A friend in the ward in dying. She's a bit older than I, but not old enough to be passing on. She has been dying for two years, but now the time seems close. She can't eat much. Visits tire her out. In trying to think of what to do for her, our inspired Relief Society president asked each person to send a note or thought that we can put into a book for her - that she can read when she has energy.
I've been trying to figure out what you say to someone who is dying. Most of the catchy phrases are for the living. So, these quotes don't really work for my friend, but I did like them.
If you see a whole thing - it seems that it's always beautiful. Planets, lives.... But close up a world's all dirt and rocks. And day to day, life's a hard job, you get tired, you lose the pattern.- Ursula K. Le Guin
Love doesn't just sit there like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new. - Ursula K. Le Guin
Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got. ~Art Buchwald
Don't be fooled by the calendar. There are only as many days in the year as you make use of. ~Charles Richards
Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.- Carl Sandburg
Life would be much easier if I had the source code.- Unknown
Life is what you make of it. Always has been, always will be.- Grandma Moses
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. - Albert Einstein
You live longer once you realize that any time spent being unhappy is wasted. ~Ruth E. Renkl
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
How to post pictures
Take a look at the Lee Hurst History link from my blog. I'm trying to put Mom's history on the blog so you can comment and add your own entries. However, adding pictures is PAINFUL. I can only add them one at a time (and they are slow to upload). And once I get them there, I can't arrange them.
Google tells me of a great way to add a bunch of pictures at at time (through an email post), but since my mailer makes me add pictures one at a time AND limits the size of my emails - that didn't work too well. I don't have anything like a "select all" under attachments. Google also tells me I can drag files into the attachments, but that didn't work either. I'm using Outlook Web Access Light. Maybe I just need a new mailer.
Any hints would be appreciated - as well as any entries you want to make in Mom's history.
Google tells me of a great way to add a bunch of pictures at at time (through an email post), but since my mailer makes me add pictures one at a time AND limits the size of my emails - that didn't work too well. I don't have anything like a "select all" under attachments. Google also tells me I can drag files into the attachments, but that didn't work either. I'm using Outlook Web Access Light. Maybe I just need a new mailer.
Any hints would be appreciated - as well as any entries you want to make in Mom's history.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
All things work together for good
The excitement for the week is cleaning the garage, going to the temple, and trying to get tomato plants to live.
I did teach today; Here's the lesson. It has some good stories.
All Things Work Together for Good Elder James B. Martino
** [D&C 90:24]: “Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly.”
Stunning promise - repeated many times in the scriptures, particularly to people or prophets who are suffering through the trials.
As a young girl in Primary, I was told that if I had the faith of a mustard seed, I could move mountains. I had no real need to move a mountain, but I did have something else I wanted. I wanted a magic wand. I had heard about them and knew of their power, so I decided to put my faith to work on getting a magic wand. Now, of course, my teacher told us that we couldn’t just expect our prayers to be answered immediately. I had complete faith that if I just prayed long enough and hard enough my prayer would be answered in the affirmative. It wasn’t. Why?
All suffering has a purpose!
Joseph B Wirthlin: I have lived long enough to experience firsthand many of the challenges of life. I have known exceptional people who have endured severe trials while others, at least on the surface, seem to have lived charmed lives. Often those who struggle with adversity ask the question “Why did this happen to me?” They spend sleepless nights wondering why they feel so lonely, sick, discouraged, oppressed, or brokenhearted. The question “Why me?” can be a difficult one to answer and often leads to frustration and despair. There is a better question to ask ourselves. That question is “What could I learn from this experience?”
What have you learned from your suffering?
Just read The Undaunted about the journey through hole in the rock. It begins in England with a six year old boy who works all day in the coal mine. Later he comes to Utah and makes the incredible trek. Talk about trials. Why do I somehow think my life should be a charmed one? Evidently that is just NOT the plan. Better to say, “My faith is independent of the results.”
When we lived in Colorado, I tended an eight year old neighbor girl before and after school. Tracy was there for scripture reading and family prayer, and although not a member of our faith, she joined in. When her good friend was taken to the hospital with brain cancer, the whole neighborhood was concerned. I remember one day when Linda (Tracy’s mother) dropped by, she asked, “You are religious. Will God heal this child?” I remember thinking that this was my “missionary moment”. I talked about blessings and how we believed that God does heal. I will never forget her next comment. She said, “Oh, I know He CAN heal. I have seen that happen numerous times. But, I’ve noticed that sometimes a child is healed and sometimes he is not. My question is, “WILL He heal her?” I had no pat answer for that question.
Suffering is meant to be part of this life
Life cannot be all sweetness. If it were, it would be nauseating.
In the rodeo of life, if the horse doesn’t buck, you don’t get any points.
C. S. Lewis pointed out that some people are angry with God for His not existing, and others for His existing but for failing to do as mortals would have Him do. Instead of such childishness, we are urged to know God and to learn of His attributes. Neal Maxwell
We should not assume; however, that just because something is unexplainable by us, it is unexplainable. Neal Maxwell
We are told that All Things Work Together for Good. What does that really mean? Have you had experiences that you question?
I look at Joseph Smith and say to myself, “With everything that has gone wrong for you, couldn’t you have just had financial success, been spared from the death of children, had closest friends/apostles be loyal, not have to introduce plural marriage.”
**From Liberty Jail, in a time of anguish and deep suffering for the gospel’s sake, the Prophet Joseph Smith wrote the following message to the Saints: “Dear brethren, do not think that our hearts faint, as though some strange thing had happened unto us, for we have seen and been assured of all these things beforehand, and have an assurance of a better hope than that of our persecutors. Therefore God hath made broad our shoulders for the burden. We glory in our tribulation, because we know that God is with us, that He is our friend, and that He will save our souls.” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 123.)
Trials and tribulations tend to squeeze the artificiality out of us, leaving the essence of what we really are and clarifying what we really yearn for. Neal Maxwell
Message of the Fourth Watch (Michael Wilcox)
Bear Lake: Rowed from where the canyon road hits Garden City to Sweetwater. No one likes to row with me now. Caught in the wind in my rubber raft. Even just twenty yards can take forever. You seem to lose ground. Rowing yields little progress.
Sixth chapter of Mark.
The Savior has fed the five thousand that day, and in the late afternoon, early evening, He is sending his apostles down into the ship. He will dismiss the multitude. He wishes to pray that evening, and then He will meet the apostles a little later. In late afternoon, early evening, the apostles get on the ship; they push out in the Sea of Galilee. The Savior dismisses the multitude, and prays. The Savior could pray a long time; so,
He prays late into the night. We read in Mark what takes place with the apostles:
**And when he had sent them away, he departed into a mountain to pray. And when even was come, the ship was in the midst of the sea, and he alone on the land. And he saw them toiling in rowing; for the wind was contrary unto them: and about the fourth watch of the night he cometh unto them, walking upon the sea. (Mark 6:46-48)
In John’s account (John 6:19) of this particular story we read that the apostles had rode the equivalent of about (25-35 furlongs) seventy-five football fields against the wind. There are times in our lives when we toil, rowing against the wind. We are trying to make progress and sometimes it seems that there are forces that are against us. There may be some great blessing that we deeply desire. There may be some trial that we want deeply to be over. And it doesn’t seem like we are making any headway against the wind. We wonder if the Lord is listening.
Now we need to understand something about our Father in Heaven, and that is that He is
a fourth watch God. The Hebrew night was divided into four watches. The first watch—six o’clock at night to nine [p.m.], second watch—nine to midnight, third watch—midnight to three in the morning, fourth watch—three in the morning to sunrise. Sometimes that creates a bit of a problem for us, certainly for me. I worship a fourth watch God. One who tends to feel that it is good to let His children toil in rowing against the wind to face a little opposition. My problem is that I am a first watch person. Now there is something inside of me that understands that it is good for me to toil in rowing against the wind. But certainly by the second watch He would come. And when the second watch has passed and He still has not come. Sometimes I forget that as Mark says, He is watching. He watched them toiling and rowing.
We begin to assume that, number one, He is not there. That is why He’s not responding. And then we calm down and understand that He is there; He is always there. Then the second assumption is if He is there, He must not be listening. And then again, in calmer times —He always listens. Well then the third assumption is He must not care. No—He’s there, He listens, He cares. Maybe the most dangerous assumption, the fourth assumption is I must not be worthy. Now that fourth assumption we are probably correct on. But when has that ever stopped Him from responding; we are as worthy as we can be. We must assume that we have not yet reached the fourth watch; and He is a fourth watch God.
The scriptures are full of fourth watch stories.
We worship a fourth watch God. So when the trials aren’t over and the blessings don’t come, don’t assume that He is not there, or He is not listening, or He doesn’t care, or you’re not worthy. Always assume you have not yet reached the fourth watch. Now occasionally people have said to me, “I’m sure I’m past the fourth watch.” I was once talking with Sheri Dew and she said later, “Mike, I think I’m in the ninth watch—now what?”
My struggles as a teen. Did the “open scriptures and point” method of getting answers:
**D&C 122:7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.
Tight like a Dish. Now that is an expression I think you all will understand—‘Tight like a dish.’ It’s the description of the Jaredite barges.
**Ether 2:9 “They were built after a manner that they were exceedingly tight, even that they would hold water like unto a dish”. “And the bottom thereof was tight like unto a dish. “And the sides thereof were tight like unto a dish. “And the ends thereof were peaked; and the top thereof was tight like unto a dish; and the length thereof was the length of a tree; and the door thereof, when it was shut, was tight like unto a dish”—“Tight like a dish” occurs five times.
We get the impression they are waterproof. It’s like taking a jar and sealing it and throwing it. These are not submarines; they float light like a fowl, we are told, on the water. But the problem is that great waves are going to be washing over them, and so they need to be waterproof. Now being ‘Tight like a dish’ causes two problems for the Jaredites’ crossing of the sea. It was probably Mrs. Moriancumer who pointed them out to her husband: “We can’t breathe in here, and we can’t see, so unless we are going to get the Promised Land in sixty seconds, we’ve got big problems. Did you get the instructions right?”
And so Moriancumer, the brother of Jared, goes back to the Lord, and he presents his two problems. Now you learn something about your Father in Heaven in the solution or the handling of these two problems. Of the two problems—no air and no light—the Lord solves one of them just because He is asked. He tells them to put the holes in so they can have air. And sometimes when we go to the Lord, we simply ask and we will receive. He tells us the solution. The second problem we have to seek and find; for the second problem the Lord says, “You come up with a solution.”
** Ether 2:24 Behold, ye shall be as a whale in the midst of the sea; for the mountain waves shall dash upon you. Nevertheless, I will bring you up again out of the depths of the sea; for the winds have gone forth out of my mouth, and also the rains and the floods have I sent
forth.
Now the reason they need ‘Tight like a dish’ ships is because there are going to be mountain waves. Now what causes mountain waves in the ocean?—wind and storm. And what did the
Lord just say the source of the winds were? “The winds have gone forth out of my mouth, and the rains and floods have I sent forth”—do you have a solution to the problem?
If I were the brother of Jared, I would have said, “Lord, we don’t need these ‘Tight like a dish’ ships at all. Since waves are the problem, and waves are caused by wind, and wind comes out of your mouth—blow softly. Blow softly. Breeze us to the Promised Land. We’ll sit on deck, we’ll fish, we’ll get tanned, we’ll play shuffleboard.” How many here want the first watch cruise version of life?—that’s me; I’m a first watch person. I don’t like mountain waves.
And then the great lesson: We know God can still the storms of our lives—we know that; there are precedents. But he prefers to do something else: Behold, I prepare you against these things; for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come. What will ye that I should prepare for you that ye may have light when ye are swallowed up in the depths of the sea? (Ether 2:25)
What we need to understand about our Father in Heaven is that He prefers to prepare us to face the storms of life, the contrary winds, rather than to still them. Somewhere in the past of your life, experiences have been placed by a wise and foresighted Father in Heaven to prepare you to face the very things that you are facing. As the lion and the bear came to David, before Goliath, to prepare him to face Goliath, so will lion-and bear moments come in your lives before the Goliath moments come. Because if your ship was not tight like a dish and you have reached the fourth watch, He will come to you and still the storm. So if the storm is not still, we must assume our ship is tight like a dish.
** 1 Samuel 17:34 And David said unto Saul, Thy servant kept his father's sheep, and there came a lion, and a bear, and took a lamb out of the flock:
35 and I went out after him, and smote him, and delivered it out of his mouth: and when he arose against me, I caught him by his beard, and smote him, and slew him.
36 Thy servant slew both the lion and the bear: and this uncircumcised Philistine shall be as one of them, seeing he hath defied the armies of the living God.
Sometimes we don’t understand the Lord’s answers because the answers that we are getting may not be the ones we particularly want.
We will Grow
Roger Sorensen (who was in charge of the Hill Cummorah Pageant) BYU Devotional July 29, 2008
Evidences of the heart
Seats at Hill Cummorah Pageant. 8000 chairs set up for 11 days. After chairs removed, the grass in the aisles is so tramped down, it looks dead. The field is a modified checkerboard of long green grass where the chairs have been sitting and ten foot wide grass is either tramped down and seemingly dead (in dry years) or a muddy bog in wet years. It grows back stronger every year. Service and sacrifice (especially when performed in the arms of adversity) strengthen our souls and soften our hearts. The grass in the aisle is so distinct that they can almost set up the chairs. The grass in the aisle is hardier and darker than the grass where the chairs sit.
We may never know in this life why we face what we do, but we can feel confident that we can grow from the experience. Has this been your experience?
Each of us will face adversity no matter where we are. We are taught in the scriptures that there “must needs be . . . an opposition in all things.”1 We will each face times of difficulty, and the question is not when we will face them but how we face them.
Our Heavenly Father, who loves us completely and perfectly, permits us to have experiences that will allow us to develop the traits and attributes we need to become more and more Christlike.
**Hugh B. Brown: If we banish hardship we banish hardihood; out of the same door with calamity walk courage, fortitude, triumphant faith, and sacrificial love. If we abolish the cross in the world, we make impossible the Christ in man.
**Hugh B Brown: Such is the experience of mortality—a series of mountains with intervening valleys. Some come into this world seriously handicapped and, it would appear, scarcely able to cope with life’s vicissitudes. But let us remember that when we handicap a competitor in any event by giving others an advantage, we acknowledge his superiority. Nature’s handicaps are often compliments. Struggle and strength travel together. What must appear to some as failure can be to another the very motivation necessary to develop a needed virtue. “Defeat may serve as well as victory to shake the soul and let the glory out.” One man’s disillusion may be another’s inspiration. The same exposure to pain, misery, and sorrow that coarsens the mind and calluses the soul of one may give to another a power of compassionate understanding and humility without which mere achievement remains primitive.
**I walked a mile with pleasure, she chattered all the way;
Leaving me none the wiser, with all she had to say.
And I walked a mile with sorrow, never a word said she;
But oh the things I learned from her, when sorrow walked with me.
Robert Browning Hamilton
Kim (after her last blessing): Don’t you just want the blessing that says, “Everything is going to be fine” and not the blessing that says, “Your shoulders will be strengthened so you can withstand the trials.”
