Oldies but goodies...

(1981) The women's conference was really good. I especially enjoyed the keynote speaker, an Ida Smith from BYU. Usually we are given the same old advice: give, serve, be unselfish, care for your family, set the tone of your home, support your husband, etc, etc. etc. Her advice was like none I have ever received through the church. She sounded like me speaking, only bolder. Here are some of the things she had to say. She talked about priorities.

1st You and Your relationship to the Lord. This is not selfish. In the judgment, you go alone. You can't say, "Well, if he would have” or ''If my children would have..." It is what you have done. Be gospel scholars. Develop every talent - so that you can be of great service. You can't give from an empty vessel. She talked about working mothers, too. Women work for the money. Take away the pay and see how long you would stay. They work to put sons on missions, to pay the building fund, to give their kids piano lessons, etc. Never judge another's reasons for working. What is necessity for one is luxury for another. But she said, "Your working is not the silver bullet that affects your kids, your attitude it." She said, "I was shocked to discover a few years ago that I had been raised by a 'working mother'. Both my parents worked, but I never felt neglected or disadvantaged. I didn't have a part time mother. We all knew what her priorities were."

2nd Your relationship to your Spouse. This is the most important relationship in your family. Marriage should be a partnership of equals. She asked the Question, "Could you or your spouse cope without the other? Do you know where the insurance is, how to pay bills? Does he know how to cook, do laundry, etc.?"

3rd Your children. Teach them to be responsible, independent, and God-loving. The Lord did not say, "Have perfect children". He did say, “Teach them." Don't let anyone pressure you to have a certain number of kids. Only humans are in the numbers game. God is not. Let your children do things for you. If children do things for parents, they will love parents as much as parents love children. She also said, "It never occurred to me that there was anything I couldn't do, because my mother knew I could."

4th Church
5th. Community

She ended her first talk with - Stop killing your self. You can't do everything everyday. The Lord knows that. Get off each others' cases. Don't compare yourself to others. - Being is more important that doing. Cherish the NOW

Women in a Man's world
Her next talk was about Women in a Man's world. She stated we need to value one another, view each other the way the Lord does. She talked about the percent of women in the work force. 47% of the women in Colorado are working. They make 57% of the money a man makes. In other words for every dollar a man makes, a woman will make 57 cents. That's why women are going into non-traditional jobs. In non-traditional jobs, women can make 92 cents for every dollar a man makes. She asked how many women in the audience had been in the work force at some point in their adult lives. Everyone but two or three hands went up. If you work, you may as well be earning top dollar. One in three households with children is supported by a woman. She talked about the tendency of women to try to hide their intelligence.

Read the D&C 88th section and you will realize what your responsibilities are. Research was done on a group of five year olds. The boys were asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" They answered, "Oh. We would be doctors, lawyers, engineers, etc." The girls said they wanted to be Mommies or nurses. The boys were asked what they would be when they grew up if they were girls. Everything got silent. One replied. "I guess we wouldn't be anything. The girls were asked what they would be if they were boys. Excitedly they responded, "Oh we would be doctors, lawyers, etc. At age five!

She addressed 200 freshmen and sophomores at the Y. She asked them some questions not expecting them to raise their hands, but was shocked at the numbers responding. She asked the men, “How many of you want to marry someone who is not as smart as you are?" Almost all the hands went up. She chastised them, telling them they ought to marry the smartest gal they could find to be their spouse and the mother of their children. She asked the women, "How many of you have ever tried to hide your intelligence to be attractive to men?" Every hand went up. She turned to the men and said, “Look what you have done to them!”

She asked the men if they had ever been led to feel superior because they were male. Almost all said yes. She asked the women if they had ever been led to feel inferior because they were female. Almost all said yes.

Sexism is real and we need to be cautious of the implications we give.

She talked about happy marriages. The one who has the most power is the happiest. Usually that is the man. The happiest marriages are those where the wife works part time. She has her own money to spend, and her opinion is usually valued more by her husband. She said, “It’s too bad it takes a job to accomplish this, but it is usually the case.

American women take responsibility for the failures in the home, but don’t take credit for the good things.

She told of a male colleague whose wife had started swimming three miles a day and teaching a few classes. His comment was, “I just can’t believe the difference her activities have made in our relationship. If someone would have told me that her participating in success in this small way would have made such a difference in her, I wouldn’t have believed it.” Have your own victories.

House work is no longer economically crucial as compared to the days when women did farm work and helped in home centered businesses. If a man sees women's work as beneath him, soon the wife feels SHE is beneath him. Both need to participate in the house work. There shouldn’t be women's work and men's work. There isn’t a lot of fulfillment in housework. You need to grow mentally.

Lastly, receive your own revelation. You have the Holy Ghost for that very purpose. You needn’t rely on a bishop or a stake president to tell you what is best for you and your husband. You find your own answers.