Taylor, and her boyfriend were to be chauffeurs. Taylor doesn't have a car. She and her boyfriend took the bus to Grandmas, getting there an hour early (as with buses, you don't have much choice). They took her to her dentist appointment (driving Grandma's car) and waited for her to be done. Then, they drove her home. After that, they had to take the bus back to their apartment.
I said to Grandma, "WOW. That took hours. You should pay them." Her response was, "Oh, they weren't doing anything." I was in shock. She wants to remain in her home so desperately that she won't allow herself to see all the effort that it takes to keep her there. Someone comes by every morning to bring in her newspaper (as it is too dangerous for her to go out to get it). Someone shovels her walks multiple times a week. Someone comes everyday to help her get dressed. Someone brings in meals virtually every day. Home health care comes five days a week. A cleaning gal comes each week. She gets multiple calls a day.
I think we may have reached a turning point this week, however. She fell again on Friday. With two artificial knees, if she falls, she must have help to get up. She was sick with gastrointestinal issues, requiring multiple cleanups of the carpeting. Luckily, Bob and Kathy were available and willing (as much as anyone is willing for such cleanup) to come to her aid. There reaches a point where an almost 96 year old woman just needs full time access to care. Too bad we don't have any magic slippers to return to a happier time.
1 comment:
Your post makes me so sad. It is such a hard thing, to give up independence. Perhaps she is afraid that if she did move into a home, she would get less attention by far. Unfortunately, she is probably right, since it wouldn't be a life or death matter if someone didn't call her multiple times a day. I hope the family can come to resolution and make a decision that you can all live with. It is so hard for all of you that live locally, and it must be hard to feel so unhelpful if you live elsewhere.
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