What things can help us face our own trials?
Attitude
“Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional. We cannot avoid pain, but we can avoid joy.” Tim Hansel
“Man is that he might have joy”. – Joy is a CHOICE! Cindy Stettler
Attitude: When LeGrand Richards was 96, he went out and bought two new suits. He said, “I’m shooting for 100.” Well, he didn’t make it too 100. He became very will. The doctors told him they would have to remove a leg to get rid of all the infection. When people came to visit him, he would cheer them up. “I love life so much, for the Lord to get me out of this life, He had to take me one piece at a time. I’m glad he started with that end.” Sometime later a friend asked, “How are you feeling?” He smiled and answered, “Well, frankly, I feel like I’m on my last leg.” (told by Scott Anderson)
Peter was a car accident victim whose gas tank ended up in his lap. His burns were so severe, they thought he was dead and pushed him aisde. Finally, they realized he was still alive. He was in the hospital for four months, still struggling to live. He was in terrible pain. He was badly burned. He had no nose, just the bony top part. He had no lips, just his teeth coming out. He had no ears, just holes in the side of his head. I don’t say this to be gross, but it was the fact. He looked so bad, nurses would have to leave the room to get their composure before they could go back to care for him. Scar tissue covered his eyes. He asked that it be removed first so he could tell if he could see. One night he pulled the bandages from his eyes and pulled the bedpan up so he could see himself in the reflection. He looked at himself in the bedpan that night and saw himself for the first time since the accident. He started crying. A nurse heard him crying and thought he was in pain. She came in to see the scene. He looked at her and said, “I can see! I am so grateful I can see.”
Prayer Third, when we face our challenges, we must seek greater help from God. Even the Savior of us all found a need to pray “more earnestly” as He was in the Garden of Gethsemane.5 We can learn to gain great faith if we do this. We must remember that often the answers from our Heavenly Father do not remove the trial from us, but instead He helps strengthen us as we pass through the experience. As He did for the followers of Alma, the Lord can “ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs.”6 In our trials, let us not become bitter or uncommitted, but let us follow the Savior’s example of becoming more earnest, more sincere, and more faithful.
Service I think we become more compassionate as we suffer pain.
In our last general conference, our beloved prophet, President Thomas S. Monson, stated: “I believe the Savior is telling us that unless we lose ourselves in service to others, there is little purpose to our own lives.
Testimony gives us the eternal perspective necessary to see past the trials or challenges we will inevitably face.
Remember what Heber C. Kimball prophesied:
“The time will come when no man nor woman will be able to endure on borrowed light. Each will have to be guided by the light within himself. …
“… If you don’t have it you will not stand; therefore seek for the testimony of Jesus and cleave to it, that when the trying time comes you may not stumble and fall.” 15
Patience
John Groberg: Some say, “But it has been years. We have fasted and prayed so long and so hard. What does the Lord expect?”
There may be many answers. I give only one. That is: He expects more, and it will be for your eternal benefit and blessing. That I know. As we begin to comprehend eternity, we gain a whole new catalog of values.
“Seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand. For behold, ye yourselves know that he counseleth in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy, over all his works.” (Jacob 4:8, 10.)
Faith “Would you ever do something that would cause pain and bring tears to your children when they have done nothing wrong?” Of course you would! When mothers take young children to the doctor to receive immunizations, almost every child leaves the doctor’s office in tears. Why do you do that? Because you know that a small amount of pain now will protect them from possible pain and suffering in the future. Our Father in Heaven knows the end from the beginning. We need to follow the example of the Savior and trust in Him.
John Groberg On a small Pacific island an infant girl was born to a faithful family. They called her Felila. There was happiness and joy as this grateful spirit made her debut into mortal life, but soon there were problems. Her head was abnormally large. The doctors diagnosed it as hydrocephalus. The questions of brain damage, of normalcy, of other problems all raised their haunting heads. After much fasting and prayer the elders quorum president approached the branch president, who in turn talked with the district president, who after adequate checking came to me as the mission president to see if there were some additional help available.
The medical authorities were consulted, and it was determined that there was little if anything they could do locally. Letters were written, information was sent back and forth, x-rays were taken and analyzed. There was so much to do—so many questions to be answered, so many pieces to fit together. Finally after exasperatingly long delays, things began to fall into place. A family in Salt Lake agreed to accept full responsibility for the infant, even if it meant years of outpatient care; the doctors agreed on the possibility of her eventual recovery; the hospital accepted the case on a service basis; funds were raised for her air fare; some local travelers arranged their schedules to bring her right to the hospital. But there were other problems—visas, health certificates, reservations, passports.
All during these trying days the family, and the elders quorum, and even the whole branch continued to fast and pray. The time of departure of the infrequent airplane grew near.
One morning, amidst myriads of other pressing matters, I had the strong impression that I must take the time now and put forth the extra effort required to get everything done so she could go. I got on the overseas telephone. The consulate finally agreed to issue a visa; the airlines made a special reservation; the passport people agreed to waive the normal regulations; others gave that extra effort and cooperation; and soon all was in order.
Normally I would have sent someone to bring the family in to sign the final papers, but again I felt strongly impressed that I should personally go and see the branch president. I located him in the early afternoon near the school where he was teaching. He was standing alone outside as though he were waiting for me.
Excitedly I ran up to him: “Guess what? It’s all set. Miraculously everything has worked out and Felila can leave tomorrow. Please get word to the family immediately.”
His calm, penetrating gaze quelled my exuberance. “It’s true,” I said. “I know it’s been long and there have been lots of disappointments, but she really is going now. What’s the matter?”
His steady gaze seemed to penetrate my very soul. Then softly in his liquid native tongue he informed me that when all the preparations had been made, when the hearts of so many had been stretched in service, when the goal of unity and selflessness had been achieved in those many hearts, when all had made the final commitment of others above self, at the height of all this activity that very morning, little Felila had quietly and unobtrusively slipped away—gone to that better care which so many had fasted and prayed and worked so long and hard for her to receive.
Gone? This morning? But all that work, all that time, all that fasting and praying and those strong feelings. Gone? No!
Without once shifting his gaze, he, having more faith than I, offered a few words of truth and encouragement, then quietly turned and rejoined his class.
And I was left alone, or so it seemed. I moved slowly and heavily down that dusty trail. Why? Why? After all that work and that strong faith of so many and those impressions, why?
I sensed the brightness of the sun and felt the warmth of the breeze as it lazily tossed the palm leaves and slowly shifted the silent clouds against the clear blue sky. A feeling came over me. I realized that the earth was beautiful, that life went on and was eternal. And while I cannot describe fully what happened next, part of the experience is proper to relate. The best explanation is contained in the phrase, “I was overcome by the Spirit.” It was as though one took me by the hand and led me to a high place and stood by me and said, “Look.” And I looked and beheld such beauty and magnificence as man cannot conceive. And I heard a voice, such a tender, compassionate voice—yet so unmistakably powerful—that all nature stood still and listened and obeyed.
“Come home, Felila, my daughter. Come home to the care your loved ones have sought for you. I have heard their prayers and have known their fasting and love for you, and I answer, Come home, my daughter. You have finished your mission in life. Hearts have been softened; souls have been stretched; faith has been increased. Come home now, Felila.”
He knew her! He knew her name. He knew all about her and about all those others. How perfect our Father’s love! He had heard the prayers. He had done what was best. He knew everything—which thing, though I believed, I never had supposed. In some marvelous way, which is beyond our mortal comprehension, he knows and understands all things.
I did teach today; Here's the lesson. It has some good stories.
All Things Work Together for Good Elder James B. Martino
** [D&C 90:24]: “Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly.”
Stunning promise - repeated many times in the scriptures, particularly to people or prophets who are suffering through the trials.
As a young girl in Primary, I was told that if I had the faith of a mustard seed, I could move mountains. I had no real need to move a mountain, but I did have something else I wanted. I wanted a magic wand. I had heard about them and knew of their power, so I decided to put my faith to work on getting a magic wand. Now, of course, my teacher told us that we couldn’t just expect our prayers to be answered immediately. I had complete faith that if I just prayed long enough and hard enough my prayer would be answered in the affirmative. It wasn’t. Why?
All suffering has a purpose!
Joseph B Wirthlin: I have lived long enough to experience firsthand many of the challenges of life. I have known exceptional people who have endured severe trials while others, at least on the surface, seem to have lived charmed lives. Often those who struggle with adversity ask the question “Why did this happen to me?” They spend sleepless nights wondering why they feel so lonely, sick, discouraged, oppressed, or brokenhearted. The question “Why me?” can be a difficult one to answer and often leads to frustration and despair. There is a better question to ask ourselves. That question is “What could I learn from this experience?”
What have you learned from your suffering?
Just read The Undaunted about the journey through hole in the rock. It begins in England with a six year old boy who works all day in the coal mine. Later he comes to Utah and makes the incredible trek. Talk about trials. Why do I somehow think my life should be a charmed one? Evidently that is just NOT the plan. Better to say, “My faith is independent of the results.”
When we lived in Colorado, I tended an eight year old neighbor girl before and after school. Tracy was there for scripture reading and family prayer, and although not a member of our faith, she joined in. When her good friend was taken to the hospital with brain cancer, the whole neighborhood was concerned. I remember one day when Linda (Tracy’s mother) dropped by, she asked, “You are religious. Will God heal this child?” I remember thinking that this was my “missionary moment”. I talked about blessings and how we believed that God does heal. I will never forget her next comment. She said, “Oh, I know He CAN heal. I have seen that happen numerous times. But, I’ve noticed that sometimes a child is healed and sometimes he is not. My question is, “WILL He heal her?” I had no pat answer for that question.
Suffering is meant to be part of this life
Life cannot be all sweetness. If it were, it would be nauseating.
In the rodeo of life, if the horse doesn’t buck, you don’t get any points.
C. S. Lewis pointed out that some people are angry with God for His not existing, and others for His existing but for failing to do as mortals would have Him do. Instead of such childishness, we are urged to know God and to learn of His attributes. Neal Maxwell
We should not assume; however, that just because something is unexplainable by us, it is unexplainable. Neal Maxwell
We are told that All Things Work Together for Good. What does that really mean? Have you had experiences that you question?
I look at Joseph Smith and say to myself, “With everything that has gone wrong for you, couldn’t you have just had financial success, been spared from the death of children, had closest friends/apostles be loyal, not have to introduce plural marriage.”
**From Liberty Jail, in a time of anguish and deep suffering for the gospel’s sake, the Prophet Joseph Smith wrote the following message to the Saints: “Dear brethren, do not think that our hearts faint, as though some strange thing had happened unto us, for we have seen and been assured of all these things beforehand, and have an assurance of a better hope than that of our persecutors. Therefore God hath made broad our shoulders for the burden. We glory in our tribulation, because we know that God is with us, that He is our friend, and that He will save our souls.” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 123.)
Trials and tribulations tend to squeeze the artificiality out of us, leaving the essence of what we really are and clarifying what we really yearn for. Neal Maxwell
Message of the Fourth Watch (Michael Wilcox)
Bear Lake: Rowed from where the canyon road hits Garden City to Sweetwater. No one likes to row with me now. Caught in the wind in my rubber raft. Even just twenty yards can take forever. You seem to lose ground. Rowing yields little progress.
Sixth chapter of Mark.
The Savior has fed the five thousand that day, and in the late afternoon, early evening, He is sending his apostles down into the ship. He will dismiss the multitude. He wishes to pray that evening, and then He will meet the apostles a little later. In late afternoon, early evening, the apostles get on the ship; they push out in the Sea of Galilee. The Savior dismisses the multitude, and prays. The Savior could pray a long time; so,
He prays late into the night. We read in Mark what takes place with the apostles:
**And when he had sent them away, he departed into a mountain to pray. And when even was come, the ship was in the midst of the sea, and he alone on the land. And he saw them toiling in rowing; for the wind was contrary unto them: and about the fourth watch of the night he cometh unto them, walking upon the sea. (Mark 6:46-48)
In John’s account (John 6:19) of this particular story we read that the apostles had rode the equivalent of about (25-35 furlongs) seventy-five football fields against the wind. There are times in our lives when we toil, rowing against the wind. We are trying to make progress and sometimes it seems that there are forces that are against us. There may be some great blessing that we deeply desire. There may be some trial that we want deeply to be over. And it doesn’t seem like we are making any headway against the wind. We wonder if the Lord is listening.
Now we need to understand something about our Father in Heaven, and that is that He is
a fourth watch God. The Hebrew night was divided into four watches. The first watch—six o’clock at night to nine [p.m.], second watch—nine to midnight, third watch—midnight to three in the morning, fourth watch—three in the morning to sunrise. Sometimes that creates a bit of a problem for us, certainly for me. I worship a fourth watch God. One who tends to feel that it is good to let His children toil in rowing against the wind to face a little opposition. My problem is that I am a first watch person. Now there is something inside of me that understands that it is good for me to toil in rowing against the wind. But certainly by the second watch He would come. And when the second watch has passed and He still has not come. Sometimes I forget that as Mark says, He is watching. He watched them toiling and rowing.
We begin to assume that, number one, He is not there. That is why He’s not responding. And then we calm down and understand that He is there; He is always there. Then the second assumption is if He is there, He must not be listening. And then again, in calmer times —He always listens. Well then the third assumption is He must not care. No—He’s there, He listens, He cares. Maybe the most dangerous assumption, the fourth assumption is I must not be worthy. Now that fourth assumption we are probably correct on. But when has that ever stopped Him from responding; we are as worthy as we can be. We must assume that we have not yet reached the fourth watch; and He is a fourth watch God.
The scriptures are full of fourth watch stories.
We worship a fourth watch God. So when the trials aren’t over and the blessings don’t come, don’t assume that He is not there, or He is not listening, or He doesn’t care, or you’re not worthy. Always assume you have not yet reached the fourth watch. Now occasionally people have said to me, “I’m sure I’m past the fourth watch.” I was once talking with Sheri Dew and she said later, “Mike, I think I’m in the ninth watch—now what?”
My struggles as a teen. Did the “open scriptures and point” method of getting answers:
**D&C 122:7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.
Tight like a Dish. Now that is an expression I think you all will understand—‘Tight like a dish.’ It’s the description of the Jaredite barges.
**Ether 2:9 “They were built after a manner that they were exceedingly tight, even that they would hold water like unto a dish”. “And the bottom thereof was tight like unto a dish. “And the sides thereof were tight like unto a dish. “And the ends thereof were peaked; and the top thereof was tight like unto a dish; and the length thereof was the length of a tree; and the door thereof, when it was shut, was tight like unto a dish”—“Tight like a dish” occurs five times.
We get the impression they are waterproof. It’s like taking a jar and sealing it and throwing it. These are not submarines; they float light like a fowl, we are told, on the water. But the problem is that great waves are going to be washing over them, and so they need to be waterproof. Now being ‘Tight like a dish’ causes two problems for the Jaredites’ crossing of the sea. It was probably Mrs. Moriancumer who pointed them out to her husband: “We can’t breathe in here, and we can’t see, so unless we are going to get the Promised Land in sixty seconds, we’ve got big problems. Did you get the instructions right?”
