Tip of the Iceberg

This has been the strangest semester that I have ever had. My programming languages class has been particularly odd. The faculty member who taught the class last year was denied tenure and did an abysmal job. I think the "word on the street" was to avoid programming languages in the Spring. I have never had such an odd class. Except for "Todd" not a single student ever came to my office. Of eleven who started the class, six finished. While two dropped, three just never showed up after midterm (and didn't show up much before then). The remaining six had odd attendance patterns. Sometimes I would teach to three students. Bribing, threatening, giving quizzes - I tried it all. Finally I decided just to teach as if nothing was out of the ordinary, so as not to ruin the course for the faithful few.

Todd was interesting in class. He would come five to ten minutes late every day, and miss class totally a fourth of the time. Sometimes he would put his head on the desk as though it was so boring that he just couldn't stay awake. Before class, he came to my office a few times to ask for help and plead for an incomplete. Then, instead of listening during lecture, he would work on the assignment I had helped him with in my office. He would send email asking when I was available to help, and then never respond to my message. This has been going on for twelve weeks. I decided that I was silly to keep ignoring poor behavior.

I sent this email:

Can you help me understand where you are coming from?

You ask me to review my calendar and tell you when I am free, and then you decide YOU are to busy to come in for help.

You say you are struggling with the material, but in class I see you sleeping, texting, or doing an assignment rather than listening.

You ask if there is anything you can do to get a passing grade - and then you miss class frequently or arrive late.

I don't understand.


His response reminded me that we only see the "tip of the iceberg". There is always so much we don't see.

This last year has been a failure for me academically. I have slipped into a mentality of overt procrastination and just giving up. I've never felt this horrible about my schoolwork in my entire life. It's miserable, and oppressive. I'm behind in all of my classes, and I think the reason you have seen such poor performance from me lately, and the reason I didn't show up to your office even when I asked you for YOUR time (which was horribly impolite, and I'm sorry), was the fact that I just feel like giving up. It looks completely impossible for me to get a passing grade out of your class, and so part of me has just given up, and resigned to the fact that I guess I'm not intelligent enough to make it in this major. And even though that's probably not true, and with greater initiative and more organization, I could indeed do quite well, that's what it feels like sometimes. This school year has been the worst school year - academically - in my entire life. I feel completely incompetent. I'm not asking for any pity, or even any help, for that matter. Each of us has stewardship and accountability over our own lives, and bailouts never teach anyone anything.

I was so glad I had broached the subject. It gave me a chance to respond:

I don't see your situation as being nearly as hopeless as you do - but if you are telling yourself you just can't make it, that negative "self-talk" is highly detrimental.

I figure for every three class periods you miss of class - you drop a full letter grade. While I don't take attendance, I'm sure you've missed over that number.

Coming to class prepared is another huge factor. Things that seem impossible (when you are seeing them for the first time) pose no particular problem when you first read/think/study about them and then hear them presented in class.

You change those two things - and your grades will go up markedly.

I have no idea what your load is - with work and classes. Don't compare yourself to others. If others can succeed taking 16 credits and working thirty hours a week - they are the exception. I figure about twelve hours of credit and working ten hours a week is a reasonable load for most people - but others take even fewer courses in order to succeed.

I rarely see people who get to this level that just are "not intelligent enough to make it in this major". Personally, I don't think you are giving yourself a chance.

We're still looking at an incomplete for you - so a C is still possible for you.


This has happened to me before. I realize, "If I really understood where the person was coming from, it would change everything."

I've had people sleep through class on a regular basis. I assumed it was boredom or rudeness, but when I tactfully inquired, "Are you okay? I worry about you," I learned they were working the night shift and had trouble even getting up for my morning class. They said it was their favorite class, but they just couldn't stay awake.

I had a student who was so negative about everything. I sent email saying, "I am concerned. You seem unhappy about everything. The assignments aren't interesting. The grading is unfair. The machines are bad. The tutors are clueless. While I appreciate knowing when there are problems, it seems there is nothing we can do to make you happy. I worry that a boss will not tolerate such a negative attitude." He responded that he had often been told his attitude was horrible and was working on the problem. His negativism completely changed in class.

When I can resist the urge to say, "You are being rude. Get a grip," I often find there is more to the story. I need to remember to act sooner.

It reminds me of one of my favorite lines from "The Last Lecture"

"When you're screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they've given up on you."
— Randy Pausch