And so Moriancumer, the brother of Jared, goes back to the Lord, and he presents his two problems. Now you learn something about your Father in Heaven in the solution or the handling of these two problems. Of the two problems—no air and no light—the Lord solves one of them just because He is asked. He tells them to put the holes in so they can have air. And sometimes when we go to the Lord, we simply ask and we will receive. He tells us the solution. The second problem we have to seek and find; for the second problem the Lord says, “You come up with a solution.”
** Ether 2:24 Behold, ye shall be as a whale in the midst of the sea; for the mountain waves shall dash upon you. Nevertheless, I will bring you up again out of the depths of the sea; for the winds have gone forth out of my mouth, and also the rains and the floods have I sent
forth.
Now the reason they need ‘Tight like a dish’ ships is because there are going to be mountain waves. Now what causes mountain waves in the ocean?—wind and storm. And what did the
Lord just say the source of the winds were? “The winds have gone forth out of my mouth, and the rains and floods have I sent forth”—do you have a solution to the problem?
If I were the brother of Jared, I would have said, “Lord, we don’t need these ‘Tight like a dish’ ships at all. Since waves are the problem, and waves are caused by wind, and wind comes out of your mouth—blow softly. Blow softly. Breeze us to the Promised Land. We’ll sit on deck, we’ll fish, we’ll get tanned, we’ll play shuffleboard.” How many here want the first watch cruise version of life?—that’s me; I’m a first watch person. I don’t like mountain waves.
And then the great lesson: We know God can still the storms of our lives—we know that; there are precedents. But he prefers to do something else: Behold, I prepare you against these things; for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come. What will ye that I should prepare for you that ye may have light when ye are swallowed up in the depths of the sea? (Ether 2:25)
What we need to understand about our Father in Heaven is that He prefers to prepare us to face the storms of life, the contrary winds, rather than to still them. Somewhere in the past of your life, experiences have been placed by a wise and foresighted Father in Heaven to prepare you to face the very things that you are facing. As the lion and the bear came to David, before Goliath, to prepare him to face Goliath, so will lion-and bear moments come in your lives before the Goliath moments come. Because if your ship was not tight like a dish and you have reached the fourth watch, He will come to you and still the storm. So if the storm is not still, we must assume our ship is tight like a dish.
** 1 Samuel 17:34 And David said unto Saul, Thy servant kept his father's sheep, and there came a lion, and a bear, and took a lamb out of the flock:
35 and I went out after him, and smote him, and delivered it out of his mouth: and when he arose against me, I caught him by his beard, and smote him, and slew him.
36 Thy servant slew both the lion and the bear: and this uncircumcised Philistine shall be as one of them, seeing he hath defied the armies of the living God.
Sometimes we don’t understand the Lord’s answers because the answers that we are getting may not be the ones we particularly want.
We will Grow
Roger Sorensen (who was in charge of the Hill Cummorah Pageant) BYU Devotional July 29, 2008
Evidences of the heart
Seats at Hill Cummorah Pageant. 8000 chairs set up for 11 days. After chairs removed, the grass in the aisles is so tramped down, it looks dead. The field is a modified checkerboard of long green grass where the chairs have been sitting and ten foot wide grass is either tramped down and seemingly dead (in dry years) or a muddy bog in wet years. It grows back stronger every year. Service and sacrifice (especially when performed in the arms of adversity) strengthen our souls and soften our hearts. The grass in the aisle is so distinct that they can almost set up the chairs. The grass in the aisle is hardier and darker than the grass where the chairs sit.
We may never know in this life why we face what we do, but we can feel confident that we can grow from the experience. Has this been your experience?
Each of us will face adversity no matter where we are. We are taught in the scriptures that there “must needs be . . . an opposition in all things.”1 We will each face times of difficulty, and the question is not when we will face them but how we face them.
Our Heavenly Father, who loves us completely and perfectly, permits us to have experiences that will allow us to develop the traits and attributes we need to become more and more Christlike.
**Hugh B. Brown: If we banish hardship we banish hardihood; out of the same door with calamity walk courage, fortitude, triumphant faith, and sacrificial love. If we abolish the cross in the world, we make impossible the Christ in man.
**Hugh B Brown: Such is the experience of mortality—a series of mountains with intervening valleys. Some come into this world seriously handicapped and, it would appear, scarcely able to cope with life’s vicissitudes. But let us remember that when we handicap a competitor in any event by giving others an advantage, we acknowledge his superiority. Nature’s handicaps are often compliments. Struggle and strength travel together. What must appear to some as failure can be to another the very motivation necessary to develop a needed virtue. “Defeat may serve as well as victory to shake the soul and let the glory out.” One man’s disillusion may be another’s inspiration. The same exposure to pain, misery, and sorrow that coarsens the mind and calluses the soul of one may give to another a power of compassionate understanding and humility without which mere achievement remains primitive.
**I walked a mile with pleasure, she chattered all the way;
Leaving me none the wiser, with all she had to say.
And I walked a mile with sorrow, never a word said she;
But oh the things I learned from her, when sorrow walked with me.
Robert Browning Hamilton
Kim (after her last blessing): Don’t you just want the blessing that says, “Everything is going to be fine” and not the blessing that says, “Your shoulders will be strengthened so you can withstand the trials.”
What things can help us face our own trials?
Attitude
“Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional. We cannot avoid pain, but we can avoid joy.” Tim Hansel
“Man is that he might have joy”. – Joy is a CHOICE! Cindy Stettler
Attitude: When LeGrand Richards was 96, he went out and bought two new suits. He said, “I’m shooting for 100.” Well, he didn’t make it too 100. He became very will. The doctors told him they would have to remove a leg to get rid of all the infection. When people came to visit him, he would cheer them up. “I love life so much, for the Lord to get me out of this life, He had to take me one piece at a time. I’m glad he started with that end.” Sometime later a friend asked, “How are you feeling?” He smiled and answered, “Well, frankly, I feel like I’m on my last leg.” (told by Scott Anderson)
Peter was a car accident victim whose gas tank ended up in his lap. His burns were so severe, they thought he was dead and pushed him aisde. Finally, they realized he was still alive. He was in the hospital for four months, still struggling to live. He was in terrible pain. He was badly burned. He had no nose, just the bony top part. He had no lips, just his teeth coming out. He had no ears, just holes in the side of his head. I don’t say this to be gross, but it was the fact. He looked so bad, nurses would have to leave the room to get their composure before they could go back to care for him. Scar tissue covered his eyes. He asked that it be removed first so he could tell if he could see. One night he pulled the bandages from his eyes and pulled the bedpan up so he could see himself in the reflection. He looked at himself in the bedpan that night and saw himself for the first time since the accident. He started crying. A nurse heard him crying and thought he was in pain. She came in to see the scene. He looked at her and said, “I can see! I am so grateful I can see.”
Prayer Third, when we face our challenges, we must seek greater help from God. Even the Savior of us all found a need to pray “more earnestly” as He was in the Garden of Gethsemane.5 We can learn to gain great faith if we do this. We must remember that often the answers from our Heavenly Father do not remove the trial from us, but instead He helps strengthen us as we pass through the experience. As He did for the followers of Alma, the Lord can “ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs.”6 In our trials, let us not become bitter or uncommitted, but let us follow the Savior’s example of becoming more earnest, more sincere, and more faithful.
Service I think we become more compassionate as we suffer pain.
In our last general conference, our beloved prophet, President Thomas S. Monson, stated: “I believe the Savior is telling us that unless we lose ourselves in service to others, there is little purpose to our own lives.
Testimony gives us the eternal perspective necessary to see past the trials or challenges we will inevitably face.
Remember what Heber C. Kimball prophesied:
“The time will come when no man nor woman will be able to endure on borrowed light. Each will have to be guided by the light within himself. …
“… If you don’t have it you will not stand; therefore seek for the testimony of Jesus and cleave to it, that when the trying time comes you may not stumble and fall.” 15
Patience
John Groberg: Some say, “But it has been years. We have fasted and prayed so long and so hard. What does the Lord expect?”
There may be many answers. I give only one. That is: He expects more, and it will be for your eternal benefit and blessing. That I know. As we begin to comprehend eternity, we gain a whole new catalog of values.
“Seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand. For behold, ye yourselves know that he counseleth in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy, over all his works.” (Jacob 4:8, 10.)
Faith “Would you ever do something that would cause pain and bring tears to your children when they have done nothing wrong?” Of course you would! When mothers take young children to the doctor to receive immunizations, almost every child leaves the doctor’s office in tears. Why do you do that? Because you know that a small amount of pain now will protect them from possible pain and suffering in the future. Our Father in Heaven knows the end from the beginning. We need to follow the example of the Savior and trust in Him.
John Groberg On a small Pacific island an infant girl was born to a faithful family. They called her Felila. There was happiness and joy as this grateful spirit made her debut into mortal life, but soon there were problems. Her head was abnormally large. The doctors diagnosed it as hydrocephalus. The questions of brain damage, of normalcy, of other problems all raised their haunting heads. After much fasting and prayer the elders quorum president approached the branch president, who in turn talked with the district president, who after adequate checking came to me as the mission president to see if there were some additional help available.
The medical authorities were consulted, and it was determined that there was little if anything they could do locally. Letters were written, information was sent back and forth, x-rays were taken and analyzed. There was so much to do—so many questions to be answered, so many pieces to fit together. Finally after exasperatingly long delays, things began to fall into place. A family in Salt Lake agreed to accept full responsibility for the infant, even if it meant years of outpatient care; the doctors agreed on the possibility of her eventual recovery; the hospital accepted the case on a service basis; funds were raised for her air fare; some local travelers arranged their schedules to bring her right to the hospital. But there were other problems—visas, health certificates, reservations, passports.
All during these trying days the family, and the elders quorum, and even the whole branch continued to fast and pray. The time of departure of the infrequent airplane grew near.
One morning, amidst myriads of other pressing matters, I had the strong impression that I must take the time now and put forth the extra effort required to get everything done so she could go. I got on the overseas telephone. The consulate finally agreed to issue a visa; the airlines made a special reservation; the passport people agreed to waive the normal regulations; others gave that extra effort and cooperation; and soon all was in order.
Normally I would have sent someone to bring the family in to sign the final papers, but again I felt strongly impressed that I should personally go and see the branch president. I located him in the early afternoon near the school where he was teaching. He was standing alone outside as though he were waiting for me.
Excitedly I ran up to him: “Guess what? It’s all set. Miraculously everything has worked out and Felila can leave tomorrow. Please get word to the family immediately.”
His calm, penetrating gaze quelled my exuberance. “It’s true,” I said. “I know it’s been long and there have been lots of disappointments, but she really is going now. What’s the matter?”
His steady gaze seemed to penetrate my very soul. Then softly in his liquid native tongue he informed me that when all the preparations had been made, when the hearts of so many had been stretched in service, when the goal of unity and selflessness had been achieved in those many hearts, when all had made the final commitment of others above self, at the height of all this activity that very morning, little Felila had quietly and unobtrusively slipped away—gone to that better care which so many had fasted and prayed and worked so long and hard for her to receive.
Gone? This morning? But all that work, all that time, all that fasting and praying and those strong feelings. Gone? No!
Without once shifting his gaze, he, having more faith than I, offered a few words of truth and encouragement, then quietly turned and rejoined his class.
And I was left alone, or so it seemed. I moved slowly and heavily down that dusty trail. Why? Why? After all that work and that strong faith of so many and those impressions, why?
I sensed the brightness of the sun and felt the warmth of the breeze as it lazily tossed the palm leaves and slowly shifted the silent clouds against the clear blue sky. A feeling came over me. I realized that the earth was beautiful, that life went on and was eternal. And while I cannot describe fully what happened next, part of the experience is proper to relate. The best explanation is contained in the phrase, “I was overcome by the Spirit.” It was as though one took me by the hand and led me to a high place and stood by me and said, “Look.” And I looked and beheld such beauty and magnificence as man cannot conceive. And I heard a voice, such a tender, compassionate voice—yet so unmistakably powerful—that all nature stood still and listened and obeyed.
“Come home, Felila, my daughter. Come home to the care your loved ones have sought for you. I have heard their prayers and have known their fasting and love for you, and I answer, Come home, my daughter. You have finished your mission in life. Hearts have been softened; souls have been stretched; faith has been increased. Come home now, Felila.”
He knew her! He knew her name. He knew all about her and about all those others. How perfect our Father’s love! He had heard the prayers. He had done what was best. He knew everything—which thing, though I believed, I never had supposed. In some marvelous way, which is beyond our mortal comprehension, he knows and understands all things.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Word clouds?
I tried my own word cloud (using words from a recent blog). Thanks to my sister-in-law, Lori, for the idea! A word cloud takes a bunch of words and creates a picture out of them. Words that are used more are bigger. I thought it looked like a "tasty" set of words.
Its at http://www.wordle.net/ if you want to try it yourself.
Its too bad we don't have word clouds for our thoughts, so we can easily see what we are focusing on, what we are telling ourselves.
In our enrichment meeting last month, a psychologist in our ward (Bruce) talked about self-esteem. He said that our self-talk is so important to our self-esteem.
Bruce asked us to write down the attributes we have inherited from our Heavenly parents. Take a minute to do it! It is interesting.
Then he said, "Compare our knowledge of our Godly attributes to how the world would evaluate us." Everything in the world is about COMPARISON. Such comparisons tend to make us insecure.
He said that in order to deal with insecurity, we should
a. pray and ask to see ourselves as God sees us AND to be able to see others as God sees them.
b. Read our Patriarchical blessings
c. Listen to uplifting music
He talked about the seeds of deity that are in each of us - essential characteristics. He said, we can't really lose those characteristics.
We should focus on our Godly attributes.
Lorenzo Snow (1814-1901) -
I believe that men and women have the image of God given them-are formed after the image of God, and possess deity in their nature and character, and that their spiritual organization possesses the qualities and properties of God, and that there is the principle of God in every individual.
We read Ether 12:27 where it talks of weakness being a gift: I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
And also 2 Corinthians 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Bruce asked the question, "If weakness is a gift, is it a sin?" He later commented, "We can continue to have weakness and still become perfect in God."
He made an interesting comment. He said, "We need to learn to nurture ourselves." As you are criticizing yourself, listen to yourself as a friend would and tell yourself the nurturing words a friend would say.
We end up incorporating things into ourselves that have been said to us. They may occlude the diamond that is there. We start on a path of believing in a false self. Our self-esteem is often on a roller coaster - depending on how we did at the moment.
Turn your nurturing voice on yourself. Be willing to give yourself a new day. Ask yourself, "What did I do well? What is it about me that allows me to do that thing well?" There is a difference between boasting and noting things that are true. The latter gives us the power to use our talents.
Are you being fair with yourself? When you get caught up with comparisons, listen to the voices inside your head. Once you hear what you are saying, write them down. Analyze them, "Is it true?" See yourself in the role of a mother or friend. Imagine you are talking to someone else - that they are saying the things you are saying. What would you say to them?
Control the ANTs: Automatic, Negative, Thoughts.
Remember that people who are full of themselves are ALWAYS tortured souls. Insecurity lies at the base. Those who are truly self-confident have no need to tell you!
Robins...
We went to Boise for the weekend and had a great time. Brooke asked me to take pictures of the robins who have hatched under our deck. While you CAN see them through the floor of the deck, my photos don't show anything. I'll augment them with pictures that resemble what I can see.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
The boat - sort of
Well, the boat is at Bear Lake and I'm not, but here is a picture of the model. Ours is red. It's a Sea Ray 185 Sport Boat. We have no wake boards, yet! We need to have the would be wake boarders be sized so we get the right size.
What do you think of "Big Mable" for pulling behind the boat and using as an island? We haven't bought it yet, but it looks way fun. The only problems are it is ORANGE which isn't so great with red and it is BIG. Any opinions?
What do you think of "Big Mable" for pulling behind the boat and using as an island? We haven't bought it yet, but it looks way fun. The only problems are it is ORANGE which isn't so great with red and it is BIG. Any opinions?
Master Bathroom
Here we did new tile, countertop, redid the shower, moved the tub - so now we have a nice reading area. Moving the tub was really inspired by Halle as when she was sleeping near her folks I thought, "Wow, if the tub didn't take so much room, there would be more room for a porta crib."
Lori H, I think we need a cool picture (perhaps in three pieces) to go behind the tub! Any ideas?
Guest Bathroom
As you can see it isn't all done yet, but its getting there. Here we did new lights, added a shower, tile, countertop, hardware.
Basement Bathroom
I am horrible a being able to position text and pictures in a post, so sorry. Here are pictures of the remodel of the basement bathroom: new lights, toilet, countertop, faucets/hardware, drawer pulls, tile and shower curtain.Sunday, May 23, 2010
Steve's most expensive birthday gift, ever...
Our new Sea Ray came in this week - and as we picked it up on Steve's birthday, I think it counts as his birthday present. We took it up to the condo as there's no place to keep it at our house. It was too cold to launch it, but we did get the thrill of backing it into the garage. :-)
We stopped by Trisha's on the way home and Zach and a little friend got to crawl in under the covers and "drive it". The horn is quite obnoxious, but Zach thought it was great.
We stopped by Trisha's on the way home and Zach and a little friend got to crawl in under the covers and "drive it". The horn is quite obnoxious, but Zach thought it was great.
The rest of the story...
We had our "distributed ward dinner" last night. It was so fun! We laughed, told stories, played games. It was great. Friendships were formed. Recipes promised. Everyone I talked to said their groups were successful as well. Most groups had one couple that didn't end up coming. Some canceled the "day of" - but those cases were pretty much because of illness.
I got an added bonus in getting a ton of stuff done around the house in preparation for our hosting a group. We paid to have our exterior windows washed, and I did all the inside screens, blinds, and panes. It is amazing how good that feels. We put up new shelves in the garage, and used the extra space to de-junk the area under the stairs. We rearranged the study and hauled off the old vanity. Steve even moved the computer desk - a task he has been refusing to do for years as "it is too much work!" We FINALLY got Baer Welding to come to fix our railing. It isn't back yet, but we've waited a YEAR to get this far. It was a most productive week!
Steve took around cinnamon rolls as a thank you to the host families (I make a lot of cinnamon rolls, you can tell. More on that later.) Steve said that, to a person, they all said how much fun it was and that they would gladly host another dinner. Some said, "Now, we're going to do this again, right?"
I think we need to confirm the host families early and plan for a 20% drop out rate - but other than those adjustments, I think it was a success.
I've found a new Sunday tradition (at least while we're on the 9 am schedule). We have Grandma over for dinner almost every Sunday. She likes a traditional Sunday dinner with all of the trimmings. I figure, at 93 there are few things she can enjoy. The least I can do is cook a nice meal for her. It is tough to do rolls for three or four people. I've started making Kim's "Orange Roll" recipe from the cookbook (page 211 in Volume 1). I make a third of the batch as regular parkerhouse rolls (baking them in a glass pan to brown them well and to keep them warm during dinner). If I get them rolled out too early, I just stick them in the fridge with a cloth over them to rise, and take them out a half hour before dinner. The rest of the batch I make into cinnamon rolls. I can usually make about a dozen dinner rolls and two dozen cinnamon rolls. (To give out cinnamon rolls to all the hosts, I doubled the batch - but my Bosch can handle a double batch.) The cinnamon rolls are great give aways, but they freeze well too. We just thaw/warm them in the microwave.
I got an added bonus in getting a ton of stuff done around the house in preparation for our hosting a group. We paid to have our exterior windows washed, and I did all the inside screens, blinds, and panes. It is amazing how good that feels. We put up new shelves in the garage, and used the extra space to de-junk the area under the stairs. We rearranged the study and hauled off the old vanity. Steve even moved the computer desk - a task he has been refusing to do for years as "it is too much work!" We FINALLY got Baer Welding to come to fix our railing. It isn't back yet, but we've waited a YEAR to get this far. It was a most productive week!
Steve took around cinnamon rolls as a thank you to the host families (I make a lot of cinnamon rolls, you can tell. More on that later.) Steve said that, to a person, they all said how much fun it was and that they would gladly host another dinner. Some said, "Now, we're going to do this again, right?"
I think we need to confirm the host families early and plan for a 20% drop out rate - but other than those adjustments, I think it was a success.
I've found a new Sunday tradition (at least while we're on the 9 am schedule). We have Grandma over for dinner almost every Sunday. She likes a traditional Sunday dinner with all of the trimmings. I figure, at 93 there are few things she can enjoy. The least I can do is cook a nice meal for her. It is tough to do rolls for three or four people. I've started making Kim's "Orange Roll" recipe from the cookbook (page 211 in Volume 1). I make a third of the batch as regular parkerhouse rolls (baking them in a glass pan to brown them well and to keep them warm during dinner). If I get them rolled out too early, I just stick them in the fridge with a cloth over them to rise, and take them out a half hour before dinner. The rest of the batch I make into cinnamon rolls. I can usually make about a dozen dinner rolls and two dozen cinnamon rolls. (To give out cinnamon rolls to all the hosts, I doubled the batch - but my Bosch can handle a double batch.) The cinnamon rolls are great give aways, but they freeze well too. We just thaw/warm them in the microwave.
Correction, the REAL nicest thank you note, EVER
I have a contender for nicest thank you note. However, it really doesn't even belong to me.
I have always loved the quote from President Spencer W. Kimball: “God does notice us, and He watches over us. But it is usually through another person that He meets our needs”
Three weeks ago (after I “hijacked’ the welfare meeting), the only welfare topic we discussed as we exited the room was "Jones's". They are the sweetest family with lots of kids. One is waiting for a mission call. They have struggled with jobs since moving into our ward a few years ago. Because of some undiagnosed medical problems interfering with his ability to work, the father has lost his job.
Those of us exiting the welfare meeting discussed providing food from the food pantry. The thought occurred to me that what they really needed was money. With medical problems, nothing quite fills the need like cash. I felt I needed to write them out a check. I remember thinking, “This is not a good month for us. We have the boat to pay for and are remodeling three bathrooms (and we keep adding additional projects to the mix).” But that reluctant thought was immediately replaced by, “You’ll never even miss the money. You have so much cash going through your checking account this month, you'll never miss it. You are going to be down to pennies anyway. What’s another expense? And who said service is supposed to be convenient?”
That night, I took them some cinnamon rolls and a card with a check it in. This week the sweetest thank you card came. It begins with "Thank you so much for the cinnamon rolls you brought over. We enjoyed them very much. Also, thank you for the check that you included with the treats. I still don't know how to even react about that. I really don't even know what to say. I have never been given help like this before." Pretty sweet. I wish I can claim the idea as my own.
“God does notice us, and He watches over us. But it is usually through another person that He meets our needs”
I have always loved the quote from President Spencer W. Kimball: “God does notice us, and He watches over us. But it is usually through another person that He meets our needs”
Three weeks ago (after I “hijacked’ the welfare meeting), the only welfare topic we discussed as we exited the room was "Jones's". They are the sweetest family with lots of kids. One is waiting for a mission call. They have struggled with jobs since moving into our ward a few years ago. Because of some undiagnosed medical problems interfering with his ability to work, the father has lost his job.
Those of us exiting the welfare meeting discussed providing food from the food pantry. The thought occurred to me that what they really needed was money. With medical problems, nothing quite fills the need like cash. I felt I needed to write them out a check. I remember thinking, “This is not a good month for us. We have the boat to pay for and are remodeling three bathrooms (and we keep adding additional projects to the mix).” But that reluctant thought was immediately replaced by, “You’ll never even miss the money. You have so much cash going through your checking account this month, you'll never miss it. You are going to be down to pennies anyway. What’s another expense? And who said service is supposed to be convenient?”
That night, I took them some cinnamon rolls and a card with a check it in. This week the sweetest thank you card came. It begins with "Thank you so much for the cinnamon rolls you brought over. We enjoyed them very much. Also, thank you for the check that you included with the treats. I still don't know how to even react about that. I really don't even know what to say. I have never been given help like this before." Pretty sweet. I wish I can claim the idea as my own.
“God does notice us, and He watches over us. But it is usually through another person that He meets our needs”
Saturday, May 15, 2010
It seemed like a good idea at the time
At the SIGSCE conference I went to, they have a special session for "bloopers" - things that seemed like a good idea initially, but turned out disastrously in the classroom. As I read one account, it was so similar to an experiment I did a year ago, I found myself laughing out loud. Funny how time + disaster equals humor.
Steve is head of the activity committee (and I am the RS representative on that committee). He was charged with putting together a "distributed dinner" for a ward of 140 families - pot luck dinners of small groups of four couples, hosted in different homes. It "seemed like such a good idea at the time". People would get to know each other in smaller groups. There would be no large dinner, program, cleanup, setup, table decorations. However, it has been an incredible amount of phoning. The sign-ups went around early, so some people have been pretty antsy about if they will be hosts, who will be coming, how many will be coming (and will they fit on their dining room table), and on and on. There have been delays. The bishop wanted to involve some less active families that HE was going to call, but he's traveling abroad and we don't know what he learned. We had to call everyone who didn't sign up to see if they wanted to participate. We needed to form them all into groups (while still waiting to hear if others would participate). Then we had to phone all the "hosts" to see if hosting still worked for them and inform them who is in their group. In almost half of the cases, hosting didn't work any more. I think it could be a "Family Feud" category - "Name a reason you would cancel out on hosting a potluck dinner after you volunteered earlier in the month." I think it says a lot about our culture in Utah - lots of weddings, watching a child/grandchild in a sporting event trumps any other commitment, working, poor health, the spouse signed up but wife doesn't really enjoy entertaining. I think people don't entertain in their homes much anymore. I'm surprised at the stress even the thoughts of entertaining causes.
Sadly, I think people have missed the vision of the event. They are thinking about whether THEY would enjoy socializing with "assigned friends" rather than the good that will come from getting closer to people that they don't know well and reaching out to those that don't attend our congregation regularly (if at all). I sure hope the topic never comes up in a welfare meeting (as a missionary or activation event). I can see another UNWANTED "hijacking" in the making. It begins with "In Utah, we are so involved with family and sports and family sports, that all social events involve one of those foci. Those who don't have children in the home or lots of posterity close have no one to hang with. In the mission field, the ward was the family. There was great strength in those bonds." How does one communicate that while family is great and attending every single baseball game of all of your thirteen grandchildren is awesome support, missing occasionally is acceptable so that you can be involved in activation efforts, in-service meeting attendance, or supporting enrichment meetings? I think it would communicate a good message: "I would really rather be at your baseball/basketball/soccer/swim/wrestling competition, but life is about fulfilling commitments and doing things for others."
Anyway, I digress. We've been juggling groups and making more phone calls to get more hosts. Thank goodness for Excel. I was opting out of being a host, but now that I'm needed, I will be a host too. So... I still have to cook, clean my house, find table decorations, and make food assignments for those coming to my house.
After NUMEROUS calls and making several "I owe you" promises, we finally have all the hosts assigned. Now, we've begun "round 2" in which the hosts are calling back to say someone in their group can't come and do we have someone else for them to invite.
The funny thing is, "It seemed like SUCH a good idea at the time" that they want to do this every few months. I guess we'll get better at this.
Ahhh... "Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions." Let's just hope this really is a good decision.
Steve is head of the activity committee (and I am the RS representative on that committee). He was charged with putting together a "distributed dinner" for a ward of 140 families - pot luck dinners of small groups of four couples, hosted in different homes. It "seemed like such a good idea at the time". People would get to know each other in smaller groups. There would be no large dinner, program, cleanup, setup, table decorations. However, it has been an incredible amount of phoning. The sign-ups went around early, so some people have been pretty antsy about if they will be hosts, who will be coming, how many will be coming (and will they fit on their dining room table), and on and on. There have been delays. The bishop wanted to involve some less active families that HE was going to call, but he's traveling abroad and we don't know what he learned. We had to call everyone who didn't sign up to see if they wanted to participate. We needed to form them all into groups (while still waiting to hear if others would participate). Then we had to phone all the "hosts" to see if hosting still worked for them and inform them who is in their group. In almost half of the cases, hosting didn't work any more. I think it could be a "Family Feud" category - "Name a reason you would cancel out on hosting a potluck dinner after you volunteered earlier in the month." I think it says a lot about our culture in Utah - lots of weddings, watching a child/grandchild in a sporting event trumps any other commitment, working, poor health, the spouse signed up but wife doesn't really enjoy entertaining. I think people don't entertain in their homes much anymore. I'm surprised at the stress even the thoughts of entertaining causes.
Sadly, I think people have missed the vision of the event. They are thinking about whether THEY would enjoy socializing with "assigned friends" rather than the good that will come from getting closer to people that they don't know well and reaching out to those that don't attend our congregation regularly (if at all). I sure hope the topic never comes up in a welfare meeting (as a missionary or activation event). I can see another UNWANTED "hijacking" in the making. It begins with "In Utah, we are so involved with family and sports and family sports, that all social events involve one of those foci. Those who don't have children in the home or lots of posterity close have no one to hang with. In the mission field, the ward was the family. There was great strength in those bonds." How does one communicate that while family is great and attending every single baseball game of all of your thirteen grandchildren is awesome support, missing occasionally is acceptable so that you can be involved in activation efforts, in-service meeting attendance, or supporting enrichment meetings? I think it would communicate a good message: "I would really rather be at your baseball/basketball/soccer/swim/wrestling competition, but life is about fulfilling commitments and doing things for others."
Anyway, I digress. We've been juggling groups and making more phone calls to get more hosts. Thank goodness for Excel. I was opting out of being a host, but now that I'm needed, I will be a host too. So... I still have to cook, clean my house, find table decorations, and make food assignments for those coming to my house.
After NUMEROUS calls and making several "I owe you" promises, we finally have all the hosts assigned. Now, we've begun "round 2" in which the hosts are calling back to say someone in their group can't come and do we have someone else for them to invite.
The funny thing is, "It seemed like SUCH a good idea at the time" that they want to do this every few months. I guess we'll get better at this.
Ahhh... "Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions." Let's just hope this really is a good decision.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
It's not what we have, but how we feel about what we have
I was buying pizza for dinner. [I LOVE Papa Murphy's double stuffed pizzas.] As I was waiting for my pizza to be made, I noticed a middle-aged couple come in. On a scale of 1-10, they were 2's. I noticed how they were dressed and the extra bulges they packed. Then, I noticed what really mattered. They were so sweet to each other; even standing in line together at Papa Murphy's was a time to treasure.
It reminded me of one of my young women. She was multi-talented. She played basketball, was a cheerleader, was a great cook, had a strong testimony, and had an engaging personality. We had gone on a leadership retreat to Bear Lake. As part of every leadership retreat was a testimony meeting. Her older brother was there. In his testimony, he said something disparaging about this younger sister. I can't remember it being horrible, but she was absolutely devastated. Later that night, as we tried to comfort her, she was crying uncontrollably. I had never realized that she had such low self-esteem. It was then that I realized, "It's not what we have, but how we feel about what we have that matters."
There is another thing I learned about gratitude from Young Women's. We had gone to camp to cabins in Paradise. The girls had changed to their swimsuits to tan. I remember looking at their lean, well-toned bodies and thinking, "They are all absolutely beautiful. Every one of them! Sixteen must be the pinnacle of bodily perfection." And then I thought, "I bet I was at my peak at sixteen, too. Did I realize it?" And then my thoughts kept flowing, "If that was your peak, it means you are never going to be better physically that you are right now. Do you appreciate what you have right now?"
"He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." - Epictetus
“The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.”-Eric Hoffer
It reminded me of one of my young women. She was multi-talented. She played basketball, was a cheerleader, was a great cook, had a strong testimony, and had an engaging personality. We had gone on a leadership retreat to Bear Lake. As part of every leadership retreat was a testimony meeting. Her older brother was there. In his testimony, he said something disparaging about this younger sister. I can't remember it being horrible, but she was absolutely devastated. Later that night, as we tried to comfort her, she was crying uncontrollably. I had never realized that she had such low self-esteem. It was then that I realized, "It's not what we have, but how we feel about what we have that matters."
There is another thing I learned about gratitude from Young Women's. We had gone to camp to cabins in Paradise. The girls had changed to their swimsuits to tan. I remember looking at their lean, well-toned bodies and thinking, "They are all absolutely beautiful. Every one of them! Sixteen must be the pinnacle of bodily perfection." And then I thought, "I bet I was at my peak at sixteen, too. Did I realize it?" And then my thoughts kept flowing, "If that was your peak, it means you are never going to be better physically that you are right now. Do you appreciate what you have right now?"
"He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." - Epictetus
“The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.”-Eric Hoffer
Monday, May 10, 2010
The road is better than the inn
I found a few quotes I really like:
Success doesn't lie in the achievement of a goal, although that's what the world considers success; it lies in the journey toward the goal. We're successful as long as we're working toward something we want to bring about in our lives. That's when the human being is at his or her best. That's what Cervantes meant when he wrote, "The road is better than the inn." We're at our best when we're climbing, thinking, planning, working. When we're on the road toward something we want to bring about.
--Earl Nightingale
Every road in life will be a toll road.
Every journey has a destination and every destination has a road. The only way for you to arrive at a pre-determined destination is to walk the road that takes you there. Consequently, identifying your various destinations, both spiritually and temporally, is no small decision for you to make. But destinations are more than a place and their attainment more than completing a checklist of requirements. Lofty destinations of lasting worth are composed of intensely personal dreams, aspirations, and ideas that demand the very best in you to reach them. The destinations you set for yourself must inflame your imagination and bring passion to your life. They must be worthy of the sacrifices you will surely make for them.
-- Dennis B. Neuenschwander
Success doesn't lie in the achievement of a goal, although that's what the world considers success; it lies in the journey toward the goal. We're successful as long as we're working toward something we want to bring about in our lives. That's when the human being is at his or her best. That's what Cervantes meant when he wrote, "The road is better than the inn." We're at our best when we're climbing, thinking, planning, working. When we're on the road toward something we want to bring about.
--Earl Nightingale
Every road in life will be a toll road.
Every journey has a destination and every destination has a road. The only way for you to arrive at a pre-determined destination is to walk the road that takes you there. Consequently, identifying your various destinations, both spiritually and temporally, is no small decision for you to make. But destinations are more than a place and their attainment more than completing a checklist of requirements. Lofty destinations of lasting worth are composed of intensely personal dreams, aspirations, and ideas that demand the very best in you to reach them. The destinations you set for yourself must inflame your imagination and bring passion to your life. They must be worthy of the sacrifices you will surely make for them.
-- Dennis B. Neuenschwander
Loose eye-sockets
Sometimes being trained scientifically causes you to have loose eye sockets – from all the eye-rolling.
I'm sure you've heard the studies. Last week it was: people who work past normal retirement have less dementia and less depression. Yeah, right. While I believe that the conditions are correlated, it is not that working past retirement CAUSES less dementia, but that those with dementia don't choose to keep working.
Here's another. Families that eat dinner together each day are more likely to be strong, cohesive families. Again, eating together doesn't necessarily CAUSE you to be a strong family, but is it likely that strong, cohesive families do lots of things together, including eating together.
So, while I believe that not all things that seem related are related – there are valid cause-effect relationships.
Over the years, I have noticed things that seem to be related, only to be told, "With all due respect , Ma'am (which usually means not much respect is being conveyed), there is no correlation between what you have observed and the problem we are trying to solve."
Kimberly has had so many transfusions; I used to try to figure out what caused them. I noticed that she often had a cold or respiratory infection which preceded the anemia. The cold or infection wasn't severe enough to have been entered in her charts. When I mentioned it to the doctor, I got the "With all due respect, Ma'am, there is no correlation between what you have observed and the problem we are trying to solve. Kids just have a lot of colds." As it turns out, ALPS episodes are definitely triggered by infections causing the production of white blood cells.
It happened again today. We have been redoing three bathrooms (granite, tile, painting, remodeling). One is put back together again. The others are awaiting tile and base molding. Greg noticed that he got a small amount of water by the wall in his bathroom. It didn't appear to be coming from the toilet or have a repugnant odor. I wrote our contractor/designer, "There is a leak in the downstairs bathroom. It is near the toilet, but it looks like it is coming through the wall - as the base of the wall is wet. I'm not sure where it is coming from. On all three floors, the bathrooms are "stacked". Could it be coming from an upper bathroom? That seems unlikely as we don't see stains in the ceiling."
This morning, after I showered in the guest bathroom, Greg bounded up the stairs saying, "Whatever you just did now, that's what makes it leak." So fully expecting the "With all due respect , Ma'am, there is no correlation between what you have observed and the problem we are trying to solve," I reported: The leak in the basement seems to be tied to our shower two floors up. Just now we ran the shower and it is leaking in the basement...
Well, our handyman fellow came right over. After a few minutes, he reported. "I found the problem. The basemolding had been nailed into the pipe that carries the used water from the shower. When I removed the basemolding, it must have removed the plug. The old 'finger in the dike' story."
How funny is that? The base molding was replaced after we had been in the home 5-10 years, but that 's still 15 years of small leaks. Lori did mention that the carpeting seemed a little wet when she was getting the kids out of the tub the last time they were here, but since leaks are notoriously hard to find anyway, we hoped it was just wet feet getting out of the tub. (I can see the eye-rolling beginning. Watch the loose eye-sockets, Lori.)
I'm sure you've heard the studies. Last week it was: people who work past normal retirement have less dementia and less depression. Yeah, right. While I believe that the conditions are correlated, it is not that working past retirement CAUSES less dementia, but that those with dementia don't choose to keep working.
Here's another. Families that eat dinner together each day are more likely to be strong, cohesive families. Again, eating together doesn't necessarily CAUSE you to be a strong family, but is it likely that strong, cohesive families do lots of things together, including eating together.
So, while I believe that not all things that seem related are related – there are valid cause-effect relationships.
Over the years, I have noticed things that seem to be related, only to be told, "With all due respect , Ma'am (which usually means not much respect is being conveyed), there is no correlation between what you have observed and the problem we are trying to solve."
Kimberly has had so many transfusions; I used to try to figure out what caused them. I noticed that she often had a cold or respiratory infection which preceded the anemia. The cold or infection wasn't severe enough to have been entered in her charts. When I mentioned it to the doctor, I got the "With all due respect, Ma'am, there is no correlation between what you have observed and the problem we are trying to solve. Kids just have a lot of colds." As it turns out, ALPS episodes are definitely triggered by infections causing the production of white blood cells.
It happened again today. We have been redoing three bathrooms (granite, tile, painting, remodeling). One is put back together again. The others are awaiting tile and base molding. Greg noticed that he got a small amount of water by the wall in his bathroom. It didn't appear to be coming from the toilet or have a repugnant odor. I wrote our contractor/designer, "There is a leak in the downstairs bathroom. It is near the toilet, but it looks like it is coming through the wall - as the base of the wall is wet. I'm not sure where it is coming from. On all three floors, the bathrooms are "stacked". Could it be coming from an upper bathroom? That seems unlikely as we don't see stains in the ceiling."
This morning, after I showered in the guest bathroom, Greg bounded up the stairs saying, "Whatever you just did now, that's what makes it leak." So fully expecting the "With all due respect , Ma'am, there is no correlation between what you have observed and the problem we are trying to solve," I reported: The leak in the basement seems to be tied to our shower two floors up. Just now we ran the shower and it is leaking in the basement...
Well, our handyman fellow came right over. After a few minutes, he reported. "I found the problem. The basemolding had been nailed into the pipe that carries the used water from the shower. When I removed the basemolding, it must have removed the plug. The old 'finger in the dike' story."
How funny is that? The base molding was replaced after we had been in the home 5-10 years, but that 's still 15 years of small leaks. Lori did mention that the carpeting seemed a little wet when she was getting the kids out of the tub the last time they were here, but since leaks are notoriously hard to find anyway, we hoped it was just wet feet getting out of the tub. (I can see the eye-rolling beginning. Watch the loose eye-sockets, Lori.)
Sunday, May 9, 2010
The enrichment meeting principle
In our ward, we have a history of wonderful enrichment meetings. Sue is our counselor over enrichment and Cindy is the homemaking leader. Between those two, every enrichment meeting we have is great. There are invitations, tasting tables, fancy food, decorations. If anything can be done to make them more successful, they have done it. And the women respond by attending. No matter the topic for the meeting, the sisters know there will be good company, good food, and a good time. I'll call it the enrichment meeting principle - people respond to preparation. When they can tell you have put time and effort into the planning, they know it will be worth their time to attend.
In the department, several years ago we started having senior dinners for those who are graduating. The graduates bring their spouses/partners (at some nominal charge) and get a small token of appreciation. I planned the dinner for the first several years, but it was taken over by another for the last four or five years. Last year, it had descended to an all time low: dinner at a restaurant known for poor service and mediocre food, baseball caps (with a USU logo) as a 'gift' from the department, and a few games. There were less than fifteen people total (including faculty) who showed up last year.
This year, I offered to take the dinner on again. We went to the new Iron Gate Grill (which was wonderful!), invited the spouses for free (foregoing any gifts to make up the difference in expense), and moved the dinner a littler earlier in the month. Using Survey Monkey (my new favorite software product), I used Michelle's idea for doing Family Feud as a game. The graduating seniors were emailed a survey to answer such questions as "Who is the most feared professor?", "Why did you come to USU?" and "Which professor is most likely to excel at Rock Band?" We sent out numerous reminders about the dinner, and asked for a "save the date" count, so we could have a rough estimate as to who was coming. I created another survey and asked each senior to select an award for each of the graduating seniors. The awards were things like "The Baryshnikov award for dancing around the issues," "The Houdini Award for being able to escape from any bind", and "the Loch Ness Award for the worker least likely to be found". With Renee's help, I made up cute certificates with their names and the title of their award and printed them on cardstock. We had printed name tags with a cap and gown as a background. We had OVER SIXTY come to the dinner. Only one who said they would come failed to show. The Family Feud game was a hit, and they loved the awards. It really turned out fun.
Afterward as someone was thanking me for a job well done, he said, "Having it early in the month really worked to increase the attendance." I was speechless. Having it early really worked? You don't think it had anything to do with the reminders, the surveys which piqued interest, knowing they would be receiving an award? Obviously, he knows nothing of the enrichment meeting principle - people respond to preparation.
I guess I AM learning something from my service in Relief Society!
In the department, several years ago we started having senior dinners for those who are graduating. The graduates bring their spouses/partners (at some nominal charge) and get a small token of appreciation. I planned the dinner for the first several years, but it was taken over by another for the last four or five years. Last year, it had descended to an all time low: dinner at a restaurant known for poor service and mediocre food, baseball caps (with a USU logo) as a 'gift' from the department, and a few games. There were less than fifteen people total (including faculty) who showed up last year.
This year, I offered to take the dinner on again. We went to the new Iron Gate Grill (which was wonderful!), invited the spouses for free (foregoing any gifts to make up the difference in expense), and moved the dinner a littler earlier in the month. Using Survey Monkey (my new favorite software product), I used Michelle's idea for doing Family Feud as a game. The graduating seniors were emailed a survey to answer such questions as "Who is the most feared professor?", "Why did you come to USU?" and "Which professor is most likely to excel at Rock Band?" We sent out numerous reminders about the dinner, and asked for a "save the date" count, so we could have a rough estimate as to who was coming. I created another survey and asked each senior to select an award for each of the graduating seniors. The awards were things like "The Baryshnikov award for dancing around the issues," "The Houdini Award for being able to escape from any bind", and "the Loch Ness Award for the worker least likely to be found". With Renee's help, I made up cute certificates with their names and the title of their award and printed them on cardstock. We had printed name tags with a cap and gown as a background. We had OVER SIXTY come to the dinner. Only one who said they would come failed to show. The Family Feud game was a hit, and they loved the awards. It really turned out fun.
Afterward as someone was thanking me for a job well done, he said, "Having it early in the month really worked to increase the attendance." I was speechless. Having it early really worked? You don't think it had anything to do with the reminders, the surveys which piqued interest, knowing they would be receiving an award? Obviously, he knows nothing of the enrichment meeting principle - people respond to preparation.
I guess I AM learning something from my service in Relief Society!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
To see ourselves
In my previous post, I said this has been the strangest semester. My grad class was also fairly weird. One of my students had to travel sixty miles to get to class. After several snow storms that kept him away, I decided to start recording my lectures and posting them for all to see. It had a detrimental effect on attendance. Who wouldn't rather watch class at their own convenience rather than hoof it to campus by 9 a.m.? I could have stopped recording the lectures, but I hated to punish the fellow who had a good excuse for not making it. Then, there were some "unique" personalities that made class "memorable."
And for a perfect trey, in grading an independent study project, I thought the vocabulary was a bit "odd", so I googled a few phrases. Four out of four were direct copies from published work. ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!
Between the three classes, I was beginning to wonder if I had just been teaching for too long. The joy was gone. Instead of being excited to get to class, I relished in the fact that I only had classes two days a week and had three glorious days to work on projects. It was a bad sign.
Then something interesting happened. Three different times this semester, I had former students tell me, "You were my favorite teacher while at USU." "I remember registering for your grad class just because YOU were teaching it. I knew it would be a good class." "I have fond memories of your data structures class. I use that material all the time."
We judge ourselves in terms of this minute, not considering past successes and future greatness.
It reminds me of what Joseph B Wirthlin said:
We see ourselves in terms of yesterday and today. Our Heavenly Father sees us in terms of forever. Although we might settle for less, Heavenly Father won’t, for He sees us as the glorious beings we are capable of becoming.
And for a perfect trey, in grading an independent study project, I thought the vocabulary was a bit "odd", so I googled a few phrases. Four out of four were direct copies from published work. ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!
Between the three classes, I was beginning to wonder if I had just been teaching for too long. The joy was gone. Instead of being excited to get to class, I relished in the fact that I only had classes two days a week and had three glorious days to work on projects. It was a bad sign.
Then something interesting happened. Three different times this semester, I had former students tell me, "You were my favorite teacher while at USU." "I remember registering for your grad class just because YOU were teaching it. I knew it would be a good class." "I have fond memories of your data structures class. I use that material all the time."
We judge ourselves in terms of this minute, not considering past successes and future greatness.
It reminds me of what Joseph B Wirthlin said:
We see ourselves in terms of yesterday and today. Our Heavenly Father sees us in terms of forever. Although we might settle for less, Heavenly Father won’t, for He sees us as the glorious beings we are capable of becoming.
Tip of the Iceberg
This has been the strangest semester that I have ever had. My programming languages class has been particularly odd. The faculty member who taught the class last year was denied tenure and did an abysmal job. I think the "word on the street" was to avoid programming languages in the Spring. I have never had such an odd class. Except for "Todd" not a single student ever came to my office. Of eleven who started the class, six finished. While two dropped, three just never showed up after midterm (and didn't show up much before then). The remaining six had odd attendance patterns. Sometimes I would teach to three students. Bribing, threatening, giving quizzes - I tried it all. Finally I decided just to teach as if nothing was out of the ordinary, so as not to ruin the course for the faithful few.
Todd was interesting in class. He would come five to ten minutes late every day, and miss class totally a fourth of the time. Sometimes he would put his head on the desk as though it was so boring that he just couldn't stay awake. Before class, he came to my office a few times to ask for help and plead for an incomplete. Then, instead of listening during lecture, he would work on the assignment I had helped him with in my office. He would send email asking when I was available to help, and then never respond to my message. This has been going on for twelve weeks. I decided that I was silly to keep ignoring poor behavior.
I sent this email:
Can you help me understand where you are coming from?
You ask me to review my calendar and tell you when I am free, and then you decide YOU are to busy to come in for help.
You say you are struggling with the material, but in class I see you sleeping, texting, or doing an assignment rather than listening.
You ask if there is anything you can do to get a passing grade - and then you miss class frequently or arrive late.
I don't understand.
His response reminded me that we only see the "tip of the iceberg". There is always so much we don't see.
This last year has been a failure for me academically. I have slipped into a mentality of overt procrastination and just giving up. I've never felt this horrible about my schoolwork in my entire life. It's miserable, and oppressive. I'm behind in all of my classes, and I think the reason you have seen such poor performance from me lately, and the reason I didn't show up to your office even when I asked you for YOUR time (which was horribly impolite, and I'm sorry), was the fact that I just feel like giving up. It looks completely impossible for me to get a passing grade out of your class, and so part of me has just given up, and resigned to the fact that I guess I'm not intelligent enough to make it in this major. And even though that's probably not true, and with greater initiative and more organization, I could indeed do quite well, that's what it feels like sometimes. This school year has been the worst school year - academically - in my entire life. I feel completely incompetent. I'm not asking for any pity, or even any help, for that matter. Each of us has stewardship and accountability over our own lives, and bailouts never teach anyone anything.
I was so glad I had broached the subject. It gave me a chance to respond:
I don't see your situation as being nearly as hopeless as you do - but if you are telling yourself you just can't make it, that negative "self-talk" is highly detrimental.
I figure for every three class periods you miss of class - you drop a full letter grade. While I don't take attendance, I'm sure you've missed over that number.
Coming to class prepared is another huge factor. Things that seem impossible (when you are seeing them for the first time) pose no particular problem when you first read/think/study about them and then hear them presented in class.
You change those two things - and your grades will go up markedly.
I have no idea what your load is - with work and classes. Don't compare yourself to others. If others can succeed taking 16 credits and working thirty hours a week - they are the exception. I figure about twelve hours of credit and working ten hours a week is a reasonable load for most people - but others take even fewer courses in order to succeed.
I rarely see people who get to this level that just are "not intelligent enough to make it in this major". Personally, I don't think you are giving yourself a chance.
We're still looking at an incomplete for you - so a C is still possible for you.
This has happened to me before. I realize, "If I really understood where the person was coming from, it would change everything."
I've had people sleep through class on a regular basis. I assumed it was boredom or rudeness, but when I tactfully inquired, "Are you okay? I worry about you," I learned they were working the night shift and had trouble even getting up for my morning class. They said it was their favorite class, but they just couldn't stay awake.
I had a student who was so negative about everything. I sent email saying, "I am concerned. You seem unhappy about everything. The assignments aren't interesting. The grading is unfair. The machines are bad. The tutors are clueless. While I appreciate knowing when there are problems, it seems there is nothing we can do to make you happy. I worry that a boss will not tolerate such a negative attitude." He responded that he had often been told his attitude was horrible and was working on the problem. His negativism completely changed in class.
When I can resist the urge to say, "You are being rude. Get a grip," I often find there is more to the story. I need to remember to act sooner.
It reminds me of one of my favorite lines from "The Last Lecture"
"When you're screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they've given up on you."
— Randy Pausch
Todd was interesting in class. He would come five to ten minutes late every day, and miss class totally a fourth of the time. Sometimes he would put his head on the desk as though it was so boring that he just couldn't stay awake. Before class, he came to my office a few times to ask for help and plead for an incomplete. Then, instead of listening during lecture, he would work on the assignment I had helped him with in my office. He would send email asking when I was available to help, and then never respond to my message. This has been going on for twelve weeks. I decided that I was silly to keep ignoring poor behavior.
I sent this email:
Can you help me understand where you are coming from?
You ask me to review my calendar and tell you when I am free, and then you decide YOU are to busy to come in for help.
You say you are struggling with the material, but in class I see you sleeping, texting, or doing an assignment rather than listening.
You ask if there is anything you can do to get a passing grade - and then you miss class frequently or arrive late.
I don't understand.
His response reminded me that we only see the "tip of the iceberg". There is always so much we don't see.
This last year has been a failure for me academically. I have slipped into a mentality of overt procrastination and just giving up. I've never felt this horrible about my schoolwork in my entire life. It's miserable, and oppressive. I'm behind in all of my classes, and I think the reason you have seen such poor performance from me lately, and the reason I didn't show up to your office even when I asked you for YOUR time (which was horribly impolite, and I'm sorry), was the fact that I just feel like giving up. It looks completely impossible for me to get a passing grade out of your class, and so part of me has just given up, and resigned to the fact that I guess I'm not intelligent enough to make it in this major. And even though that's probably not true, and with greater initiative and more organization, I could indeed do quite well, that's what it feels like sometimes. This school year has been the worst school year - academically - in my entire life. I feel completely incompetent. I'm not asking for any pity, or even any help, for that matter. Each of us has stewardship and accountability over our own lives, and bailouts never teach anyone anything.
I was so glad I had broached the subject. It gave me a chance to respond:
I don't see your situation as being nearly as hopeless as you do - but if you are telling yourself you just can't make it, that negative "self-talk" is highly detrimental.
I figure for every three class periods you miss of class - you drop a full letter grade. While I don't take attendance, I'm sure you've missed over that number.
Coming to class prepared is another huge factor. Things that seem impossible (when you are seeing them for the first time) pose no particular problem when you first read/think/study about them and then hear them presented in class.
You change those two things - and your grades will go up markedly.
I have no idea what your load is - with work and classes. Don't compare yourself to others. If others can succeed taking 16 credits and working thirty hours a week - they are the exception. I figure about twelve hours of credit and working ten hours a week is a reasonable load for most people - but others take even fewer courses in order to succeed.
I rarely see people who get to this level that just are "not intelligent enough to make it in this major". Personally, I don't think you are giving yourself a chance.
We're still looking at an incomplete for you - so a C is still possible for you.
This has happened to me before. I realize, "If I really understood where the person was coming from, it would change everything."
I've had people sleep through class on a regular basis. I assumed it was boredom or rudeness, but when I tactfully inquired, "Are you okay? I worry about you," I learned they were working the night shift and had trouble even getting up for my morning class. They said it was their favorite class, but they just couldn't stay awake.
I had a student who was so negative about everything. I sent email saying, "I am concerned. You seem unhappy about everything. The assignments aren't interesting. The grading is unfair. The machines are bad. The tutors are clueless. While I appreciate knowing when there are problems, it seems there is nothing we can do to make you happy. I worry that a boss will not tolerate such a negative attitude." He responded that he had often been told his attitude was horrible and was working on the problem. His negativism completely changed in class.
When I can resist the urge to say, "You are being rude. Get a grip," I often find there is more to the story. I need to remember to act sooner.
It reminds me of one of my favorite lines from "The Last Lecture"
"When you're screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they've given up on you."
— Randy Pausch
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Cornell, 1952
Our writing assignment in our personal history class was to write about an object. Since our bedroom is literally piled with treasures taken from our newly painted closet, I grabbed the first thing I could see - Dad's diploma. I thought the rest of you might like to read my remembrances of Dad.
Rex LeRoy Hurst, Cornell University, September 23, 1952, Doctor of Philosophy
It is a simple document. It doesn’t even state his department, college, or research area. It has been preserved for nearly 60 years. I wonder if it has even been out of its protective carrier. Simple as the document appears, it has had a profound affect on my life and on that of my Father. Receiving this diploma was truly a life-altering event. While Dad loved many things (family, handball, boating, gardening, and genealogy), education was his core value. Whatever he did, he was learning. Graduating from an Ivy League school was no small achievement for a farm boy from Payson, Utah. He had virtually no money and a family to support, while trying to hold his own against “rich kids” with no financial stresses. That is Dad – he never viewed any challenge as precluding or any barricade as permanent. He had succeeded at a top school. He was unstoppable.
Dad had learned how to learn, and would apply that attribute to a myriad of tasks. He taught himself about Computers and became head of the Computer Science Department at USU. He learned numerous computer languages and studied foreign languages as well. In the evening, we would find him propped in an easy chair with a board across the arms of the chair, forming a makeshift desk, studying well into the night. His breast pocket (lined with a pocket protector) always held two mechanical pencils and a collection of discarded punched cards (for note taking). He was always jotting down ideas.
Dad was an avid reader who thought purchasing a book was a complete waste of money as he read several books each week. He was curious about everything and could retain an amazing array of facts. He remembered everything - making encyclopedias unnecessary. Dad just knew.
Dad was a life long learner, taking formal classes, watching the history channel, always thinking, analyzing, and creating. He took institute classes and studied about ancient history, evidences of the Book of Mormon, and world religions. His PhD degree was literally the beginning of a life-long love affair with learning. When I was a child, I thought my father was the most educated person on earth - always studying, always learning. As an adult, my impression of him hasn't changed.
Whenever I would come home from high school saying I could take a course in basket-weaving or adult lifestyles (that all my friends had registered for), Dad would say, "There will be lots of time to take classes like that through Relief Society. Now you need to take math, physics, and chemistry." He always stressed the value of education. Not one of us children ever considered not getting a college degree. He supported us financially and emotionally through the ups and downs of reaching our dreams. No one was more pleased than my Father when I brought home my PhD diploma.
I remember having him help me with calculus. But it was always an extremely difficult thing. Though it had been twenty years since he studied calculus, he would read the chapter, and teach it to himself again, so he could teach me. I was hoping just to be told the answers, but he made me derive the calculus from the discovery of zero and then work our way forward. It took all night long. I had to be desperate before I would ask him for help. But, you know, that ability to think through a problem, to derive the answers, and reason the parts together has been an invaluable asset in my life.
His hands were more comfortable in work than in play. Many a day he would put in a full day at work and then spend five or more hours working at home. During his last months, when it was no longer safe to leave him alone, Mom and I would play tag team as I arrived at the home (in Logan) just in time for her to run to an appointment, and leave as she pulled into the driveway. One day as I was gathering my things to return to work, Dad asked “Where is your office?” And I said, “Dad, it is in Old Main, just next to your old office.” He looked at me and said, “You are so lucky – to have something to do and somebody to do it for.” I thought it was profound. Even in the nursing home, he had plans for the other residents. And he was talking to them about genealogy and doing work – and they were not very cooperative.
Ithaca, New York – the home of the Ithaca Gun Company, the Finger Lakes, silent films, and Cornell University. And my birthplace. But, although Dad’s birth certificate says, “Payson, Utah”, I think his life began in Ithaca, New York too.
Rex LeRoy Hurst, Cornell University, September 23, 1952, Doctor of Philosophy
It is a simple document. It doesn’t even state his department, college, or research area. It has been preserved for nearly 60 years. I wonder if it has even been out of its protective carrier. Simple as the document appears, it has had a profound affect on my life and on that of my Father. Receiving this diploma was truly a life-altering event. While Dad loved many things (family, handball, boating, gardening, and genealogy), education was his core value. Whatever he did, he was learning. Graduating from an Ivy League school was no small achievement for a farm boy from Payson, Utah. He had virtually no money and a family to support, while trying to hold his own against “rich kids” with no financial stresses. That is Dad – he never viewed any challenge as precluding or any barricade as permanent. He had succeeded at a top school. He was unstoppable.
Dad had learned how to learn, and would apply that attribute to a myriad of tasks. He taught himself about Computers and became head of the Computer Science Department at USU. He learned numerous computer languages and studied foreign languages as well. In the evening, we would find him propped in an easy chair with a board across the arms of the chair, forming a makeshift desk, studying well into the night. His breast pocket (lined with a pocket protector) always held two mechanical pencils and a collection of discarded punched cards (for note taking). He was always jotting down ideas.
Dad was an avid reader who thought purchasing a book was a complete waste of money as he read several books each week. He was curious about everything and could retain an amazing array of facts. He remembered everything - making encyclopedias unnecessary. Dad just knew.
Dad was a life long learner, taking formal classes, watching the history channel, always thinking, analyzing, and creating. He took institute classes and studied about ancient history, evidences of the Book of Mormon, and world religions. His PhD degree was literally the beginning of a life-long love affair with learning. When I was a child, I thought my father was the most educated person on earth - always studying, always learning. As an adult, my impression of him hasn't changed.
Whenever I would come home from high school saying I could take a course in basket-weaving or adult lifestyles (that all my friends had registered for), Dad would say, "There will be lots of time to take classes like that through Relief Society. Now you need to take math, physics, and chemistry." He always stressed the value of education. Not one of us children ever considered not getting a college degree. He supported us financially and emotionally through the ups and downs of reaching our dreams. No one was more pleased than my Father when I brought home my PhD diploma.
I remember having him help me with calculus. But it was always an extremely difficult thing. Though it had been twenty years since he studied calculus, he would read the chapter, and teach it to himself again, so he could teach me. I was hoping just to be told the answers, but he made me derive the calculus from the discovery of zero and then work our way forward. It took all night long. I had to be desperate before I would ask him for help. But, you know, that ability to think through a problem, to derive the answers, and reason the parts together has been an invaluable asset in my life.
His hands were more comfortable in work than in play. Many a day he would put in a full day at work and then spend five or more hours working at home. During his last months, when it was no longer safe to leave him alone, Mom and I would play tag team as I arrived at the home (in Logan) just in time for her to run to an appointment, and leave as she pulled into the driveway. One day as I was gathering my things to return to work, Dad asked “Where is your office?” And I said, “Dad, it is in Old Main, just next to your old office.” He looked at me and said, “You are so lucky – to have something to do and somebody to do it for.” I thought it was profound. Even in the nursing home, he had plans for the other residents. And he was talking to them about genealogy and doing work – and they were not very cooperative.
Ithaca, New York – the home of the Ithaca Gun Company, the Finger Lakes, silent films, and Cornell University. And my birthplace. But, although Dad’s birth certificate says, “Payson, Utah”, I think his life began in Ithaca, New York too.
Monday, May 3, 2010
And the winner is...
Steve and I got the results back from the ALPS test. Steve has it. I do not.
I asked if we should test Steve's Mom. They said, "Well, it may or may not prove anything. If she has it, that would be definitive. If she does not, we wouldn't know if Glen had it or if it was spontaneous with Steve. In a third of the cases, the gene is spontaneous." They had never explained that before, but I guess because both Lori and Kim have it, the chances of being spontaneous with them both were pretty slim.
I said, "I just can't see it being passed down through Steve's siblings as there have been no symptoms anywhere - siblings, nieces/nephews/great nieces/nephews." They said, "Yes, that is why there is a good possibility it is original with Steve." So there you have it. Steve is an original. Now, that isn't news to anyone. :-)
Greg just got his results back (May 5th). He has it too.
I asked if we should test Steve's Mom. They said, "Well, it may or may not prove anything. If she has it, that would be definitive. If she does not, we wouldn't know if Glen had it or if it was spontaneous with Steve. In a third of the cases, the gene is spontaneous." They had never explained that before, but I guess because both Lori and Kim have it, the chances of being spontaneous with them both were pretty slim.
I said, "I just can't see it being passed down through Steve's siblings as there have been no symptoms anywhere - siblings, nieces/nephews/great nieces/nephews." They said, "Yes, that is why there is a good possibility it is original with Steve." So there you have it. Steve is an original. Now, that isn't news to anyone. :-)
Greg just got his results back (May 5th). He has it too.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
The unintentional hijacking
I hijacked a meeting today. I didn’t mean to. I started out trying to keep my thoughts to myself. I started taking notes on what was being said, and then the speaker made the mistake of asking if there were any questions. I couldn’t remain silent any longer.
I was at welfare meeting today as part of my role in Relief Society. The whole RS presidency comes along with all the priesthood leadership, employment specialist, ward mission leader, executive secretary, and bishopric. Normally the procedure is to have each organization head report welfare concerns and brainstorm about possible solutions. Today we had two stake leaders there to talk about the new directives concerning Young Single Adults and Single adults. Their spiel went something like:
The leadership of the church is concerned with the high number of inactive singles. We are going to merge the Young Single Adult and Single Adult reporting, so there aren’t so many meetings to go to. We need to teach the inactives the gospel, as they obviously don’t know it. Even fifty percent of the returned missionaries are going inactive. President Cook spends a good share of his counseling with returned missionaries. We are going to have a new accounting system. [They presented a chart with a dozen boxes of who would report to whom.] If a single adult moves from his home ward, the home ward (where his parents live) will still be responsible. Of course, if the parents aren’t active and the grandparents are the ones who want to keep track of them, it can be the grandparent’s home ward that is responsible. So if someone moves away and is working in Denver, their home ward is responsible for them even if they are thirty. Every year the home ward bishop will have an interview with the single adult. That will be a little tricky to do since they don’t live here, but we suggest the interviews could be held around Christmas, as everybody comes home for Christmas (or perhaps Thanksgiving). There are periodic reports that the bishop will need to fill out. We want them to be home taught and visiting taught and to be home/visiting teachers . You may need to call triples of visiting teaching/home teaching companionships so that even if the inactive young person doesn’t go, home teaching will still get done. Young people are no longer going to be able to go to any ward they want. They must go to the single or college ward associated with their place of residence. If they have moved from home, then they can go to the singles ward associated with that location. We need to track them. When they are drifting from ward to ward, they can’t hold a calling and no one really knows where they are.
They continued along this vein for a good ten minutes. All the while I was taking notes and working on keeping my thoughts to myself. I thought of all the singles I knew and the struggles they have fitting into a regular ward. Then the presenters made their mistake – asking for questions when they didn’t want any.
I raised my hand. My statement (accompanied by tears) went something like this:
The premise is that the young people are falling away because they don’t know the gospel and don’t have a testimony. I know many young people who are falling away for reasons that have nothing to do with a lack of testimony. There is nothing for them in our wards. When every conversation doesn’t begin with, “When are you getting married?” when every lesson, every testimony, every comment doesn’t assume that everyone is in the typical situation – married with children - then things will change. We haven’t included them in our thoughts, why should would be including them in our statistics? I sometimes look at a person in the congregation and listen to the meeting through their ears. It is like no one even realizes they exist. There is nothing for them in our meetings. You talk about all the accounting and who reports to whom, but until the members of the congregation can accept those that are in a different situation than themselves, it is all a waste. Do we know them? They may have depression, learning disabilities, stress, loneliness, same sex attraction – is there a place for them in our congregation? They come home early from their missions and are told, “I don’t see a cast. What are you doing home?” It is communicated, “Unless there is surgery or broken bones, coming home is just a cop out. What a disappointment you are!” I’m not speaking for my own family, but for youth I know through work, children of friends, those I tutor. Steve used to work with fellows with same sex attraction. I loved those guys, but I would look at them and think, “How do you fit into your home wards?” The answer is, “Not at all.” You talk about using them as home teachers, in triplets, but everybody knows home teachers go out in pairs. You are telling them they are worth zero, if they go, there are two others, and if they don’t go, there are two others. How is that communicating that they are accepted in full fellowship? Someone can be thirty, but if they haven't married, they are an "adult" in our eyes? They are still reporting back to their home ward bishop, while children married at 18 are treated as an "adult".
The stake leaders tried to defend their comments by saying that accounting was a necessary first step so that there would be someone to give them a hug and tell them we care. I said, “So you force them to go to a specific ward so the accounting will be easier and we will know exactly what ward they aren’t attending? I’m not seeing it.”
What happened next was pretty amazing. I don’t think I reached our stake visitors, but our RS president started crying saying, “With my son, it isn’t about being married – he has a whole host of issues. It started early – like if you didn’t play basketball, you didn’t fit into young mens. I know it’s better now, there are other things, but if you don’t fit in, it is tough to come.”
Our home preparedness rep started crying. He said, “What you say is exactly correct. I am a fourth generation member of the church. They are devoted and strong. My father was the bishop who sent me on my mission. I had a successful mission, returned home, finished my education, and then went back East for work. I became so disgusted with the antics of a singles ward. (I could go on for hours about that.) I decided I couldn’t hack a singles ward, so I started attending a family ward. I was such an anomaly. They had no idea what to do with me. I was ward mission leader for three months when I went totally inactive for a year and a half. It had nothing to do with my testimony, but everything to do with being accepted.”
About that time, the stake representatives left saying that they really needed to go to another meeting to present their spiel. [I thought, "That totally fits what I'm hearing from you. It is all about schedules and meetings and accounting," but thankfully, I didn't share that.] Our discussion didn’t stop.
Our ward employment specialist spoke up. He said, with tears in his eyes, “It’s all about the good Samaritan. Think about that parable. It’s exactly what we are saying. I’ve moved around a lot. Every time we move into a new home, someone asks, “Are you LDS?” How is that a way to greet someone new in your area?”
Others made comments acknowledging the problem. Before we knew it, the meeting was over and no welfare needs were even discussed, or were they?
I was at welfare meeting today as part of my role in Relief Society. The whole RS presidency comes along with all the priesthood leadership, employment specialist, ward mission leader, executive secretary, and bishopric. Normally the procedure is to have each organization head report welfare concerns and brainstorm about possible solutions. Today we had two stake leaders there to talk about the new directives concerning Young Single Adults and Single adults. Their spiel went something like:
The leadership of the church is concerned with the high number of inactive singles. We are going to merge the Young Single Adult and Single Adult reporting, so there aren’t so many meetings to go to. We need to teach the inactives the gospel, as they obviously don’t know it. Even fifty percent of the returned missionaries are going inactive. President Cook spends a good share of his counseling with returned missionaries. We are going to have a new accounting system. [They presented a chart with a dozen boxes of who would report to whom.] If a single adult moves from his home ward, the home ward (where his parents live) will still be responsible. Of course, if the parents aren’t active and the grandparents are the ones who want to keep track of them, it can be the grandparent’s home ward that is responsible. So if someone moves away and is working in Denver, their home ward is responsible for them even if they are thirty. Every year the home ward bishop will have an interview with the single adult. That will be a little tricky to do since they don’t live here, but we suggest the interviews could be held around Christmas, as everybody comes home for Christmas (or perhaps Thanksgiving). There are periodic reports that the bishop will need to fill out. We want them to be home taught and visiting taught and to be home/visiting teachers . You may need to call triples of visiting teaching/home teaching companionships so that even if the inactive young person doesn’t go, home teaching will still get done. Young people are no longer going to be able to go to any ward they want. They must go to the single or college ward associated with their place of residence. If they have moved from home, then they can go to the singles ward associated with that location. We need to track them. When they are drifting from ward to ward, they can’t hold a calling and no one really knows where they are.
They continued along this vein for a good ten minutes. All the while I was taking notes and working on keeping my thoughts to myself. I thought of all the singles I knew and the struggles they have fitting into a regular ward. Then the presenters made their mistake – asking for questions when they didn’t want any.
I raised my hand. My statement (accompanied by tears) went something like this:
The premise is that the young people are falling away because they don’t know the gospel and don’t have a testimony. I know many young people who are falling away for reasons that have nothing to do with a lack of testimony. There is nothing for them in our wards. When every conversation doesn’t begin with, “When are you getting married?” when every lesson, every testimony, every comment doesn’t assume that everyone is in the typical situation – married with children - then things will change. We haven’t included them in our thoughts, why should would be including them in our statistics? I sometimes look at a person in the congregation and listen to the meeting through their ears. It is like no one even realizes they exist. There is nothing for them in our meetings. You talk about all the accounting and who reports to whom, but until the members of the congregation can accept those that are in a different situation than themselves, it is all a waste. Do we know them? They may have depression, learning disabilities, stress, loneliness, same sex attraction – is there a place for them in our congregation? They come home early from their missions and are told, “I don’t see a cast. What are you doing home?” It is communicated, “Unless there is surgery or broken bones, coming home is just a cop out. What a disappointment you are!” I’m not speaking for my own family, but for youth I know through work, children of friends, those I tutor. Steve used to work with fellows with same sex attraction. I loved those guys, but I would look at them and think, “How do you fit into your home wards?” The answer is, “Not at all.” You talk about using them as home teachers, in triplets, but everybody knows home teachers go out in pairs. You are telling them they are worth zero, if they go, there are two others, and if they don’t go, there are two others. How is that communicating that they are accepted in full fellowship? Someone can be thirty, but if they haven't married, they are an "adult" in our eyes? They are still reporting back to their home ward bishop, while children married at 18 are treated as an "adult".
The stake leaders tried to defend their comments by saying that accounting was a necessary first step so that there would be someone to give them a hug and tell them we care. I said, “So you force them to go to a specific ward so the accounting will be easier and we will know exactly what ward they aren’t attending? I’m not seeing it.”
What happened next was pretty amazing. I don’t think I reached our stake visitors, but our RS president started crying saying, “With my son, it isn’t about being married – he has a whole host of issues. It started early – like if you didn’t play basketball, you didn’t fit into young mens. I know it’s better now, there are other things, but if you don’t fit in, it is tough to come.”
Our home preparedness rep started crying. He said, “What you say is exactly correct. I am a fourth generation member of the church. They are devoted and strong. My father was the bishop who sent me on my mission. I had a successful mission, returned home, finished my education, and then went back East for work. I became so disgusted with the antics of a singles ward. (I could go on for hours about that.) I decided I couldn’t hack a singles ward, so I started attending a family ward. I was such an anomaly. They had no idea what to do with me. I was ward mission leader for three months when I went totally inactive for a year and a half. It had nothing to do with my testimony, but everything to do with being accepted.”
About that time, the stake representatives left saying that they really needed to go to another meeting to present their spiel. [I thought, "That totally fits what I'm hearing from you. It is all about schedules and meetings and accounting," but thankfully, I didn't share that.] Our discussion didn’t stop.
Our ward employment specialist spoke up. He said, with tears in his eyes, “It’s all about the good Samaritan. Think about that parable. It’s exactly what we are saying. I’ve moved around a lot. Every time we move into a new home, someone asks, “Are you LDS?” How is that a way to greet someone new in your area?”
Others made comments acknowledging the problem. Before we knew it, the meeting was over and no welfare needs were even discussed, or were they?
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Ogden would have been better
Yesterday, Steve's mom was supposed to go to lunch in Ogden with her sister-in-law. Earlier that morning, she made a trip out to the garbage can. She normally has the garbage can put in the garage, but for some reason the garbage can was left in the back yard (where it used to be kept). On her way to the trash, she tripped over an uneven part of the sidewalk and plummeted to the concrete. She said she hit her head first and then bounced and hit it again on the way down. With two artificial knees, getting up from a prone position is virtually impossible. For the next two hours she pulled herself along the ground into the garage. The temperature was around 38 degrees, but she said she didn't get too cold because she was working too hard. Luckily Jocelyn found her (when she came to take her to lunch), and called Kathy. She ended up in the emergency room.
She has a big goose egg on her forehead and incredible bruising under her eyes. She looks horrible (as you can see).
The doctors think that she may have had a small heart attack (as an enzyme indicating that was found), but Grandma is thinking and acting normally. She came home yesterday afternoon. She is stiff, but otherwise doing pretty well.
Steve and Bob purchased a medical alert pendant that the can wear and call for help is she gets stuck. That will give her some security.
We feel so badly for you Grandma!
Nicest Thank You Note Ever
I got the nicest thank you note yesterday. A faculty member in our department is expecting her first child. She is in her early thirties - about the age of my older daughters. She has lost several babies due to miscarriage. Pregnancy has been a real challenge. She has said numerous times, "I won't do this again. This has been awful." I told her she was not allowed to make that decision while she was still pregnant. That broke proper protocol. :-)
On Thursday, the department had a baby shower for she and her husband (who is also in our department). She said during the shower that neither she nor her husband had ever changed a diaper, but thought they could figure it out. They are both brilliant, so I'm guessing they'll catch on pretty quick. :-) Most people donated money, but I wanted to do a little more. I made a flannel quilt and bought a toy and a few outfits.
Here is the thank you note I received yesterday. It is shaped like a diaper, with tabs on the side inserted into the front section:
Thank you for the thoughtful baby gifts! No one has ever made a quilt for me before - it is beautiful and I will take good care of it. I read your card again when I came home and it made be cry that you wrote that the baby is lucky to have us as parents!! We'll try our best. Love...
The note made my day!
On Thursday, the department had a baby shower for she and her husband (who is also in our department). She said during the shower that neither she nor her husband had ever changed a diaper, but thought they could figure it out. They are both brilliant, so I'm guessing they'll catch on pretty quick. :-) Most people donated money, but I wanted to do a little more. I made a flannel quilt and bought a toy and a few outfits.
Here is the thank you note I received yesterday. It is shaped like a diaper, with tabs on the side inserted into the front section:
Thank you for the thoughtful baby gifts! No one has ever made a quilt for me before - it is beautiful and I will take good care of it. I read your card again when I came home and it made be cry that you wrote that the baby is lucky to have us as parents!! We'll try our best. Love...
The note made my day!
After thiry years - a name
For thirty years, we have known that Kim had a blood disorder, but we never had a name for it. After having both Kim's and Lori's enlarged spleens removed, we were no closer to a resolution. Lori had no other symptoms of a blood disorder, but Kim was told that the removal of her spleen would solve her anemia problem - that the enlarged spleen was the problem. It was not. It was a symptom of her problem. She kept requiring transfusions periodically for the next 20+ years. Eventually they stopped testing her blood and taking bone marrow, saying "Even if we knew what it was, it wouldn't change the treatment. We would just transfuse her when she got low."
With Lori's Drew having recent troubles with low platelets, low neutrophils, low hemaglobin - resulting in the removal of his spleen (which again did not solve the problem), he and Lori entered numerous rounds of testing which resulted in a name for the disorder. ALPS Autoimmune Lymphoproliferative Syndrome. After thirty years, a name! According to the National Institute of Health:
Autoimmune Lymphoproliferative Syndrome (ALPS) is an inherited disorder of the immune system that affects both children and adults. In ALPS, unusually high numbers of white blood cells called lymphocytes accumulate in the lymph nodes, liver, and spleen, which can lead to enlargement of these organs. ALPS can cause numerous autoimmune problems such as anemia (low count of red blood cells), thrombocytopenia (low count of platelets), and neutropenia (low count of neutrophils, the most common type of white blood cell in humans).
NIH started studying ALPS in 1990. Our battles with ALPS began ten years earlier. By 2007, NIH had evaluated and diagnosed only 250 patients. They have money to fund the research and have invited us to be part of it.
We know ALPS is genetic, and that it has a 50% chance of being passed on to children. Either Steve or I have it, and one of our parents had/have it, and likely some of our siblings have it. It doesn't always manifest itself - you can be a carrier without having the symptoms. Neither Steve or I are aware of any blood disorder. Steve has been told he has an enlarged spleen. I bruise easily. Which one of us is it? There is a "pool" going on to be the one who correctly guesses which ones of us have it. My theory is "Me, Lori, Kim and Greg" - but I have no idea which grandparents carried it. We all did the cheek swabs a few weeks ago, so results should be coming soon.
So were they right? "Even if we knew what it was, it wouldn't change the treatment. We would just transfuse Kim when she got low." Evidently not. Whoever has it is invited back to Bethesda (at taxpayer expense) for more tests and training. Evidently other problems emerge later in life - such as lymphoma. There are warning signs you should know, and a list of best treatment options for the neutropenia.
A friend of mine said that her grandfather always blessed them that they would have "interesting lives". Sometimes being "interesting" is not all its cracked up to be.
With Lori's Drew having recent troubles with low platelets, low neutrophils, low hemaglobin - resulting in the removal of his spleen (which again did not solve the problem), he and Lori entered numerous rounds of testing which resulted in a name for the disorder. ALPS Autoimmune Lymphoproliferative Syndrome. After thirty years, a name! According to the National Institute of Health:
Autoimmune Lymphoproliferative Syndrome (ALPS) is an inherited disorder of the immune system that affects both children and adults. In ALPS, unusually high numbers of white blood cells called lymphocytes accumulate in the lymph nodes, liver, and spleen, which can lead to enlargement of these organs. ALPS can cause numerous autoimmune problems such as anemia (low count of red blood cells), thrombocytopenia (low count of platelets), and neutropenia (low count of neutrophils, the most common type of white blood cell in humans).
NIH started studying ALPS in 1990. Our battles with ALPS began ten years earlier. By 2007, NIH had evaluated and diagnosed only 250 patients. They have money to fund the research and have invited us to be part of it.
We know ALPS is genetic, and that it has a 50% chance of being passed on to children. Either Steve or I have it, and one of our parents had/have it, and likely some of our siblings have it. It doesn't always manifest itself - you can be a carrier without having the symptoms. Neither Steve or I are aware of any blood disorder. Steve has been told he has an enlarged spleen. I bruise easily. Which one of us is it? There is a "pool" going on to be the one who correctly guesses which ones of us have it. My theory is "Me, Lori, Kim and Greg" - but I have no idea which grandparents carried it. We all did the cheek swabs a few weeks ago, so results should be coming soon.
So were they right? "Even if we knew what it was, it wouldn't change the treatment. We would just transfuse Kim when she got low." Evidently not. Whoever has it is invited back to Bethesda (at taxpayer expense) for more tests and training. Evidently other problems emerge later in life - such as lymphoma. There are warning signs you should know, and a list of best treatment options for the neutropenia.
A friend of mine said that her grandfather always blessed them that they would have "interesting lives". Sometimes being "interesting" is not all its cracked up to be.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Putting the "dys" into dysfunctional
We had the most dysfunctional faculty meeting that I have ever been to today.
It's central components were:
A department head with a hidden agenda that was going to be rammed down our throats no matter what.
A full professor who thinks that only his opinion matters. He refuses to listen to anyone else and won't relinquish the floor to anyone else. This plays into the department head's plan, so he does nothing to control it.
A large contingent of faculty members who offer comments, but aren't willing to go up against the powerhouses who take the floor and won't budge.
It was BAD.
It's central components were:
A department head with a hidden agenda that was going to be rammed down our throats no matter what.
A full professor who thinks that only his opinion matters. He refuses to listen to anyone else and won't relinquish the floor to anyone else. This plays into the department head's plan, so he does nothing to control it.
A large contingent of faculty members who offer comments, but aren't willing to go up against the powerhouses who take the floor and won't budge.
It was BAD.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
I am so sad
While earlier in the month I post about the "Happiness Project", I now am admitting sadness.
When I read "Waiting for the Light to Change", written by a high school friend of mine about her teaching experience at Logan High, I was so interested in the fun friendships that she had at work - people that genuinely supported and cared for each other. I thought about my work relationships. While I have lots of student teacher relationships that are great (and, of course, a few that aren't), our department has been a fairly sterile environment for friendships.
It generally isn't a well integrated group. Everyone is busy with their own students, publishing, and pressures. People are "friendly" but not friends, if that makes sense. Of course, there are exceptions. Mary V is personality plus - but she retired several years ago. Having two female faculty members in recent years has helped. But, generally speaking, I wouldn't consider my work environment a place to make friends.
Of course, I could be part of the problem. I remember the first year here, I made chocolates for Christmas and gave a plate to each faculty member. Nothing was reciprocated, and few even acknowledged the gift. I thought, "Oh, I guess they don't do that here." I've come to accept that work is work and friends are, well, something else.
But there are two fellows in the department that I really enjoy and appreciate (besides my husband, of course). Dean is an instructor for us. He is the greatest guy. He is a deep thinker, cares about everything, and gives personality to the department. Chad is an assistant professor and Co-PI on my grant. He is funny, has great ideas, and a "can do" attitude.
I am so sad. These two people are both leaving us. Dean is taking a more lucrative position with a company in town. Chad is giving up on his dreams of being promoted (due to an anti-promotion climate passed down from top administration) and taking a lecturer position with us. While he COULD keep working on the grant, he has chosen not to - as grant money doesn't matter for a lecturer - and he has other dreams to pursue. He'll be gone this summer to work on a business project, and in the fall, will teach twice as many classes. Our paths won't cross as much.
When I read "Waiting for the Light to Change", written by a high school friend of mine about her teaching experience at Logan High, I was so interested in the fun friendships that she had at work - people that genuinely supported and cared for each other. I thought about my work relationships. While I have lots of student teacher relationships that are great (and, of course, a few that aren't), our department has been a fairly sterile environment for friendships.
It generally isn't a well integrated group. Everyone is busy with their own students, publishing, and pressures. People are "friendly" but not friends, if that makes sense. Of course, there are exceptions. Mary V is personality plus - but she retired several years ago. Having two female faculty members in recent years has helped. But, generally speaking, I wouldn't consider my work environment a place to make friends.
Of course, I could be part of the problem. I remember the first year here, I made chocolates for Christmas and gave a plate to each faculty member. Nothing was reciprocated, and few even acknowledged the gift. I thought, "Oh, I guess they don't do that here." I've come to accept that work is work and friends are, well, something else.
But there are two fellows in the department that I really enjoy and appreciate (besides my husband, of course). Dean is an instructor for us. He is the greatest guy. He is a deep thinker, cares about everything, and gives personality to the department. Chad is an assistant professor and Co-PI on my grant. He is funny, has great ideas, and a "can do" attitude.
I am so sad. These two people are both leaving us. Dean is taking a more lucrative position with a company in town. Chad is giving up on his dreams of being promoted (due to an anti-promotion climate passed down from top administration) and taking a lecturer position with us. While he COULD keep working on the grant, he has chosen not to - as grant money doesn't matter for a lecturer - and he has other dreams to pursue. He'll be gone this summer to work on a business project, and in the fall, will teach twice as many classes. Our paths won't cross as much.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Happiness Project
On Friday I went to a luncheon for faculty women. The topic was happiness.
One of her thoughts was, "Contentment is not the attainment of what you desire, but the realization of what you already have."
The speaker also talked about The Happiness Project (by author Gretchen Rubin). On Rubin's webpage, she talks about creating your own set of happiness commandments - rules you live by to help you find happiness. Here are some of the ones she mentioned. (I haven't written mine yet.)
Be yourself.
Let it go.
Act as I would feel.
Do it now.
Be polite and be fair.
Enjoy the process.
Identify the problem.
Lighten up.
Do what ought to be done.
There is only love.
One of her ideas is "The days are long, but the years are short." With that in mind, I thought I should record, "The sleepover" - as how many times will I have a sleepover with my grandson?
When Zach sleeps at our house, his parents are in the basement with baby Halle, and he sleeps two floors away in the room with the twin beds. Last time, I offered to have a sleepover so he didn’t have to be alone. Last night was another of those sleepover nights. At about six this morning he started stirring. I wanted him to know he wasn’t alone so I said, “You okay Zach?” That started a series of questions:
1. When it is seven (the time he is allowed to get up), do you know how to start a show?
2. Can you turn the clock so I can see it?
3. I think I need to go potty. I’m a little wet. I need new underpants. Can you come with me? [We found his underwear, but not another set of pajamas.] I can just put my blanket on my legs so I won’t be cold.
4. Hey Grandma, you want an animal?
5. You can have giraffe or cat. I can’t find elephant. Can I turn on the light? [He does.] I found elephant’s bum. I did. I found elephant's bum.
6. Can you turn off the light so I can sleep?
7. Hey Grandma, you want giraffe? [He brings him to me and I tuck him under by arm, but he corrects…] He needs to go under your covers.
8. Hey Grandma, is your pillow white?
9. It matches mine, huh?
10. Hey Grandma, what are you doing?
11. Hey Grandma, can I get up?
12. Hey Grandma, the clock won’t get seven. I can’t go back to sleep. How come we can’t get up?
13. [He coughs.] I’m okay, Grandma.
14. Hey Grandma, is Grandpa sleeping a long time too?
[I hear singing over in his bed – “Ba-dub. A dub Dub dub.”
15. Hey Grandma, how about we don’t wake up at seven? Let’s get up now.
16. Is Grandpa awake?
17. Do you have Thomas? [We settled down to watch Thomas the Train.]
Children are such a gift. You see life anew in their eyes
One of her thoughts was, "Contentment is not the attainment of what you desire, but the realization of what you already have."
The speaker also talked about The Happiness Project (by author Gretchen Rubin). On Rubin's webpage, she talks about creating your own set of happiness commandments - rules you live by to help you find happiness. Here are some of the ones she mentioned. (I haven't written mine yet.)
Be yourself.
Let it go.
Act as I would feel.
Do it now.
Be polite and be fair.
Enjoy the process.
Identify the problem.
Lighten up.
Do what ought to be done.
There is only love.
One of her ideas is "The days are long, but the years are short." With that in mind, I thought I should record, "The sleepover" - as how many times will I have a sleepover with my grandson?
When Zach sleeps at our house, his parents are in the basement with baby Halle, and he sleeps two floors away in the room with the twin beds. Last time, I offered to have a sleepover so he didn’t have to be alone. Last night was another of those sleepover nights. At about six this morning he started stirring. I wanted him to know he wasn’t alone so I said, “You okay Zach?” That started a series of questions:
1. When it is seven (the time he is allowed to get up), do you know how to start a show?
2. Can you turn the clock so I can see it?
3. I think I need to go potty. I’m a little wet. I need new underpants. Can you come with me? [We found his underwear, but not another set of pajamas.] I can just put my blanket on my legs so I won’t be cold.
4. Hey Grandma, you want an animal?
5. You can have giraffe or cat. I can’t find elephant. Can I turn on the light? [He does.] I found elephant’s bum. I did. I found elephant's bum.
6. Can you turn off the light so I can sleep?
7. Hey Grandma, you want giraffe? [He brings him to me and I tuck him under by arm, but he corrects…] He needs to go under your covers.
8. Hey Grandma, is your pillow white?
9. It matches mine, huh?
10. Hey Grandma, what are you doing?
11. Hey Grandma, can I get up?
12. Hey Grandma, the clock won’t get seven. I can’t go back to sleep. How come we can’t get up?
13. [He coughs.] I’m okay, Grandma.
14. Hey Grandma, is Grandpa sleeping a long time too?
[I hear singing over in his bed – “Ba-dub. A dub Dub dub.”
15. Hey Grandma, how about we don’t wake up at seven? Let’s get up now.
16. Is Grandpa awake?
17. Do you have Thomas? [We settled down to watch Thomas the Train.]
Children are such a gift. You see life anew in their eyes
Easter Day
Steve tossing Halle. I don't know who enjoyed it more.
The fam playing Hungry Hungry Hippo (a gift from the Easter Bunny).
Halle enjoying her Easter Egg.
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